Life is
by MaBre85
Summary: [Formerly Life is Complicated] One unexpected event can change everything. As Chloe Price saves the life of a younger girl, her life gets turned upside down. The story begins two months prior to the canon of "Before the Storm". Therefor, the timeline stays the same, yet it's entirely different from the game.
1. Life is Complicated

**Author's Notes:**

**Hi there, everyone!**

**For some time now I'm struggling to finish the next chapters of my other stories and one day I had the idea for a one-shot story, featuring Chloe. Well, it became kinda big and the storie is not even finished, so it might become a two-shot. Just let me know what you think of this little experiment.**

**P.S.: This story is rated M for good reasons! Sexual content, drug abuse and self-harm inside, so be warned!**

* * *

**Life is...**

**Chapter 1: Life is...Complicated**

March, 2010

It's a warm and sunny day in March, but I don't give any fucks about it, 'cause every day's the same gray, colorless matter for me since my Dad decided to ditch life and have a fucking rendezvous with a semi-truck. But fate hadn't been done with me at this point.

Shortly after we had buried him, my best fucking friend, Max photo-geek Caulfield, had decided to move to Seattle. There hadn't been even a chance to say goodbye. It was just like _"Hey Chloe, your dad's gone, so I'll be on my way, too. Oh, and by the way, I'll stop fucking contacting you a year later, 'cause I don't give a shit about you and your feelings!"_

But it got even worse! While the worms were having a feast on my dad's body and Max was living it large in the big city, my mom went through a phase of bad decisions. Well, bad for me, not for her. Top of the list, starting a relationship with a former wannabe-soldier.

Don't get me wrong, I like my mom, I really do! But bringing this ass into our house was the worst thing she could've done to me. Not only that this asshole tries to teach me discipline by treating me like a soldier, no. This son of a bitch invades my private space! Last attempt: searching my room for weed…without my permission! Luckily he neither found my stash nor my smut-mag collection.

Well, what else is there to say about my glorious life? Oh yeah, I hate school, have no friends, and my only sexual encounter ever was with my childhood friend, Eliot, who started to act pretty strange since I let him fuck me for fun. Okay, it hadn't been fun at all. It hurt like hell and…I don't know…somehow it hadn't given me any pleasure. Ugh, fuck it! I'm givin' it too much of a thought.

Today – to be exactly, right now – I've made the decision to skip school…again. I know that Mom will flip her shit and Principal Wells will get his rage on me, but…it just sucks. Except from a few cool peeps like Steph Gingrich or Justin and his skater posse, there are only bitches and assholes. No wonder that it's more like Blackhell than Blackwell.

Anyway, I decided to call it a day and get as high as fuck, 'cause that's the only state I'm able to survive this shitpit of a town, called Arcadia Bay. But in order to get high I need some weed and in order to get that, I need to visit my dealer, Frank Bowers, and in order to see him, I have to go down to the beach, and in order to get there I need to walk through Arcadia.

Aaaah, good ol' Arcadia Bay! If there'd be a spot on the map, saying: _boring_, it would point exactly where the Bay is. Nothing changes, every day the same shit. Economy's taking a dump down the toilet and people are acting strange to such an anomaly like me. Yes, the whole town knows about my Dad, my troubles and that I'm a lost case. Well, once your reputation's fucked, you don't have to worry 'bout it anymore. Fuck Arcadia Bay!

In some way I envy Max. She moved on. Has a better life now. Maybe it's for the best that she left someone like me behind. She deserves better and I hope that she finds her luck in Seattle!

* * *

The first thing you wanna do if you go through downtown Arcadia Bay is to tune up the volume of your MP3 player and ignore everyone and everything around you…or at least try to do it.

Oh, a new store! Don't bother, dude, I'll give you two months tops, before either Prescott has bought your ass or economy has choked the last drop of blood out of your business.

Hey there, puny tourists! I hope you're just passing by, 'cause this 16-year-old gal here is the only attraction in the area!

Wow, they're renewing the power line! From what I know, the town center's power infrastructure dates back to…well, the first usage of electricity in this town. How time flies by…

Uhm…wait! Is it supposed to do this cracking and fizzling sounds?

Suddenly fun time's over as a light arc emerges from the transformer up high on a poste and hits one of the guys from the power company, who's now hanging limb at said poste. The other power dudes scream some shit and all I wanna do is getting the fuck outta there, but then I see this blonde girl, standing there in the middle of everything and she's…praying?!

I don't know how. I don't know why. But somehow I know that shit is about to hit the fan big time, so I just run. But not away, no! I sprint towards the girl as fast as I can, my lungs already burning. Damn you, cigarettes! And then it happens! The transformer explodes and I jump, yelling every curse that comes into my mind…and I didn't lack any creativity. My eyes are shut close and I just feel how I collide with her fragile body and role over the pavement. Fuck, that hurts! Eventually we come to a rest and out of instinct I wrap my body around hers, not caring if something's gonna happen to me. AM I CRAZY?!

The world around us is a pure chaos of screams, explosions and whatnot. For how long? Pft, ask me something easier, but eventually, everything calms down again and then there's only silence. Slowly, my hearing comes back and I realize the whimpering, shacking body which I'm still holding tightly. I back away a bit and…I don't know why, but I start to brush over her head, saying "Sssh, it's okay! Are you alright?"

Slightly she bobs her head and looks up. Our eyes meet and I'm stunned. Why? Godfucking shit, stop asking! I. Don't. Know! She just looks like a poor, scared bunny with those wide open, watery, hazel eyes. Can't I just be amazed by something like that? Just because I don't give a fuck about everything, doesn't mean that I'm dead inside!

Anyway, I give her my typically smirk and keep on brushing over her head to calm her down some more.

"KATE!" some woman yells and I hear a bunch of steps closing in. Okay, someone's worried about her. Better get up and give 'em their daughter back, before they think I'm a perv. Cautiously I try to get up, but have to groan as a stinging hot pain runs through my right arm. Shit, that's not good!

Luckily, a bunch of people's already there and helps me up. As soon as I'm on my feet, I feel dizzy, but I manage…somehow and keep my glare at the blond girl. She's smaller and skinnier than me, probably Max's height and stature. Her hair's bound into a bun and I'd have loved to see more of her face, but before I could do so, she's taken into a bunch of embraces by a woman and two younger girls. It seems to be nice to have a caring family.

Some dude tells me to sit down. I'm still totally dazed and kinda in shock or something, but I feel my right arm throbbing again and gaze at it…and just wish I wouldn't have done that. In my upper arm sticks a chunk of metal and the entire sleeve of my long sleeve-shirt is soaked with blood.

Okay…that's just fucked up! I think I need a nap now. Lights out!

* * *

A few hours later…

Truth to be told: I hate to wake up! Why? Because every time I'm ending up in this freakin' paradise, called my life. Sadly, as much as I try to keep my eyes closed and ignore everything around me, my head starts to do its dirty work. And since its doing its thing anyway, let's have a reality check!

I just witnessed how a poor guy got electrocuted, experienced an explosion close by, saved a girl, got pierced by a piece of metal and passed out. Not one of my glorious moments, but I saved that girl and this is all that matters. Does this make me a hero?

"Chloe?" someone says. It's my mom's voice and for once I'm happy to hear it, 'cause actually, I'm feeling like shit. Physically and psychologically. Slowly, I open my eyes, letting them get used to the bright light.

"Ugh, M-Mom?" I weakly answer, just to let her know that I'm conscious. I feel her hand on mine and how she strokes my head. After the blur vanishes from my sight, I look into the stern, worrying face of Joyce. I can't even remember a day she hasn't been worried about me and somehow I feel sorry about that.

"How are you?" she asks me and I think she actually wanted to know more than just my plain "Been better," but lets it drop eventually.

From the corner of my eyes I can see that Mom isn't alone here. David 'Sgt. Shithead' Madsen stands close by the door, eyeballing me like it's been my fault what had happened and instantly I feel the urge to rage again.

"What the fuck is he doing here?"

Of course I already know that he'll fetch the rage-stick and play ball like a good puppy. I know, I know…dick move and totally bitchy, but that's the only real entertainment I get.

"The better question would be, why you weren't in school today?"

Before the whole situation could get any worse, my mom intervenes furiously…such a joy-kill!

"For once, can't you two just stop to fight like an ol' couple and behave like normal people?! Yes, Chloe wasn't in school and she'll get her heat for that later, but right now I'm just glad that she's okay. And, in fact, she saved that poor girl's life. I thought as a veteran you'd acknowledge such a noble deed, David!"

Wow! Go, Mom! And the result's even better, then I would've thought. Mr. I'm-a-badass-soldier grumbles some bullshit into his pornstache and leaves. Epic win! But it comes with a price…literally. Ugh!

"Chloe," Mom sighs, clearly upset and disappointed. "Why are you doing this? Why do you always have to provoke him? He actually cares about you."

"Cares about me?" I scoff back, feeling that I'm about to lose it. "This asshole orders me around, calls me girlie and blames me for every shit that happens."

"He does not, Chloe!" she snaps back and I know that we've passed the point of no return. "He's worried and tries to protect you from yourself. I tried to do it my way, but you never listened or cooperated. I'm at a loss and David's the only answer I have."

_The only answer_…for reals, Mom?! How about some support? How about a hug from time to time? How about you just behave like my Mom?! Of course, I don't tell her that. Why? Because it would hurt every mother to be told that she's shitty at being one. On the other hand, I'm a shitty daughter, too. The situation's fucked and my only answer is adolescent rage.

"David's the worst answer in the history of fucking parenthood!" I state dryly and look out of the window, signing Joyce that the conversation's over. The only thing I hear after that is a sniff and how my Mom leaves the room. It actually breaks my heart and I feel even worse. Damn you, stupid rage!

Now that I'm alone, I've a lotta time to think and that's not always a good thing. Fuck, I'd kill for a joint right now!

But first things first! I'm lying in a standard hospital room, just wearing a gown…and nothing else under it. Don't get me wrong, I actually like being naked. I do it all the time when the temperature is right and Mom and Major Asshat aren't home. It's just that small piece of freedom everyone should enjoy. I sometimes even ditch my pajamas at night.

My right upper arm is wrapped in a bandage and fixed in a sling. It still hurts like fuck, but somehow I'll manage. I'm left handed anyway…at least when it comes to writing and drawing.

Time flies by like…not. I'm bored like shit and if I'd be at home, I'd have already started to rub myself one, only to have something to do and…well, I'm actually about to give it a deeper thought as it knocks at my room door and a whole family invades my room. One man, a woman and three girls of different ages.

From the outside, all of them look as boredom as a hospital room, color variety reaching from white over brown to plain black. Let alone, that they are all fancy dressed, like going to church or somethin'. At first I simply don't know what the fuck I should do with 'em or why the freakin' hell they're in my room, until I spot that blonde girl with a bun. Immediately I recognize those hazel bunny eyes and now I'm even able to see her face and…damn, she's a real cutie!

I mean _cutie_ as in cute like a shy, little bunny…which you wanna cuddle…and stroke behind its ears…on your lap. Okay, that doesn't sound right.

Anyway, I look at those peeps with a frown, 'caaaause…okay, theoretically I know who they are, but…how should I react? What should I say? Something like: _"Dear King and Queen, I, Chloe the brave one, saved ye daughter in distress from the evil electrocutioner. I shall now ask for her hand!"_

Okay, Price, scratch that and keep your fucking pie-hole shut!

"I hope we're not bothering you too much," says the blond guy with glasses in a beige suit, "but we're here to thank you for the rescue of our beloved Kate!"

Kate, huh? Cute name! Ugh, just stop with those mushy thoughts and say something! "Uhm…n-no biggie!"

I don't know what's even more stupid, my stammered words or the idiotic toothy smile I give them. But either this family's too polite and just ignores it or I'm doing great so far. The small girl, Kate, comes towards my bed, holding something in her hands. She gives it to me with the quiet spoken words, "Thank you, may the Lord protect you!"

I look at that thing in my hand with awe. It's a golden necklace with a cross attached to it and though I so don't believe in this religion stuff, I'm more than touched by this present. I mean, I really have to fight to hold back some mushy tears!

After some moments I give Kate an honest smile, followed by a "Thanks, Kate! It's…it's really awesome!"

The rest of that visit I only experience in some kind of a strange tunnel vision. Okay, I fetch up some catchwords here and there, like that this is the Marsh family and that they talk a LOT about _the Lord_, but beside that, my sight is fixed on Kate. I don't know if this is some kind of _savior disorder_ or whatever, but I take in every detail of her. Her slim lips, the small ears, this cute nose, how shy she seems to be, how her small hands touch and fumble with each other. Ugh, fuuuuck! What's wrong with me?!

Luckily, Kate's eyes meet mine once more and…well, it startles me a bit so that I need to look away and…shit! You gotta be fucking shitting me! I'm blushing! But not like a bit, no! My face is literally burning! Thankfully, Kate and her family say their goodbyes as soon as they see me fluster, probably thinking that I'm not well.

After that, I've got a lotta time to think again. And once more, it isn't a good thing.

* * *

A few days later…

Granted, being in hospital sucks, but it has also its advantages, like you don't have to go to school. Ditchin' classes without consequences? Hell yes, I call this a Full House!

Downside: Once you're outta there, it's fucking boring to stay home for so long, and because of your injury, you're pretty much handicapped in doing some things…which isn't that bad for me, since I'm left handed. Although, there's one activity that does come short, since I've always been using my right hand for that and have some problems getting into mood with all that pain 'n' shit.

Right now, I'm lying in bed. It's already one-ish in the morning and I can't sleep. Nothing unusual for me, but it always sucks, because your possibility of doing things are even more limited due nighttime.

Okay, let's put the cards on the table: I haven't done it to myself for quite some time now and my pussy is literally screaming for a massage. What holds me back? Well, a hurting arm and the lack of any material to get off to.

I could watch some porn, but I don't wanna get up again, besides that there are still some spots on my chair from the last time I fucked myself on that thing.

My smut-mags? No, know them too well already.

Hmm…looks like my imagination has to do the trick again. Soooo, what am I gonna use? Hmm…? Some random anime chars? Blade Runner? Sounds both great, let's do it!

As my mind does its smutty work, imagining some hot stuff, I let my left hand brush over my body. Today I'm wearing a pajama, so I need to go around the fabric to touch myself.

First destination are my boobs. Compared to some bitches in my class they're small, but I don't mind, 'cause the good stuff always comes in small packages…like weed or Kate.

…wait! What the fuck was that?! Kate?! Are you serious brain?! Ugh! Guess that whole lifesaving stuff messed with my head too much. Okay, Chloe, take a deep breath and try again!

So, where was I? Oh yeah, right! I brush with my fingertips over my stomach, it tickles and I love that. Time to go deeper. My hand passes the hem of my pajama shorts and as I caress my entire nether region, a question pops up in my mind.

Should I shave down there? I mean, most of them bitches at Blackhell are…well, totally hair-free. True, I'm not the only one who still has a bush down there and I kinda like it, but some uber-biatches like Victoria fucking Chase make fun of it. And I ask myself, why? Is it that bad? Is it just because the porn industry dictates us to do as they please?

Y'know what, fuck it! Since when do I do what others want? Bushy fun it is! I bet Kate has a bush down there, too.

Ugh, fucking shit! Not again! Keep it together, Price! Just do ya thing!

Finally, my fingers reach their destination and I'm already drenched as fuck!

Should it bother me that I got like this by thinking about pussies and that blond girl?

Never mind, there are way more important things ahead and as I start to rub my clit, I'm totally reminded of that. And for some time, everything looks and feels awesome until I hear a moan…from my mom. You gotta be fucking shitting me!

Great, just great! The biggest cockblocker of all time is humping my mom right now and they don't even bother to stay quiet. Y'know, fuck it! I can't have fun, so they shouldn't be allowed to have some fun, too!

Of course I'm not a subtle person, who gives them a soft indication that I can hear their animal-like sounds, no fucking way! I get up, turn on the stereo that once belonged to my dad – revenge from the realm of the dead, motherfucker – and turn up the volume, letting my punk-music blare throughout the entire house. Then I slump back down on my bed and wait.

Not a minute later, a sexually frustrated David with a half-boner in his boxers storms into my room and turns off the music.

"Hey, I was listening to that, asshole!" I yell at him, sitting up straight, though I don't give a fuck that he killed the music.

"It's one in the morning, Chloe, you should be asleep!" he retorts his anger rising, "And I already told you to turn down this punk-crap!"

"If you two can't keep YOUR volume down at night so that I can't sleep and need to turn on my music to prevent myself from spilling my dinner, it's not my fault! Now get outta my room, dipshit!"

What follows, is silence and I literally have to muster all my strength not to laugh out loud as I see David blush like a tomato. Lacking any reply, he just leaves and slams my door shut.

Satisfied, I lay back down with a smirk, take out a cigarette and smoke it. Mushy time's over, but I hope that I killed their mood, too. After some time, I feel drowsy as fuck. So, I press the cig into my ashtray, roll myself into my sheets and sleep in.

* * *

Two days later…

Okay, I'm not a supersocial person. Never was and never will be. So, it surprised me as hell, when Mom came back from work yesterday and told me that Richard Marsh, Kate's dad, invited us to dinner in some fancy restaurant, which's name I can't even spell, and this comes with a fucking bunch of problems.

Firstly, clothes. Since we're practically poor, we never attend any fancy shitshows, therefore lacking the right clothing…not that we could afford it anyway. So, I decide to put on the cleanest black jeans I could find, combined with a tank top, a shirt without any holes and one of my dad's plaid flannel button-shirts. Oh, and of course the necklace Kate had given to me. And I must say, I look pretty awesome!

The second problem is that I'm nervous as fuck! And I don't mean just a bit nervous, no. I actually would like to spit and shit out my guts! But it's not because of the fanciness or all the social stuff ahead. It's because of Kate and this drives me crazy. Why do I act like this? I mean, she's a girl; I'm, too. So, what's the fucking problem here?

Okay, I gave it a deeper thought the other day and actually came up with a theory, but it's…well…kinda…somehow…stupid. Or is it? But here it is: I have a crush on Kate. Stupid, right? And yet…plausible. Ugh, puberty sucks! Don't get me wrong, I don't give any fucks if I'm into girls, boys, both or fluent, but it's still kind of a mindfuck to don't know what's it gonna be.

"Chloe!" my mom yells from downstairs, thankfully distracting my thoughts before I entirely freak, "Stop dawdlin' and move it, we don't wanna be late!"

I take one deep inhale and fight down the need to climb through my window and bail. C'mon, it's just a stupid dinner, not a date!

Slowly, I make my way downstairs, Mom and Major Pain-in-the-ass already waiting for me. She wears some really fancy dress, which is probably older than me, 'cause I've never seen it on her before. He…ugh, wears a suit in boring brown and looks like an idiot.

"What took you so long?" asks Mr. Pornstache, but I'm way too busy to prevent myself from throwing up, so that I only give him a well-deserved middle-finger.

Lacking any other meanings of motorized transportation, we sadly need to take that prick's penis-enlargement. It's ugly, it's loud, it smells, it fits David. And his driving skills are even worse! No wonder that my first destination, after we arrived at the restaurant, is the bathroom, where I'm puking like a horse. Well, everyone in there with me, probably lost their appetite. Not that I care.

After a splash of water in my face – luckily I've a pale skin anyway – and washing out my mouth, I make my way to the table, where everyone's already talking, so I guess I didn't miss much.

"Chloe, are you alright?" asks me…what was his name again? Something with R or M. Or W? Ugh, fuck it, let's just say Mr. Marsh.

"Uh…yeah, Mr. M. Just…y'know, got car sick, 'cause _some_ people don't know how to drive."

As David grinds his teeth upon my criticism regarding his driving skills, I can't suppress a smirk, because he's literally forced to stay quiet and don't shoot back. But I know that I'll get the heat for that later as I see my mom's angry _glare of death_ upon me. So, in order to avoid any other possibilities to get sassy on Lieutenant Limpdick, I focus on Kate.

She sits two seats away from me, her sisters parting us, but I don't mind. Like me, she averts the conversations between our parents and talks more with her obviously younger siblings. Summed up: everybody talks, except me. Time to take the initiative, Chloe!

"Hey Kate, how're ya doing?"

At first, she looks totally taken aback, like _the_ _Lord_ or something has spoken to her, but then the ice breaks and she gives me an actual smile.

"I-I'm fine. Thank you, Chloe! And…uh…how're you?"

"Well," I answer, trying to don't let her realize how nervous I am, "I'm fine…except that my arm hurts like hell and I've still got a shitton of bruises all over my body."

Okay, in hindsight, I shouldn't have used words like _hell_ and _shitton _in front of those kids, 'cause everyone's eyeballing me now like…well, actually like always when I get blamed for something. And right away, my mind switches into bitch-mode.

"What?" I blurt into the round of dumb-looking faces, knowing that Mom's already on the edge again.

"Chloe," she says sternly, her expression telling me that she means business, "I want you to apologize, this instant!"

I know that I fucked up and, actually, I'm about to apologize, if Señor Moustachio just would've kept his pie-hole shut!

"I told you we should've sent her to that therapy!" he mumbles secretly towards my mom, but I heard it and now it's on, motherfucker!

Slamming my hands on the table I shoot up, already knowing that all eyes are on me. Let's give 'em a show!

"Y'know what, _David_? Maybe YOU should go to a fucking therapy and learn that you can't treat kids like soldiers! Maybe they can even teach you how not to grunt like a pig when you're getting off on my mom!"

Oh boy, the whole restaurant has gone silent. They got their show, but nobody's laughing or clapping. I realize that everyone's staring at me. Not us, ME!

Shit, I totally fucked up! I need to get out. I need to get away! And this is what I'm doing: I run away! But not that far away. Just through the backdoor into the alley behind the building. There, I light a cig and take a minute to calm down.

Dammit, I really lost it back there. What will Kate think of me now? Fuck! I better get back inside, apologize and try to save as much dignity as possible. Fuck you, ragin' hormones!

The toilets are close to the backdoor and as I'm about to pass the girl's bathroom, I hear Kate's voice, chiming through the door.

"…don't like her. She's so rude, has no manners and doesn't respect her mother."

"But she saved you, nonetheless," argues another voice, probably her sister.

"I'll be just happy when this dinner is over and I never have to see…"

Then the door opens and Kate stands right in front of me, her surprised gaze on me. "Ch-Chloe! I-I…" she stammers, but I won't let her finish.

"…never want to see me again?"

I'm hurt.

"N-no, I…"

I raise my hand, signing her to shut up. My heart aches. My voice is calm, yet full of bitterness.

"Y'know, Kate, I know that I'm not an easy person. I tend to lose it or to curse, but…that's who I am. And you're not the first person who wants to get rid of me, so…I'll be on my way then."

I've barely managed to finished my sentence before I turn around and run away. This time for real.

I run and run and run. My heart hurts so much. Damn, my eyes start to leak and without a warning, a sob escapes my mouth. I'm crying. I'm fucking crying! Yes, Chloe, you're damnshitfucking crying and you deserve this! You blew it, you stupid cunt! You're not a hero, you're an asshole! Why did you do this? Was it worth it? Why couldn't you for just one, freakin' evening ignore David?!

Actually, nothing of this matters anymore. It's over. Fuck the world! Move on, Price! Chill! Go, get some weed, get super-high and space out! Next destination: Frank's RV down at the beach. Hopefully he's there.

* * *

There it is, finally! Sweet herbal salvation, here I come! My phone buzzed several times during my walk down here, but I didn't bother to even look at it, 'cause I know that it's just my mom, going all _Where are you?_ and _There will be consequences! _on me, but I couldn't care less. Somewhere on my way I ditched the sling. Don't need that stupid thing anymore! Weed will kill that bit of pain anyway.

I've reached the door of the RV, knock on it and wait…and wait…and wait some more. C'mon Frank, don't leave me hangin' here!

"Frank, you there?" I say and knock again. "C'moooon! It's me, Chloe!"

Then I hear some shuffling and mumbled curses from inside and a few seconds later, the door opens. A tall man with short, scruffy blond hairs, a trimmed beard and plain clothes steps outside: Frank Bowers, local bad boy and drug dealer.

"Whaddaya want, Price?" he asks, obviously pretty pissed off by my sudden occurrence. I just hope that a wry smirk can calm him down…but why should it?

"Uhm…hey Frank, I…uh…I need some weed."

"Yeah, sure!" he says with a shrug, getting dead serious right after it. "As soon as you give me the one-hundred bucks you owe me."

Dammit! Not that topic again. I'll pay him back as soon as I get my hands on some money, but not now.

"You'll get it, but…I don't have it on me right now, 'cause this is some kind of an emergency. Please, Frank, I'm on the edge and need it!"

Fuck, I hate that I literally have to beg, but else my chances to get a break are down to zero. At first, he just gazes at me, like he doesn't take me seriously, but then he goes back inside his RV and comes back with my much wanted joint.

"Thanks, dude!"

"But you have to share!"

Share, don't share, I don't care! After I gave him a shrug, Frank lights the joint, takes a deep draft and hands it to me. As the dense smoke enters my lungs I feel immediately relaxed. Gosh, I needed that! We sit down on the camping chairs on front of the RV, silently smoking the pot.

"So, I heard that you're a hero now," mentions Frank out of a sudden, making me look at him with a frown. Where the hell did he get that from? "This town's small, Price. News travels fast."

Okay, I got some kind of an answer, but, actually, I don't wanna talk about this. "I'm not a hero, Frank."

"Modest, huh?" he replies simply, taking the last hit from our joint and throws the rest away. "Listen, Price, normally I don't give a fuck about other people's business, but I wanna give you a free advice anyway. It doesn't matter if you're a fucking hero or not, the people see you as one and you should use this opportunity!"

Ugh, it's almost late evening, I'm high and Frank goes all Dr. Phil on me. What the freakin' hell?!

"What do you mean?"

"Just think about it, you idiot!" Frank replies and stands up, already heading for his RV again and I somehow fear that he would leave me here without any clue, but luckily, he stops before entering his…well, home. "I know how it is to be the town's troublemaker. I never got rid of that reputation and adapted to it, eventually. But you…you have the chance now to show the people that you're more than just a delinquent. Or do you wanna end up like me?"

He leaves that question out in the open and slams the door shut. Looks like this conversation is over!

Now that he'd given me a lot to ponder about, I take a walk at the beach, thinking about Frank's words and about my life in general. Do I really wanna be and stay this ever raging, angry person?

I mean, ever since my dad died everything went to shit and I always blamed others for that. Dad, Mom, Max, school, Sergeant Shithead…because of them I feel left alone and misunderstood. But…but maybe it's me who's to blame, not them. Well, except David, he just sucks fulltime!

Fuuuuck! So much to think about! I decide to sit down, take out a cig and light it. It's totally dark and no moon's shining, so seeing the ocean isn't that exciting, but the sound of the waves, crushing on the beach gives me some inner peace and I keep on thinking.

That day I saved Kate, I actually did something I never had done before. I didn't think about myself, but helped that cute little girl. I literally took care of her and…it felt great! I was actually happy as I saw that Kate was alright and back with her family. Maybe Frank's right. Maybe I should actually use the good reputation and show the people of this fucking town that I'm better than being a delinquent. That I'm more. That I'm a different Chloe fucking Price!

* * *

May 2010

What's the saying? Old habits die hard…or somethin'. Doesn't matter, 'cause you can't really put a 12-gauge shotgun to their head and pull the trigger. No, you need to do it slowly, like putting small amounts of arsine into their food and hope that nobody realizes that you're agonizingly murdering them. That's at least what I'm trying.

During the last couple of weeks I tried to change. No more raging, no more skipping school, doing my homework and some chores, less weed, alcohol and cigs, and last but not least, trying to ignore David's bullshit for my mom's sake.

So, how am I doing so far?

No more raging? I'm really trying my best to avoid any situations that would push me over the edge. Of course it's not always possible, but…at least I can say that it's now only partially my fault when I'm losing it.

Not skipping school? The easiest task. Just go there, ignore everyone, bore through classes, get you're As or Bs in a test and that's it. Easy-peasy!

Do my homework and some chores? Uhm…yeah…not that easy. Homework are just too easy and therefore a waste of time, but…ugh, I'm doing them anyway with a big lack of motivation, which sometimes doesn't lead to the wished for results. And the chores? Let's just say that I try to make as less dirt as possible, and if some shit lies around I simply blame David.

Less weed, alcohol and cigs? Oh boy, difficult topic! Let's just say…that I don't get wasted all the time anymore and cut my medication back to once or twice a week. But hey, at least I try, though it's very hard.

Summed up: Frank was right. Since I saved Kate, nobody gave me shit anymore. Even Principal Wells cut me some slack on punishing me for skipping school that very day. I'm kind of a hero...or something, and I should be proud that I'm doing so good, but actually…I'm not.

I'm depressed and feel kinda empty. Even after so many weeks, Kate's words are still swirling around in my head like a maelstrom of fucked up shit. I don't even know, why? I shouldn't give a fuck about that, but I still do and that drives me nuts! Even a fucking Firewalk-gig at the old mill wasn't able to cheer me up. I mean, _Firewalk_, the coolest band ever, was there and all I did was sitting at the bar, gulpin' down three bottles of beer in slow-motion, instead of thrashin' the mosh pit!

What the freakin' hell is wrong with you, Price?!

There even was a hot, blonde chick – somehow she looked familiar – who seemed to peel off my clothes with her eyes and obviously wanted to make a move on me, but I just flipped her off and headed home after that.

Damn, where the heck have I seen her before? Ugh, fuck it!

Right now I'm headin' towards the grocery store, getting some eggs for today's dinner. It's Saturday, so the town's pretty much stuffed with people and families. Most of 'em are just taking a walk, do some shopping or meet for a coffee and some chatting. Like in most towns, the majority of the shops are situated in the center. The grocery store alone is surrounded by a convenience store, a coffee shop, a store for technical stuff, a tea shop…HOLY FUCK, THERE SHE IS!

Again I don't know, why, but as soon as I spot Kate, sitting at a table in front of the tea shop, I make myself scarce by hiding around the next corner. My heart hammers in my chest and I'm close to hyperventilation. Shit, I just hope that she hasn't seen me.

Okay, it was more than crystal-clear that we would see each other in town eventually, but fuuuuck! It catches you so off guard! What should I do now? Run away? Just walk past and ignore her? Or…

"Chloe?" it suddenly chimes softly behind me, which scares the shit outta me so much that I scream a "HOLY BEJESUS!", making everyone around look at me. With my eyes wide open and entirely breathless, I stare at Kate, who's standing there, once more fumbling with her cute fingers while she looks pretty taken aback.

"Uh…s-sorry," I manage to stammer and immediately I feel a tickling in my stomach, "I'm kinda jumpy today."

She just nods slightly. From her expression and the try to avert my gaze, I realize that she's at least as nervous as I am, but at least she manages to form a complex sentence.

"Chloe, I want to apologize for my rude words at the restaurant. Those were neither fair nor true. I…I felt really bad because of what I said. I mean, you saved my life and I…I just…"

Suddenly she breaks down into tears right in front of me, and all I can think about, is to take this poor bunny in my arms and sooth her softly, which I do right away. Having this small, fragile, sobbing body in my arms again, I remember the day I saved her life and it kinda warms my heart. But there are also new things I realize now.

I realize how warm and soft she is, so I start to brush her back. And her scent. She smells like peach-flavored shampoo, paired with a mix of strawberry and another sweet aroma. Gosh, I just wanna hold on to her forever! But I can't! People are already staring, so I softly break the contact and look at her deeply, saying the most soothing words that come up into my mind.

"Hey, it's okay, Kate! I'm not mad at you anymore and besides…" I sigh. Gosh, it's hard to admit a failure, "…I was the one being rude in the first place. I shouldn't have been ragin' it up and behavin' like a bitch."

"Y-you're not a…a…bee, Chloe!" she replies shyly and I don't even know what's cuter, how she fought to even faintly say _bitch_ or how she flustered after picturing me better than I really am. Either way, I'm chuckling and fling my arm around her shoulders.

"Thanks for the flowers, dude! Wanna have some tea?" Okay, tea has never been my favorite drink of choice – I'd rather enjoy some coffee or a beer – but for Kate I'd make an exception.

"O-okay!"

So, we sit down in front of the tea shop and I browse through the different types of tea on the menu. At first, everything looks pretty simple. I read stuff like _peppermint_ or _rosehip_ and think, _'Okay, you got this!'_, but then terms like _Assam_, _Darjeeling_, _second flush_ and such shit turns up and I'm totally lost. Does it look kinda stupid to ask Kate for something simple as tea names?

"Uh…Kate?"

"Yeah?" she answers with a sweet smile and I think that she's obviously happy to sit here with me, the bad mood from before entirely gone.

"Sorry that I'm asking, but…don't they have somethin' like coffee 'n' sh-…stuff?"

"Oh, if you want something equal to coffee then I'd suggest a black tea. You can even put cream and sugar in it. I can choose one for you, if you want to!"

"Yeah…that'd be great!"

Phew, dodged that bullet!

Kate immediately orders us our tea and for quite some moments we just sit there, an awkward silence between us, and if I hate something, then it's awkward silence! So, let's break it!

"So…uh…you come often here?"

Facepalm!

All the possible questions in the world and you come up with this? What the fuck, Chloe?! Luckily, Kate's still in a good mood. Shy, but good mood!

"Oh, uh…yes. It's the only tea shop in town, so…yes. Uh…h-how've you been, Chloe?"

"Well…actually great, except that I felt pretty shitty 'bout how things went down at the restaurant. I try to change that stupid raging stuff, but it's darn hard."

"And your arm?"

"Still attached. The pain is almost gone and nothing got really injured, so I'm actually fine. And…uh, how're you?"

Being the shy bunny that she is, Kate averts my gaze, her sight fixed on my…chest?! I follow it and realize that she's staring at the golden necklace she'd given me at the hospital.

"Oh yeah, your necklace. It helps me to remind that I can be better than just an ever-angry asshole. Hope you don't mind that it hangs around with three bullets."

Flustering really heavy, Kate turns away, just mumbling a "No, it's okay!" and I'm stuck with the mystery if she has been eyeballing the necklace or my tits. Eventually and luckily, our tea gets served and breaks this more than awkward moment.

Though I know that she has entirely ignored my question about her well-being, I decide to let it drop, 'cause I don't wanna pressure her too much. Just sitting here with me and having a tea seems to be pretty intense for her. Gosh, she's so shy!

"Chloe?" she quietly speaks to me, her gaze fixed on the table, "Why did you save me? I mean, you were like thirty feet away, yet you ran the entire way towards me, right into the danger zone. Why?"

Huh! Okay, that question catches me off guard. Why did I save her? Good question!

"Actually, I don't know. I just…I just felt that shit was hitting the fan and reacted."

"Oh!" is everything she replies and pauses. Obviously that wasn't the answer she had expected. C'mon, you can do better, Price!

"Truth be told, it just felt right. I mean, you were standing there and I thought to myself: _Chloe, you can't let that cute girl get hurt!_"

Now her face gets even redder and I realize that I've just called her _cute_. Ugh! Why don't ask her for a date right away, idiot?!

"Do…do you really think I'm…cute?"

Shit! Figures, that she would catch this particular word. Well, no need to deny it anymore. Just go into the offence and hope the best!

"Uhm…y-yeah! Of course…y'know…not cute as in sexually attractive…I-I mean I don't wanna say that you aren't attractive…you are, by the way, b-but I…ugh!"

FACEPALM!

Of course an as embarrassing as possible silence occurs as we both stare in different directions, only to avert our flustered faces. But as Kate mumbles something again, it throws me off the chair…literally!

"I-I think you're cute, too!"

THUD!

I think I might've hit my head on impact or somethin', 'cause everything is just a blur for some time until Kate's cute, worried face comes into my sight.

"Chloe! A-are you okay?"

"Did you just call me _cute_?" is everything I muster to answer as she helps me getting up again. Dammit, I really give the people in town a show today.

"I-I…" Kate stammers at first, but then inhales and giggles. "No, I just said: Well, thank you!"

Great, just great! I'm not only acting like a fucking moron, I also behave like one! UUUUGH!

"I better get going." Kate suddenly says and the first thing I do, is congratulating myself for scaring her away. Well done, Chloe! You asshole!

"Yeah, sorry for…y'know…"

But then something happens that catches me totally off-guard…again.

"I'd love to do this again, some time! O-of course only if you want to."

"Yeah!" I blurt out accidently and I want to slap myself again, until I hear this sweet giggling.

"Next Saturday, same time?" she asks with a shy smile, which lets my heart perform some summersaults.

"Yeah, sounds cool!" I reply, trying not to grin like a love-struck idiot and again I get surprised as Kate gives me a mushy hug. She then says her Goodbye and as soon as I can't feel her warmth and closeness anymore, I feel empty.

* * *

June 2010

Okay, granted, I'd have lied if I'd said that I trust Kate entirely, but to my surprise, she kept her word and we really met a week later. And the weekend after that, and the weekend after that. Until today we met every single Saturday for some tea and I must admit, I start to like that stuff. Hell, who would've thought that there are so many various tastes of tea?! I didn't!

And Kate? We both opened up to each other more and more with every tea-session, and I'd even say that we've become friends. Really close friends. This leads us to today.

The last school week's over and summer break has started…and I even made it through this school year! Yay, go Chloe! Anyway, vacation has started…which doesn't mean anything special to me, except from more boredom since I'm not gonna take one little step out of this shittown…but Kate does. Actually, she isn't gonna be one single day in Arcadia during the entire fucking time until school starts again. Vacation in Cali, visiting some relatives in the middle of fucking nowhere, bible-camp, you name it.

After she told me this I…I felt kinda sad…really, really fucking sad…like bawling…what I actually did…of course after I was home again. Shit, I'm gonna miss that little cutie-pie and she knows it. So, Kate came up with an idea.

Today we didn't meet for tea. Today, Kate's gonna spend the night at my place and it's gonna be fucking awesome! Like the time Max had been still around.

Ha! Max…right…since I've got Kate now, this little bitch can go and fuck herself…if she doesn't do this already. No, really. Kate shows me that I can have other friends, and if this stuck-up photo-cunt doesn't want to talk with me anymore, then she can eat shit and drop dead! Okay, not exactly dropping dead. More like staying alive and finally get her shit together…'n' stuff. Ugh, I still miss her! Hope she's okay!

So, where was I? Oh yeah! So, I planned to make a movie night. With Max this would've meant lots of junk-food, horror, zombies 'n' shit. With Kate it's more like Kids TV…which isn't a problem for me. Hey, I love this animation stuff, so why not? Steph supplied me with a bunch of nice movies and I already picked some favs, like _Spirited Away _and _Kiki's Delivery Service_. Pretty solid classics and suited for my little Katie!

_Ding-dong!_

Shit, there she is! What shall I do? Am I lookin' okay? Should I've showered beforehand? Do I smell like an ashtray?

"Chloe!" my mom's voice sounds from downstairs, "Kate's here!"

Okay, Price, stay cool, go downstairs and…

Suddenly my room door opens and there she stands, her sweet yet shy smile on her lips and a backpack on her shoulder.

"Hello, Chloe!" she says with that cute voice, and all I manage so say is:

"Uh…h-hey, Katie! …uhm…"

And there's this sweet giggle again and…is she blushing? Or is it just fucking hot in here? I mean, the sun shines almost the whole fucking day into my room…and it's directly under the roof. Damn, and my heart feels like it wants to jump out of my chest! That's so not because of the heat. Fuuuuck, get a grip of yourself, Chloe!

And then she suddenly hugs me! Now the heat is rushing through my entire body…well, actually it gathers in my crotch. Not good! So, I break the hug again and immediately get lost in her eyes. Dammit, why am I crushing on her that bad?! She's a devout Christian and so not gay! Thank god that there's a big cockblocker, called David, at my house today.

"Chloe! Dinner's ready, so move it!"

This is already so embarrassing that I just groan and roll with my eyes.

"Sorry, I forgot to tell you that a giant asshole haunts around the house today." I comment dryly, which lets Kate chuckle again.

"You don't like the boyfriend of your mom very much, aren't you?"

"Nope!" is everything there's to say, before I sigh. "Listen, I'm gonna get us some munch and you get yourself comfortable. I know my room looks like a junkyard, but…just don't touch anything that looks strange and avoid sniffing on the scattered dirty clothes."

And once more she giggles, covering her mouth. "I'll try."

With these safety- and embarrassment-rules settled, I make my way downstairs to grab some grub. While Mom knows that I've company tonight, Sergeant Fuckface simply doesn't care and tries to _convince _me that real families are eating at the same table. Yeah, well, we're not a family, so fuck you, David! Thank goodness that Mom covers my ass and I'm able to leave with two big plates, filled with Mac 'n' Cheese.

Once back in my room, I see that Kate has already made herself comfy on my bed, a fancy laptop in front of her.

"Holy fuck! Nice piece of tech!"

Okay, sometimes I see Kate's face scrunch up because of my notorious habit of cursing my way through life, but it mostly vanishes in an instant and is replaced by a soft smile or chuckle.

"Thanks, Chloe! My parents gave it to me as a Christmas present. I hope you don't mind that I'm just finishing the book report."

"Book report?! School's just done for three months and you're still writing a book report?!"

"It's not for school, Chloe," says Kate, "It's a task we get for every summer camp. Every year we have to choose a random book and interpret it to the teachings of the bible. You know, similarities and/or differences."

Wow, that sounds…boring. But hey, it's her hobby, so be nice and act intrigued, Chloe!

"Wow, that sounds really gr-…"

"…boring?" she completes my sentence with a friendly smile. Uh…okay, didn't expect that and she realizes my dumbfounded expression, reacting with her cute chuckle. "I know it's kinda geeky and so not down your alley."

Damn, she's smart! Hopefully, she's not able to actually read me like a book or else it's gonna be fucking embarrassing. "Well…depends on the literature. So, what book did you choose?"

"_Harry Potter._"

Aaaand again she surprises me. Gosh, this girl's a mystery! "_Harry Potter_?! Aren't these books like…I dunno…like Satan's bum for your folks?" I say and put down the plates with our food and rummage through my backpack to find those freakin' DVDs.

On hindsight, I shouldn't have said _Satan, _since it's a big no-no-word, but it seems like Kate refuses to be pissed at me, no matter how much I fuck up.

"Actually, no. Though there are a lot religious groups, who'd like to burn these books on a stake for the use of witchcraft, I see a lot of references to the bible in it. Take Lord Voldemort for example. He's the main antagonist and the most evil wizard the world has ever seen. He's symbolized by a snake, which is also the symbol for the greater evil in the bible. See, already a similarity!"

Okay, smartness is nothing in comparison to Katie. Gosh, I dig her so much! Time for some distraction…and food.

"I'll be damned! Looks like I've to watch those movies someday for reals!"

"Read the books! They're way better and more detailed than the movies. I can borrow them to you, if you want to."

"Done!" I reply with smirk and am kinda really intrigued to read those books. "But let's get to the main-attraction of this evening!" Finally, I find the DVDs, pull them out and reach them to Kate, who gasps.

"Chloe! A-are those pirated?!"

Normally, I would've raged on everybody who would give me shit for some pirated DVDs, but Kate…well, I kinda feel ashamed right now.

"Well…kinda. I-I mean, yeah. Sorry! Shall we watch somethin' else?"

"No! No, it's fine! Just the first time I have something like that in my hand, but…but it's okay! Let's watch this one!"

She reaches me _Kiki's Delivery Service_, and I put it in her Laptop and start the movie. We both then get comfortable on my bed and dig in. And while the movie continues to play, Kate and I come closer and closer until we're both cuddled together.

* * *

A few hours later…

We ended up watching the two Anime and Kate seemed to like 'em. At least, she didn't say any different. Between the two movies we already made ourselves ready for the sack.

Right now it's something around mid-night and Kate and I are lying in my bed. She, wrapped in my spare blanked and I without any cover, 'cause this night is way to warm for me to be wrapped in some sheets.

At first I think that's only me who can't catch some Zs, until Kate speaks up.

"Chloe?"

"Yeah?"

"Thanks for this evening. It was really awesome!"

"Well…uhm…Thanks! Glad you liked it. I found it awesome, too. Long time since someone spent the night here for some fun."

As a moment of silence occurs, I somehow feel that it's an awkward kinda quietness. And this gets confirmed not a second later.

"Chloe, d-do you have a…a boyfriend?"

Shit, never thought we'd have a girls-talk tonight. Well, I underestimated Katie again. But more important is what should I tell her? Should I stretch the truth a bit or just tell her the cold reality?

"Uhm…no. Not right now, anyway."

"But you had one?"

"Well…kinda. More a good friend from the ol' days. We went to some concerts together and one time…ugh, once I was so wasted and depressed that I…y'know…did it with him."

"Oh!"

_Oh_?! Did I say something wrong? Okay granted, getting your V-card punched at the age of fifteen isn't quite right, especially not for religious folks like Kate, but…it happened and I won't hide from it. Yet, I feel the need to explain myself.

"Yeah, it's fucked, I know. And I regret it. Would've rather loved to get my cherry popped by someone I actually care for."

And there it is again, this uncomfortable silence. I hear Kate's heavy breathing and then…a sob?! Is something wrong with her? But before I'm able to ask, Kate wraps her arm and leg around me and pulls me in for a big hug.

"I'm gonna miss you so much, Chloe!" she whimpers into my ear and I can't help myself, but to give in to my leaking eyes, too.

"I'm gonna miss you too, Katie! I'm gonna miss you, too!"

* * *

The next day…

I think there's a saying, and it goes: _home is where you heart is_. Well, if that's the case, then my home's about to leave for three freakin' months!

Last night, Kate had fallen asleep in my arms and I found it so comfortable and…well, kinda relaxing. But where she had the luxury to escape reality for some hours, I stayed awake, pondering about my feelings. And I think it's the right time to make it official: I'm majorly crushing on Kate. There you have it! Chloe fucking Price, all-time-troublemaker, hardcore-gal and coolest attraction in town is in love with a cute, shy and smart-as-fuck Catholic schoolgirl. And figuring that out was just the easy part.

The real cause for my lack of sleep, however, was a bunch questions: When and how should I tell her my true feelings? Should I tell her at all? Would she despise me for being into girls? Would it destroy our friendship?

UGH! I don't know! The only thing I really know is that there are too many unknown variables, so that I decided that I'm gonna keep my mouth shut, though it's eating me from inside.

It's somewhat around 7 in the morning when I finally realize that trying to sleep is nothing more than a fucking waste of time. Kate is still cuddling my arm and to feel her warmth just drives me insane, especially as I make myself clear again that it's only two hours till her departure.

With a sigh and an already hurting heart I cautiously free myself from my little Katie's surprisingly strong hold. And that's the point I make a darnshitfucking mistake. Instead of just getting up, my sight gets fixed on that cutie's beautiful face and then…ugh, I don't why, but I place a freakin' kiss on her cheek, and what follows after that, is such a rush of emotions that it almost kills me.

My body heats up and all I wanna do is to kiss her again and again. But then she starts to move and panic takes over. Was she already awake? Does she know that I kissed her? Is she gonna be pissed at me for doing that? I don't know and I don't wanna know! That's why I do what I can do best: run away! Destination: bathroom.

I've barely reached it as I break down and bawl like a baby. I don't want Kate to leave! I don't wanna be alone! I want her friendship! I want her love! But what're the odds? She's a fucking Christian! She believes in abstinence before marriage. There is no…fucking…way that she is into you, Price. So, just burry those wet dreams and face reality!

My head starts to buzz and I feel all dizzy 'n' shit. Fuck, I need some food and caffeine or I'll collapse like the stock market on Black Friday! After I splash some water into my face to hide my last emotional fuckdown, I head for the kitchen. To no surprise, my mom's already busy creating an awesome meal for her favorite…well, only daughter and her friend. Full eggs 'n' bacon glory. Hell yes, gimme those calories!

"Morning," I mumble as I grab myself a mug and fill it to the brim with coffee, taking a big gulp right on the spot. Blech, without cream and sugar it tastes like ass, but I need the high, since Kate's literally sleeping on my weed stash.

"G'morning, sweetheart! Had a goodnight's sleep?" says Mom in her common waitress-chitchat tone. Still feeling like shit, I only manage to turn towards her, which immediately induces her to arch an eyebrow. "Obviously, not. Wanna talk 'bout it?"

"Talk 'bout what?"

"Chloe," she starts, still focused on the eggs and bacon in the pan, and I know this tone. It's her _I-know-you-too-well-and-know-that-you-fucked-up_ tone. "I know how it looks when you spent the entire night partyin' and drinkin', but I don't think that Kate would be in for such shenanigans. So, wanna tell me what kept you up all night?"

Shit! Mom really knows me too well. Sometimes I forget how smart she really is. She once was on a good way to become a teacher until fate fucked us over and she got forced to keep the job as a waitress to pay the bills.

But do I wanna tell her? I mean, she's my mom and closest person I have to talk about such shit, like feelings. Plus, I planned on improving our mother-daughter relationship, sooo…ugh, fuck it!

"Mom," I say, fumbling with the mug in my hands, "How do you make it legit that you crush on someone and how do you confess these feelings without fucking things up?"

Bewildered about this sign of trust to talk about the pretty much fucked-up world of my feelings, Joyce drops the spatula and gives me her entire focus. Gosh, it's so embarrassing and I just hope that Colonel Condom doesn't crash in on us.

"Well, it depends on the lucky one. Mind to share who it is?"

Okay, talking about feelings is one thing, but speaking about that the _lucky one_ lies in your bed, is your friend and a younger Christian girl is a whole new level of _oh my god, I don't wanna talk about this shit anymore_. Lacking the ability to rewind time and undo my stupid decision, the only thing that comes into my mind is to blush, look away and try not to freak out.

"Oh Chloe, don't tell me that it's Kate."

I'd lie if I'd say that I expected a positive response. But hearing such non-empathetic bullshit just drives me bonkers!

"So?!" I shoot back, arms crossed and bitchy backtalking enabled.

"Chloe," Mom sighs, shaking her head, "she's fourteen and I know for a fact that her mother is against such bonds."

"Then she can suck a dick!"

"Please, Chloe! For once listen to me and don't seduce that poor girl into something she doesn't want."

"Who're you to tell what Katie wants? Wanna tell me to stop crushing on girls, too? Huh?! Wanna arrange a marriage for me with some ugly, rich dickhead to finally get rid of our financial problems? Huh?! HUH?!"

Then something happens I'd never expected. Instead of bitchin' back, Mom closes in and takes me into a comforting hug. And this really makes me shut up.

"Chloe," she says calmly, "I'm fine with the decisions you make for your love-life. That's not me to judge. But all I'm asking you now is to wait for Kate to become aware of what she wants, too."

"Y-you mean I should wait?"

Breaking the hug, she gives me the warm smile of a caring mother and nods. "Oh my sweetie-pie, all I want for you is to be happy. Kate's already very fond of you and I just hope that she'll make the right decision when the time comes."

* * *

Thank whoeverthefuck that I've already calmed down as Kate joins us.

"Morning!" her sweet voice chimes as she walks towards the dining table, still in her pajama, rubbing her eyes. Gosh, she looks so cute and gorgeous! I literally feel my heart almost jumping outta my chest as I bask in such an amount of cuteness. With a big yawn, Kate sits down right beside me and – to my surprise – just grabs my mug and takes a gulp of coffee.

"Morning, Katie!" I say with a giggle as I see her scrunch up her nose in disgust.

"Eww, I thought you always drink your coffee with a lotta cream and sugar."

"Not after such a shitty night," I reply and realize right away that this sounded kinda wrong. "I-I mean the night with you…uh, I-I mean the sleepover was great and…um…"

"Good morning, sweetie!" Mom throws in, saving my butt. "You want some tea instead?"

"That'd be nice. Thank you, Joyce!" Kate answers with the sweetest smile that would melt away the entire Antarctic ice-shield.

"Black tea and eggs 'n' bacon, coming right up!"

A few minutes late, each of us has a plate with Mom's delicious food in front of us and we dig in. And though I love my mom's food, I'm busier focusing on Kate than anything else, until Sergeant Shithead tramples in with a faintly grumbled "Morning!" chiming through his pornstache. Oh boy, bad mood ahead. Let's hope I can keep my shit together.

And for a few minutes it actually looks like everything could go smoothly, but of course Dickwad-David has to let out another brain-fart.

"Chloe, how many times have I told you, if you use some tools, put them back where they belong!"

Oh shit, bullshit alert! Granted, I used a wrench to finally repair the fucking sink in the fucking bathroom, since Mr. Fixshit-Fuckhead was too lazy to do it. Need…to…resist…the urge…to-…ugh, fuck it!

"Oh, you're absolutely right, DAVID! And since you're the biggest tool here, how about we get you back where you belong?"

Actually, I hate showing my bitchy side when Kate's around, but damn! It's so hard to not rage against this fucker! I just see the disappointment in my mom's eyes, because she knows how things will turn out now. Dammit, it's so exhausting for her to see me and David verbally beating the crap out of each other, but what's the alternative? Should I just give in to this motherfucker, who orders me around and invades my home? Mom just brought him into my life over night without asking me, if I'm okay with it. I don't like him and that's a fact I can't change. So, the fighting will go on and I'll be prepared for every shit he tries to lay upon me! But surprisingly, it doesn't happen. The reason: my little Katie!

"Chloe," she says, touching my arm softly. And it's like a calming energy flows through my body, just by feeling her hand on my skin. "I wanna take a shower. Can you fetch me a towel, please?"

For a few seconds, I'm just stunned. Gulping hard as I imagine this touch on some other random place on my body. Shoo-shoo, be gone ye smutty thoughts!

"Uh, yeah…sure!"

We both get up and I don't even care that half of my breakfast remains on the plate. Maybe I'll eat it later.

While Kate gets her clothes 'n' stuff, I already try to find a clean towel by rummaging through some drawers and wonder a lot about all that manly stuff lying 'round. David's stuff! Oh dear gosh, don't let him move in here!

"I think I'll take this one," it suddenly chimes behind me. And once more I have to gulp as I spy Kate with my pirate towel in her hands. Okay, I washed it yesterday, but it still looks shabby as shit by the constant usage over the years.

"Uhm…okay. Knock yourself out!"

"Thanks!" she replies with a smile and then we just stand there, gazing each other's eyeballs out, whereas, after a minute or so, Kate starts slightly to blush and shifts her sight to the ground, fumbling with her fingers, nervously. "Uh, Chloe? I…I-I wanna take a shower now."

Ugh, idiot!

"Uh, yeah…right. Sorry! Have fun!"

My face is probably red like tomato. Quickly, I leave for my room and wait, trying to keep my shit together. I wanna tell her so much about my feelings, but Mom's right. Rushing things will just fuck everything up. I should at least wait until Kate's back from her vacation.

The door to my room opens, and a happy smilin', freshly dressed Kate comes in. "Done!" she says and now it's my turn.

"'kay! Be back in a jiff!"

I lock the bathroom door and undress. I don't know if it's quite common to constantly look at your developing body during puberty, but here I am, doing it again, realizing that my package has grown a bit more. If Kate would like 'em? Or is she gonna be jealous, because hers aren't that big? Ugh, just shower, Chloe!

I'm about to enter the tub as I see my towel, wet and hanging on the rail. Normally, I try not to be pervy, but I just can't resist my nosiness to take sniff for Kate's scent. The fabric's smell is a mixture of detergent, Kate's peach-flavored shampoo and…something else. A faint smell. Sweet and unique. Kate's smell!

I take a deep inhale and feel how a burning heat forms in my belly and spreads down to my crotch. Another inhale later I feel how my body gets all sensitive. After taking the towel off the rail, I start to press it close to my body, imagining that it's Kate. Well, looks like I can't keep it together. Damn you, primitive urge for procreation!

The hot sensation between my legs gets unbearable and I let my hand glide down my body, over my pubic mound and right to the spot where it belongs right now. Fuck, I'm so drenched! Slowly I start to rub my clit. The jolt of lust that follows is so hard that I gasp and have to lean against the wall to prevent myself from collapsing. Damn, that's so hot. I definitely need more, but since I'm not the quietest one in the sack, I decide to turn on the shower and get myself comfortable in the tub.

Finally, my lewd sounds covered by the noise of flowing water and siting comfy, I spread my legs and continue to play, Kate's scent imprinted in the back of my brain. To the rub on my clit, I now add a finger into my pussy. And right away a question pops up in my head. How is it possible to put more fingers in there? I mean, I tried it once, but I seem to be pretty tight built down there and Eliot's dick was actually very slim and it still hurt like fuck. Ugh, just focus, Chloe!

I don't know how long it takes, maybe a minute or so, but that orgasm beats every other one before! Hopefully, I wasn't too loud and after some minutes of cool down, I eventually end up doing what I originally had planned to do: washing myself. And now that I'm not horny anymore, I realize that, after this very shower, Kate is gonna leave, which makes me cry big fucking tears.

* * *

Sometimes there are moments when you wish you could turn back time; again and again to stay in these particular moments. Like, right now.

It's only minutes until Kate's family arrives to pick her up. Before she's gone for months.

Right after I returned from showering, my smart, little Kate realized my red, puffy eyes and asked me what's wrong. Well, let's just say that my badassery went to shit and I immediately started to bawl like a baby.

And here we are, right now, crying our eyes out, arm-in-arm.

The door bell rings and it sounds like Armageddon for me. We both cuddle even closer and again I'm thinking about to confess Kate my feelings.

"Katie, your parents are here!" my Mom's voice chimes from downstairs and the idea to grab Kate's hand and bail someplace else, appears in my mind. But that's just wishful thinking. I gather all my composure as best as I can to say those next words.

"I think it's time, Katie!"

But instead of answering me, she tightens her grip even more. "I wish you could come with me!"

"Yeah," I say with a scoff, imagining how cool this would be. Let's use this to give her some hope. "Maybe next time, when your mom has finally stopped trying to kill me with her death-stare."

And to my surprise, Kate starts to chuckle. "Yeah, that'd truly be nice!"

Success!

Cautiously we break our hug and I give her an unintentional brush on her cheek…oops!

"Hey, it's…well, _just_ three months and…um…when you're back, we'll blow some shit up, okay!"

"Eww, can't wait for that!" she snickers and my heart jumps like crazy when I see her happy. But eventually, time's running out and fate waits without any mercy. Therefor, I take a deep breath a grab her bag.

"C'mon, Katie, let's get this shit over with!"

* * *

Late July, 2010

Okay, turned out, saying goodbye hadn't been that hard. Only later I got a full-blown panic attack that Kate might ditch me, but it didn't happen. Unlike Max, sweet little Katie texted me as soon as they arrived in Cali.

And that's what we're doing all day long since then: texting and talking. And that keeps me fucking sane. She even sends me pictures! Yes, Max, Kate sends me a lotta pictures, though she's not even such a photo nerd. Take that, bitch! Or just finally call me!

I'm just glad that Kate precious our friendship so much. We pull through and that's what matters.

Oh, by the way, I skipped weed entirely. Too expensive and not needed anymore. Kate cured me of this shit and I still have alc and cigs to do the rest.

What else? Hmm…oh yeah, to overcome the boring days I work more shifts, started skateboarding again and decided to put some dough aside for a car.

Damn, I really make some changes in my life! The only thing that hasn't changed is my feud with Sergeant Pepper. Well, you can't have everything, so fuck it!

Right now I'm lying on my bed, smoke a cig, listen to some tunes, only wearing my panties, 'cause it's so damnfucking hot.

My shift ended an hour ago and I've still some freakin' hours to kill before Katie calls me. Ugh, I hate waiting!

Then, out of a sudden, my phone goes off. Who the fuck would call me at this time? Nonetheless I let my hand lazily search for my phone somewhere on the mattress.

Found that fucker!

"Hello?" I speak after taking the call, being even more surprised as the nerdy queer-queen of Blackwell, Steph Gingrich, is on the other end of the line.

[Steph]: _"Hey Chloe, 'sup?"_

"Hi Steph! Not much. Just chillin' 'n' tryin' to not melt away. You?"

[Steph]: _"Same here. Listen, I had a pretty bad fight with my folks and bailed from home. Now I'm here and no one else is around. Well, except you. Wanna hang out together?"_

"Hmm, lucky for you that you know the poorest and most bored girl in town. So, yeah, count me in."

[Steph]: _"Great! I know an awesome place to hang out. Gonna get you at 9. Is that okay?"_

Hmm, Kate always calls me between 7 and 8 pm, so I've a lotta time until Steph picks me up.

"9 is fine with me. I'll be ready!"

[Steph]: _"Awesome! The Gamemaster is very pleased!" (chuckles) _

"Glad to hear. Don't wanna piss off the infamous Gamemaster."

[Steph]: _"You're damn right!" (a short pause) "Um, Chloe…what're you wearing right now?"_

Holy fuck?! That comes unexpected. Is she flirting with me or only wants an image to rub herself one? Not that I mind.

"Just my purple slip, if you wanna know. My room's under the roof, so…"

[Steph]: _"Shit! That must be gettin' really hot up there. It's not that fucked in the dorms, still I'm butt naked."_

Okay, I think it's save to say that I've a thing for girls. So, it doesn't come with a surprise that I feel a tickle in my belly, 'cause – truth be told – Steph is pretty cute. Brunette, nerdy, nice body…I think you get the gist. Nonetheless I need to stay cool and not act like in the need for a good fuck.

"Yeah, would love to do the same, but last time I had a close call with this fuckhead my mom calls boyfriend. Luckily, Mom walked in first and told me to cover my important parts."

[Steph]: _"Mmh, too sad I'm not your mom."_

Shit, is she really hitting on me?

[Steph]: _(chuckles) "Chill, Chloe, it was just a joke! We see us at 9!"_

"Yeah…nine, in front of my house."

[Steph]: _"Bye, Chloe!"_

"Um…yeah. See ya!"

* * *

A few hours later

It's 9 pm sharp and I'm waiting in front of my house, smoking a cig. Since I'm not the most punctual person in the whole, wide world, I don't complain that Steph's not here already. It's still hot as hell and my shorts and tank top are already sticking to my body like duct tape. As I take a glimpse back at the house and think about to get something to drink, I see Corporal Cockblocker eyeballing me through a window, probably expecting me to fuck up again. One middle finger later, he's gone.

And not a minute later, Steph shows up, driving an old VW Beatle. Wait! Since when does Steph have a car?!

"C'mon, Chloe, let's bail!" she calls out, as she stops in front of me and opens the passenger's door. Not wasting a second, I jump in and off we go.

"Nice wheels!" I say, glimpsing at her and receive a smug smile. Steph wears a black top and some pretty short shorts, plus sunglasses and her beanie. Gosh, I've never seen her without that beanie.

"Thanks, Chloe! It's my mom's. When shit hit the fan at home, I…uh…I kinda _borrowed_ it."

"Wow, GTA Gingrich-style!"

"Yeah, kinda." Steph chuckles and I kinda like it. Actually, I never heard or saw Steph chuckle or even laugh before. Yes, she's kind and spreads motivation, but…she always seems so distant and in thought, like she's caught in her own fantasy world.

"So, where are we going?"

"The beach," she answers plainly with a shrug and my breathing stops for a moment. Because unless she hasn't a guitar, wood for a campfire and other shit stuffed in this car that would make this a romantic date, the only thing you can do at the beach is swimming.

"Uh…Steph…?"

"Yeah?"

"Not that I mind to take a dip in the ocean, but if you would've told me earlier, I would've packed my bikini."

"Don't worry, I don't have my swimsuit either," is her nonchalant answer, followed by some kind of a predatory smirk. And the only thing I can do is to gulp hard.

* * *

As we arrive at the beach, the sun is already setting and it looks really awesome!

Steph doesn't waste any time, though. She immediately jumps out of the car, grabs a bag and runs into the sand. Due to vacation time and the late hour, the beach is entirely deserted. When I finally have managed to catch up with Steph, she has already spread a big blanket onto the sand and starts to strip down her clothes.

Granted, I've already seen Steph naked multiple times in the dressing room, but not in such a context and definitely not after I found out that I like girls. So, when she strips off her top – and yes, she doesn't wear a bra – my jaw drops and I obviously stare at her boobs. They're a bit smaller than mine, but her nipples are pointier and…UGH! Stop this shit, Price!

Steph is sexy, yes. But you crush on Kate! And not even this slightly trimmed snatch in front of ya can change that!

"Uh, Chloe?" Steph suddenly says, snipping with her fingers in front of my eyes. "Are you okay?"

It's hard to tell on such a hot summer day, but I think I'm majorly blushing. "Uh…I-I…uh…y-yeah, I'm…uh…"

Steph touches my shoulder softly and I almost jump scare. "Listen, you don't have to do this, if you don't want to."

Okay, so there are lotta possibilities to wiggle myself outta this mess, like menses, shyness, headaches or just that I don't wanna swim right now, but somehow…I want to do it.

I pull my tank top over my head, next my shorts and panties are gone. And yes, I lack a bra as well. Now I'm butt naked in front of Steph. But she just smirks and runs with a cry of joy towards the cool water, I'm following stat.

As my heated body hits the cool water it feels like a relief. Fuck, I should do this more often!

"Prepare to feel the wreath of the infamous Gamemaster!" yells Steph and tackles me into the floods. We both break the surface again and right away I touch Steph's head and push her under water again. In her turn, she grabs my legs and pulls on them, making me lose my balance.

This waterbattle goes on for quite some time until we both pant heavily, gazing at each other with wide, toothy grins. Geez, I can't tell the last time when I had so much fun. Then, Steph closes in, this predatory glare in her eyes again, flings her arm around my neck and plants a soft kiss on my lips.

What happens after that, I can only describe as panic. I don't do anything, neither replying the affection nor freaking out.

"Chloe?" Steph speaks softly, ripping me back to reality. And as soon as I've regained control over my body again, I run. Out of the water, towards our blanket and, surprisingly, not any further. My heart thumps and my body itches. Fuck-dammit, I actually don't know what to do.

Steph has now caught up to me, but this time she keeps her distance instead of touching me.

"Hey Chloe, I'm sorry! It…"

"What for?" I interrupt her before she starts to go on a freakin' guilt trip. The kiss felt good and I'd love to do this again, but I don't know if this is right. Ignoring uncomfortable things has always been something I'm good at, sooo…why shouldn't it work now?

Of course she looks at me dumbfounded. I mean, normally you talk 'bout such things, but not me, not now. Just move on and try not to freak!

"C'mon, Steph, I know another awesome spot around here!"

* * *

As we arrive at the lighthouse, the sun has already entirely vanished behind the horizon and the first stars are blinking on the night's sky. Damn, I really love this place!

"Isn't this awesomesauce?!" I call out as I spread my arms and spin around.

"Yeah, it really is," replies Steph, taking in the whole, fucking scenery. "Let's fetch some wood and get a fire started!"

Said 'n' done! Not fifteen minutes later a nice, cozy fire is burning in the old fireplace and we sit side-by-side on a makeshift bench, consisting of an old trunk and munch on some snacks and soft drinks Steph had packed in her bag.

It's quiet. Only the cracking of the fire and the crushing waves at the bottom of the cliffs can be heard. Seriously, if this would be a date, then this would get a Triple-A from me! But it isn't, isn't it?

"Chloe?" Steph eventually says and I know right away what it'll be about. Well, seems like I can't run away from it forever, can't I?

"Hmm?"

"We need to talk about what happened down at the beach."

As rude as it may sound, but the only thing that comes into my mind when everything gets uncomfortable is to sigh and being an asshole.

"Steph, I get it. We were naked, you crush on girls, got mushy and kissed me. I'm flattered. Nuff said, let's move on!"

Damn, that was fucking rude and I expect to get slapped any second now. However, I feel a lotta heat crawling up my face and turn away. Then there's silence again and I'm actually afraid of what might come next. Which isn't that much, since Steph is the coolest, most awesome and confident person I've ever known.

"So, you really went through some changes, huh?"

Now I'm the one who's awestruck. I don't know if she's done it on purpose, but that change of topic really fucks me over. Nicely played, Gamemaster!

"How so?"

"Oh c'mon, Chloe. I see your sweet butt more in school than ever. You seem to be more relaxed, less edgy. And most of all…" she gazes at me deeply, "…you haven't smoked one little blunt tonight, though the location is perfect."

"Shit," I mutter, though my changes in lifestyle are pretty obvious.

"Care to share?"

At first I hesitate, 'cause I don't actually wanna tell everyone about my crush on a 14-year-old girl. But truth be told, the decision to stop being a fucked-up asshole came earlier than the realization of my feelings. Actually…it's fucking complicated.

"Y'know, Steph," I say, gazing dreamily at the night's sky as I recall those last, crazy months, "when you save someone's life, you start to think about your own. You see everything from a different perspective. And I…I don't know. Maybe I just wanna make the world a better place instead of burning it to cinder. Maybe I just…" Then I look at Steph again and get lost in her blue eyes. "…wanna be a better person and find…" I gulp as our heads move closer together, my last word only a whiff. "…love."

It feels wrong, yet I don't fight it. My heart yells to stop, yet I let my clouded mind take over control. As our lips softly touch, my entire body goes bonkers and before I get the gist, we're already all over each other. The whole world around us ceases to exist as I give in to my urges.

Our tongues meet and right away I realize that Steph is way more experienced than I am. The way she kisses. The way her hands glide over my body. How she nibbles on my skin, making me moan and longing for more.

I try to mimic her. I mean, that's the only way you can improve, right? And soon I'm way ahead of her as my hand gropes one of her tits. It's soft, warm and her pointy nipple literally invites me to suck on it. And that's what I do. I lift her top and get busy on her boobs. At first I've a hint of doubt if this isn't too much, but her sexy moans and her ruffling hands in my hair tell me that I'm on the right path.

At some point of her arousal, Steph takes over again and literally rips the clothes off my body. Yup, I'm butt-naked again on the top of the cliffs, but I've no time to think this further through, 'cause Steph is all over me right away again.

Wait, when did she get rid of her clothes?!

I feel her warm hands on my skin, and I like it. I feel her caressing my tits, and I like it. Soon I feel her touching my pussy…and I love it! Seriously, just the knowledge that it's Steph, who's rubbing my clit, almost drives me insane. And as I return the favor it's like reaching a higher plain of realization. I'm so fucking into girls!

Don't get me wrong, it's not like I'm disgusted by boys, but…I don't know…if a girl's available or as long as both of my hands are still working, the manly world can go and suck its own dicks!

In order to get more comfortable, Steph stops for a moment and spreads out the blanket again. Then she closes in on me once more. Right after she has placed another soft kiss on my lips, Steph whispers into my ear, "Lay down, Chloe, I wanna eat you out!"

Okay, shock-moment! Nobody has EVER licked my snatch before and I must say, I'm so fucking nervous 'bout it. But damn, it's Steph! She's hot as fuck and I need a fucking orgasm! So, pussy-licking it is, BUT…there's one condition!

"Only, if I can get down on yours, too!" I respond with a wry, slightly embarrassed smirk, 'cause now I wanna learn everything from Blackwell's most renounced lezzy! And, hey: fair's fair!

"Mmh…Callamastia wants to dive into my dungeon too, huh?" she coos, which turns me even more on because of this nerdy role-play-touch, yet all I manage is a shy nod, which causes Steph to giggle. "Don't worry, it's pretty intuitive. C'mon, I'll guide you!"

We both lay down, Steph's private parts directly above me. In theory it's simple, yet I feel fucking insecure. "Um…Steph?"

She looks at me over her shoulder, giving me her characteristic Gamemaster-act.

"These are the rules: You've got two fingers and one tongue in your inventory. Use 'em to give as much pleasure as possible!"

Of course I'm literally overwhelmed by this low amount of info, and as Steph dives into me, it doesn't get any better. The pleasure I feel is only describable as amazeballs! The second her tongue flicks over my clit, I moan out loud, clawing my hands into her butt-cheeks. Hey, her butt is great and it's the only thing in sight to hold on to.

And once more, it's mimicking that has to overcome my lack of experience. Okay, Callamastia, let's focus! Using your tongue shouldn't be that hard, so…bon appetit!

At first, it tastes kinda…strange. I mean, if you're a bit curious and do some experiments on yourself, you know how you taste, but another girl…? It tastes different, but I like it and can't stop anymore. Damn, I'm so into pussies!

Then I feel how Steph stuffs a finger into me and…"FUCKING SHIT!" that feels great! Wait, what the…?! Does she…?!

As she slowly sticks in a second finger, it feels more like her entire fist. But she does it very tenderly, gives me time to get used to it, and then it just feels even better.

But there's no time to rest. Callamastia's quest for the Gamemaster's epic climax needs to be continued! My first reluctance about how to get two fingers into Steph dissipates as soon as I realize that she isn't as tight as I am, so…yeah…two fingers it is!

"Oh yes, Chloe! Explore my dungeon!" she moans and I get turned on by this kinky role-play right away. Guess, I'm into this stuff. Let's play along!

"Mmh…get…ugh! Get ready to…to be raided by C-Callamastia!"

In hindsight, I shouldn't have said that, because it turns me on so much that I come right on the spot. And fuck, this orgasm is just outta this world! Blackout, shaking limbs and losing track of time included. The moment I regain consciousness, Steph softly pulls me up into a sitting position, sits down on my thigh and starts to grind, while she flings her arms around my neck and kisses me intensively.

I'm still a bit high from that orgasm, but I try to play along as best as I can by kissing Steph's tits and kneading her butt-cheeks.

"Oh Chloe, I…I'm close…so close! I…I'm coming! I'm coming!"

Her fingernails dig deep into my back and she buries her face in my neck to muffle her screamed moans as the queen of nerds rides out her giant orgasm on my leg. Eventually, we both collapse onto the blanket, covered in sweat and panting heavily.

As Steph lays on me, I can feel her thumping heart on my chest; how her body heaves by every deep inhale. This moment is just amazing. Steph is just amazing. I embrace her body tightly, not wanting to let go of her ever again, though I know that guilt is eating me inside.

I thought my heart belongs to Kate, but now it seems like it belongs to Steph. I feel doubts. My world is upside down. I feel joy and sadness at the same time. I wanna laugh, yet I shed tears. I fucked up again and others will have to pay for it. I just suck!

* * *

Her hand caresses my hair, her other one brushes over my belly. Absently and in deep thoughts, I return the favor by gliding with my digits over her back, while I use my other hand as a pillow for my head. I feel her warm, calm breath against my cheek as she uses my shoulder as a cushion. I have lost track of time, but the constellation of stars and the fact that the fire has become nothing more than some pile of ashes and ember, tells me that it must be fucking late.

"Chloe?" Steph asks unexpectedly, yet I like it to hear her voice and enjoy it that she disturbs the silence.

"Hmm?"

"Are you okay?"

Actually…not exactly. But telling this Steph right at the moment could hurt her badly and I…I like her way too much for that.

"Yeah," I say, gazing at her with an honest smile. "I'm good. You?"

"I feel awesome!" she replies softly, cuddling even closer. Damn, I never would've thought that she can be such a mushball. "So, I guess you liked it, huh?"

So fucking far away from the truth! "Liked it? I freakin' loved it! It's totally my thing!"

"I'm glad to hear that! So…" She pauses for a moment and I literally feel that Steph gets nervous, because her hands become slight sweaty, which makes her strokes less tenderly. Plus, that she gets up a bit to gaze me deeply in the eyes, underlining that she means business. "I know it's probably a bit bold and…I guess it was your first time with a girl, but…um…wanna get exclusive?"

And BAMM! Right in the guts! Kissing: no big thing. Sex: I feel kinda shitty that I did this, but it was great and, practically, I and Kate are not together yet. Feelings: mostly fucked up. I crush on Kate and now I crush on Steph as well. But, so far, everything's manageable…until now. Shitfuckingkissmybumandfuckmesideways! What should I do now? Yes or no…or maybe? FUCK!

"So, I guess it's no, then."

Her words rip me out of my inner struggle and I see the hurt in Steph's eyes. She wants to get up, probably just wants to be alone right now. Can't blame her for that. But then I make a spontaneous decision. If it's the right one? I don't know and I don't care right now. I softly cup her cheek and close in for a long, awesome kiss, in which I put all my passion. I only break it to whiff a "Yes!" and then continue.

* * *

We sit in Steph's car right in front of my home, lips locked and hands all over our bodies. Shit, I don't want her to go!

"Mmh…Steph, wanna…wanna go inside?" I manage to say as I catch some air. She stops and gives me her full, yet stern attention.

"I don't know. Maybe we should take it slow, Chloe."

"_Slow_?!" I scoff jokingly, "Steph, a few hours ago we humped each others brains out. I don't know 'bout you, but I don't think that this counts as slow."

With a loud sigh, Steph backs away entirely and gazes out of the driver's window. I hear her sniff and see how she wipes with the back of her hand over her cheeks. Damn, she's crying! Did I hurt her again?

"Steph?"

"You wanna know why I ran away from home?" she asks with a weak voice. It's a rhetorical question, so I just keep my pie-hole shut, listen and pet her back. "My parents. I always thought that they're the coolest folks on earth. They always supported me in everything. That's why I'm so open, even with my sexuality. But yesterday…yesterday I told them that I'm queer and they…I don't know why, but they freaked. Told me that it's just a phase. Some adolescent crap. Well, I freaked, too and ran away."

"Maybe they were just…overwhelmed."

"_Overwhelmed_?!" she shoots back, gazing angrily at me. "Chloe, if someone acts like this in such a situation, it just shows the truth. Like when you paused as I asked you to make us exclusive."

Ouch, Steph really knows how to kick balls! I mutter my all-time favorite "Shit!" and slump back into the seat. Guess it's time to be fair and tell her the truth. "Alright," I sigh, feeling all tense and nervous. "You're right, I paused. I fucking paused, 'cause I've doubts. Loads of doubts."

"Why? I-I know that it was kinda spontaneous, but…"

"It's…It's not that. Steph, I dig ya, okay. I really do, but…well, I'm also crushing on someone else."

At first I thought that Steph might go all ballistic on me, but instead, her demeanor softens. "Who?"

"Her name's Kate. The girl I saved." I sigh deeply and a bit melancholy emerges from within as a picture of Kate appears in my mind. "She's so cute and nice. I'm totally into her, but sadly…sadly I don't even know how she rolls."

"Does she know about your feelings?"

"No…at least, not yet." I exhale deeply once more and look directly into Steph's blue eyes. I think an apology's in order. "Listen Steph, I never wanted to fuck you over. When I answered your question with _yes_, I meant it. I like you, I really do. All those D 'n' D games. All those movie nights. Damn, I'd lie if I'd say that you're just a friend. You're…_more_ to me. Yet, I feel so many doubts. I…I just…I fucking don't know what to do!"

And that's the point I'm losing it again. I cry. And with cry I mean another meltdown.

"Hey," Steph soothes, taking me into a comforting hug. "It's okay!"

"It's…it's not okay, Steph!" I whimper back, wiggling myself out of Steph's embrace. "I should've told you…told you before we did it!"

"Chloe," she now says, sight fixed on the steering wheel, "it's not your fault, okay! I made a move on and kinda cornered you as I wanted to make us exclusive. I'm sorry!"

Did Steph just apologize for asking me out? Most people, including me, would just be pissed or at least disappointed by now, but Steph? Steph simply takes the moral high ground and that's what I love about her. She's in entire peace with herself, even accepts her faults and tries to work on 'em. Maybe she and Kate are kinda alike? That would at least explain why I'm so into her.

"Y'know, Chloe, let's make a deal!" she suddenly suggests, beaming at me. What does she have on her mind? Truth be told, I'm not a fan of deals, because they're always resulting in that one side draws the short straw.

"What kinda deal?"

"Okay, listen! Let's just agree to be girlfriends on trial."

Girlfriends on whaaathefuck?! Frowning-time!

"_Girlfriend's on trial_?! What's that?"

"Well, simply spoken, we two are sorta girlfriends. This means we go out on dates, have sex, get mushy around each other and so on. Except that we don't make it official to others and are free to date other people. This would give you the possibility to find out about your feelings towards Kate. And if it doesn't work out between us, then there will be no hard feelings."

Have I already told you that Steph is a genius? Geez, she's so cute and smart that I wanna kiss her…which I actually do right away.

"Well, I guess you're my first girlfriend, then." I say after another round of swirling tongues. "So, wanna go inside now?"

"Yeah," she replies with smile, adding "Let's go, girlfriend!"

* * *

If you live under a roof, where a whacko like David resides from time to time, you quickly learn how to sneak inside. Yet, it's so much harder when you do it with another person.

"Okay, since Sergeant Shitfuck has something to say here, my mom always locks the garage. So, we need to climb onto the roof and towards my window up there, got it?" I whisper as we stand in the driveway of my house and earn a frown by Steph as she looks at the window.

"Uh, Chloe, can't we just sneak in through the front door?"

"Dude, you don't know David. This guy has some sort of a _fuck-up-radar_. He literally sniffs it a mile against the wind when I fucked up and always gives me his shit about responsibility 'n' stuff. Plus, I just don't wanna see him go all ballistic on you."

"Still," Steph replies after a few seconds. "Chloe, I'm pretty busted. The fight with my parents, the drive back here and then everything we did tonight. Don't think that I'm afraid of doing some stunts, but it's just too much right now."

If Steph would be Max, I would've called her a chicken and dared her to move that pretty ass onto that roof. But she's not Max and I care about her a lot! Therefore, I nod and give her a soft "Okay!" followed by a peck on her lips.

Quietly, we make our way to the front door. Of course, it's locked. Dammit!

Cautiously, I pull out my keys and put them into the lock, millimeter by millimeter. Then, I spin the key until I hit the point where it unlocks. Gathering every bit of concentration, I manage to open the door with only a silent click.

By grapping Steph's hand, we both move inside. Closing the door goes down smoothly as well. The house stays quiet; no one woke up so far. Feeling the victory within my grasp, me and Steph are sneaking up the stairs and into my room, only to get scared the shit out of us.

"Where have you been?" David, who sits on MY bed, says, jumps up and, as predicted, shoots in on Steph. "And who's that?"

"A friend! The rest is none of your business. Now, get the fuck out of my room, asshole!" I yell back, not giving a fuck that our neighbors might hear us. The situation is heated and about to escalate, but brave Steph Gingrich steps between us, trying to all diplomatic.

"My name's Stephanie Gingrich, sir. I'm Chloe's classmate and just need a place to stay for the night. Sorry that it's so spontaneous."

Y'know, for a glimpse of a moment I really hoped that this would calm down Lieutenant Limpdick, but, as predicted as well, he just keeps on being a giant asshole.

"I don't care who you are! To me, you're a stranger, probably not even a student at Blackwell. Just another loser who drags Chloe down. Now…get out of my house!"

Then, something happens that pushes me over the edge. David grabs Steph violently on her arm and tries to throw her out.

Me, on the other hand, I freak entirely. "Take your fucking hands off my girl, motherfucker!" I break the contact between Steph and David by swatting his arm away and connecting my fist with his jaw.

Ouch, that fucking hurt! But probably David more than me, since he stumbles and drops to the ground, hitting my chair with his head.

"What the hell is goin' on here?!"

Of course my mom arrives when the show's already over and Major Moustache can play his pity-card. Right away, he gets up again and starts his rant. Gosh, how much I hate this shithead!

"Your daughter is out of control! She just hit me and that's unacceptable!"

Of course I wanna defend myself by yelling every bit of anger at him, but once again it's brave Steph who saves the day…or night. Gosh, I think I'm falling in love with her.

"He started it by assaulting me! Chloe just stepped in and fended him off!"

And of course, Dickwad-David denies everything…as always, ugh! And I already expect things to go south.

"That's not true! This girl is…"

"DAVID!" now Mom intervenes and I'm totally shocked! It's been a long time, since Joyce took my side. "I suggest that you spend the rest of the night in your apartment, because I have no reason to not believe this girl's story!"

"But…" he tries to start an argument, but goes quiet as soon as my mom crosses her arms, which means in _waitress-language_, 'Argument's over, now fuck off!'

"My daughter is NOT a violent thug! Now stop lamenting and just leave! We talk about this in the morning."

Damn, and there I hoped that Mom would finally shit-can this dick, but again she gives him a chance and, I predict once more, she will forgive him. But, right now, I can't care less, since me and Steph can stay together for the night.

Dipshit David exits the house with a loudly slammed door and I really can't suppress a faint smirk. Team Chloe for the win!

"And now to you, missy!" Joyce keeps on ranting, but this time on me. Ugh, I just can't catch a fucking break. "I know it's summer-vacation, but that's not a green-card for you to stay away all night! And you…" Now it's Steph turn. Please, don't be a bitch, mom! "I'm sorry about David. He doesn't mean it."

Okay, remember how I told ya that Steph is all diplomatic and shit? Well, seems like she can get bitchy, too.

"Sorry to say this, Mrs. Price, but David hurt me deliberately. That's not excusable!"

"I know," Mom says with a sigh. She clearly feels ashamed and I'm so sorry that she has to put up with this shit. This time, it's me who needs to be all diplomatic.

"Not your fault, Mom!" I say, flinging my arms around her for a comforting hug. Geez, I get way too less mother-daughter time. Next, I go over to Steph, place a soft kiss on her lips and embrace her tightly. "Sorry 'bout this shit!"

True, I broke the rule of not making our relationship official, but it's just my mom and she needs to know which side her daughter is on now. And, as expected, she doesn't even mind, even reaches Steph her hand.

"Sorry that I hadn't had the chance to introduce myself. I'm Joyce!"

"Stephanie Gingrich!" replies Steph with a friendly smile, now shaking my mom's hand. "But you can call me Steph. I'm Chloe's classmate and – as you might know by now – girlfriend."

Since Mom knows about my troubles with Kate, she of course gives me a frown, which vanishes right away again. I bet, she's just glad that I found someone else than a 14 years old Catholic schoolgirl.

"I'm pleased to meet you! Now, I don't wanna disturb you any longer. We can still get to know each other in the morning. Good night, girls!"

As soon as Mom has vanished in her bedroom again, I close my door and turn towards Steph, who now gives me a frown as well.

"So much for keeping our relationship a secret, huh?"

"It's just my mom," I reply easygoing. "She knows that I have an interest in girls and is cool with it. So…wanna hit the sack?"

"Yeah," Steph answers and lets out a big yawn. "Hope you don't mind that I'll shower in the morning."

Call me a perv, but I kinda love Steph's salty/sweaty odor. "Nope, no problem there."

"Cool!" she simply replies, strips down all her clothes and slumps down on my bed, petting the empty space right beside her as a sign for me to lay down there.

It's still very hot in my room and Steph wants to sleep naked, so I won't be a dork by putting on some shorts and just skip all of my clothes as well. As soon as my body lays on the mattress, Steph flings an arm around me and cuddles herself pretty close, exhaling deeply.

"G'night, Chlo!" she says drowsily and gives me a peck on my cheek. But somehow I don't feel sleepy anymore. More like a horny squirrel on drugs, because damn! I'm so into Steph and she's naked and my girlfriend and I wanna do it with her again. And somehow, Steph has noticed this. "Still horny?"

I can literally sense this smug smile of hers and blush intensively. "Um…yeah…kinda. Sorry! I'll manage, just…holy fuck!"

I expected a lot, but not her hand between my legs, doing it's awesome work. Since we're in my house and Mom sleeps only across the floor, I have to keep my voice down, by grabbing my pillow and digging my face into it. And after I've received my second big orgasm of this night, I fall asleep right away. Thanks, Steph, you're so awesomesauce!

* * *

September 2010…

Time flew by like nothing. Especially, since I had been pretty busy with work, having Steph as a girlfriend, staying in contact with Kate and – the most fucked one – keeping sane.

My doubts haven't changed at all. Whenever I was alone, I cried, still not knowing what to do. Right now, I love Steph like crazy, yet I also crush on Kate and miss her so much. It's a miracle that Steph hasn't ran away already and still keeps up with my emotional bullshit.

Today, the new school year starts and – oh wonder – my schedule is pretty fucked, and fun starts right on Monday morning: PE and swimming.

Okay, I love swimming, even considered to join the Otters, but PE…meh, not my case. Upside: I have some of my classes with _unofficial _girlfriend, Steph. So…yup, some promising perspectives in the morning.

Oh yeah, and there's another major bullshit going on at Blackhell! Major Pain-in-the-butt got hired as a security guard at MY school! MY. FUCKING. SCHOOL! Ugh, it's not like school already sucked like insane, no. Now I even have to deal with this motherfucker all day long. This psycho already ranted during dinner that he wants to change a lotta things. And I'm talking here about _1984-_sorta things. On the positive side, he still doesn't live with us, so that, because of his shifts, he now mostly stays at his apartment.

My alarm goes off at around eight. I stand up, skip the shower due to the sports in the morning, inhale my breakfast, grab my skateboard and off I go towards my personal hell.

* * *

"Hello, Blackhell!" I mutter as I stop my board right in front of the stairs that lead definitely not into heaven. After strapping the wheeled piece of wood onto my backpack, I shoulder it and make my way towards the picnic tables, where I already spot my sexy gal, playing D 'n' D with Mikey North, her best and also extremely nerdy friend. He's pretty cool and I like him like a little brother, in contrary to his big one, who's an asshat jock.

"Heya, guys! 'sup?" I great them, and while Mikey gives me a friendly, "Hi, Chloe!", Steph just gazes dreamily at me, saying a soft "Hi!"

Immediately, our little, Afro-American friend lets his gaze wander between as, arching one eyebrow. "Is there something I should know?" he says and right away, Steph clears her throat and focuses on the game again.

"Uh, Elamon…you're up!"

"Worst attempt to change the topic, ever!" Mikey mumbles and gets back to the game as well. Yet, he gives me and Steph some sheepish glimpses from time to time. He so knows it!

Today I skip joining the game and just observe them. It's hard not to hold hands or even kiss my girlfriend, but we have a deal and I'm gonna hold my end of the bargain.

Soon, it's time for me and Steph to head towards the pool building. There, our PE teacher, Mrs. Hayes, opens the front door and a bunch of students enter the changing rooms.

"Can't wait to see you naked!" Steph whispers seductively into my ear and I blush. Damn, she's such a tease! I literally feel her gaze in my back as I reach my locker and start to undress. First, my shirt and bra, then my jeans, socks and panties. And then, I hear a snicker close by, followed by Victoria's snobby voice.

"Ugh, Price, have ever heard about shaving? Even you, in your eff-ed up punk-zone must've gotten the gist that there's something like hygiene."

And here we go again! Of course, her friends/minions start to chuckle as well. Blech, I haven't missed this bitch and her crew of mindless slaves the entire vacation. Even gazing into her bitchy face makes my anger-level skyrocket in an instant. But…I'll keep my cool! She's butt-naked like I am and since – thanks to Steph – I have no problems to look at a pussy and not be ashamed of it, I take the chance to shoot back!

"Well, a curtain to hide such an ugly snatch as yours would help the entire mankind!"

Ouch! Questioning this bitch's beauty hits her really hard. So hard that her face turns red out of anger, but she's not done.

"Gingrich!" she suddenly addresses my girl, "As the school's well-known lesbian, would you eat such a disgusting mess down there? And don't be shy, everyone knows your business!"

Well, she doesn't know it yet, but Victoria just signed her own downfall by asking my friend/girlfriend, who simply smirks at me while I roll with my eyes.

"Well…actually, yes! Because a bush doesn't say anything." Steph, who's already wearing her swimsuit, closes in and scans me from head to toe. "Chloe is very beautiful how she is. Everything is right, but you…" she then walks over to Victoria, circling her while taking a look at her body. "Skinny legs, duck-butt and…ugh, a pussy like a 12-year-old. Victoria," now Steph gets stern and I hear that she means business. Normally, she doesn't want to get involved in other peoples stuff, but for me, she broke that rule today. Damn, I love her! "You are no match to Chloe! No matter what you do. No matter how much you shave yourself. You'll never reach her class. You'll always hide behind make-up, overly expensive clothes and your shaved snatch! And that's just pathetic!"

Okay, reality-check! Did Steph just go all bitchy on Victoria and told this cunt that I'm better than her?! She actually broke one of her major rules and swiped the floor with Icky-Vicky's ass. For once, I hadn't had to fight on my own and that shows me how much Steph cares about me. She then turns to me and I see something different in her eyes. A side that I've never seen of her before. But what is it?

Swiftly, Steph just walks past the stunned audience, towards the pool. And because the show's over, everyone else minds its own business again. Well, besides me and Victoria, who seems to be pretty much fucked over by this big chunk of reality Steph had thrown at her.

Me, on the other hand…I just sigh and shake my head, trying to cope that I was just in a fight about something stupid like pubic hair. First day in school and I already wanna run away again. Let's hope that I'll make through the year without going bonkers.

After slipping into my awesome cobalt-blue swimsuit, I make my way to the pool and try to find Steph. Some students are already swimming some lanes to warm up, but none of them is Steph. Where the fuck is she?

Maybe she's taking a piss or something, so I head back. The rest of the PE class passes me, but I don't give a fuck, if I'm too late.

"Steph?" I call along the row of toilet stalls and I don't get a real answer, but the slight creaking of a door. As I reach the stall, I see Steph, sitting on the toilet and embracing her legs. "Hey, what's wrong?" I ask, though the case seems pretty clear. Or is it? Damn, I've never seen her so fragile.

Out if a sudden, Steph jumps up, embraces me tightly and crashes her lips onto mine for a very long, passionate kiss, followed by four magical words.

"I love you, Chloe!"

At first, it catches me off-guard, but eventually, I respond what I was thinking for the entire last week. Steph is awesome and I'm actually happy that she had made a move on me. Everything is complicated right now, yet I'm aware of my feelings.

"I love you too, Steph!"

We kiss again and then just hug once more. It feels so good having off my chest and, caught in the moment, I make a final decision. A decision that will change everything. I back away a step, but still remain contact, ready to drop the bomb.

"Steph, I-I wanna make us legit!"

And as her eyes well up with tears of joy and a warm smile appears on her face, I know that we're official girlfriends now. No more hiding. No more holding back. No rumors.

I feel happy, yet also sad when thinking about Kate, but I think this is the best way. Don't get me wrong, I still love Katie and no matter what, I'll still be her best friend and will meet her every Saturday for tea and will still have sleepovers with her. And who knows, maybe now everything will turn out okay.

* * *

As the bell chimes and signs the end of this school day, I feel kinda relieved. As always, school sucked, except science with Miss Grant. After packing my stuff and throwing some very unwanted books into my locker, I head towards the drama lab, Steph's second home at Blackwell. As I arrive there, she's giving the drama-kids a final speech. Not only that she's an awesome stage-manager, Steph also really has a hang of making the whole show look awesome. Costumes, background, the whole setup…she just rocks it. I already picture her as an amazing director in Hollywood.

"Ah, Chloe!" Steph says cheerfully, after she has finished the speech and walks over to me for a mushy hug and soft kiss. Yup, we're official now and don't need to hold back any longer. I hear a few exchanged whispers between the other students, but I simply don't give a shit about their opinions.

With a sheepish smile on her lips, Steph intertwines our fingers and leads me inside the classroom and straight towards her drama teacher. What the…?!

"Mr. Keaton," she says to the white-haired, kinda weird looking guy, "this is Chloe Price. The replacement we were talking about."

Wait! Replace-whaaat?!

"Thank the gods! Heaven has sent you, my dear!" Okay, this guy really has some lose screws! "Our most promising thespian has left us and now we're in dire need of someone, who can fill this vast gap she has ripped in our humble group of budding actors."

"Uh…" is the first thing that comes into my mind, and I bet my dumbfounded expression does the rest. In _dire need _for help, I turn towards Steph. "What did he say about lesbians? I-I mean, I am one…you're the proof, but…"

"Not _lesbian_…thespian!" chuckles Steph, giving me a soft nudge. "It's Greek for actress. Do you remember Rachel Amber?"

"Yeah, we…um…we had some classes together and exchanged a few words from time to time, but that's it. Didn't you have a crush on her?"

Based on Steph's reaction, the topic _Rachel Amber_ seems to be a sore spot, since she acts kinda embarrassed. "Sorta. But that's a different story. The thing is, Rachel dominated and dragged last year's _The Tempest_, so that we already casted her for this year's _Romeo and Juliet_. But…"

"Only an hour ago we received the sad message from our Principal that Miss Amber has abandoned our refuge of wisdom permanently and is leaving us poor souls with the shattered pieces of our future play. A tragedy, worth to be written by the almighty grandmaster Shakespeare himself!"

Okay, now I got it official. This guy is a total whacko! And I already suggest where this is going. "So, lemme guess, you guys are looking for a replacement. Forget it; I'm not stage-material."

"Chloe, I know you for quite some time now. You fit the role perfectly!"

And here I thought Steph had figured me out. Well, guess not.

"Steph, me and playing Juliet? That's so not fitting! What about some of the other bi-…uh, girls in your group?"

"I didn't mean Juliet. We already replaced that role with Victoria, but we need a proper Romeo. Here, look!" Steph takes my hand again and guides me to a whiteboard with a lot of names written on it, a whole bunch of 'em already scratched. "Most of our male cast left the drama group, because they were only here to make a move on Rachel."

"Oh bittersweet adolescence, why do you hate me so much?!" throws Mr. Keaton in. Damn, this guy is so bonkers!

"Steph," I say with a sigh, "I get it that you're in need for a Romeo, but last time we both looked, I was still a girl. And the hell I will play together with Icky-Vicky!"

"Chloe," Steph responds softly with a kiss, "pretty please! A female Romeo is no problem in general, but you're the only one, who fits the role like I imagine it."

For quite some time we gaze deeply at each other and as get lost in her eyes, I know that there's no escape. And I seal my fate with a sighed "Fine!"

Immediately, Steph jumps at me and sticks her tongue into my mouth. Okay, I think I just earned many additionally rounds of awesome sex with my hot as fuck girlfriend!

"Splendid!" suddenly Mr. Keaton cheers, clapping into his hands like a freakin' girlie who got a doll from her parents. "This love! This passion!" Both, me and Steph are now looking at him. "My dear Stephanie, I want to see you in the role of Juliet."

"What?!" she gasps in return and breaks the contact. Holy shit, she's really nervous right now. I bet, she never expected this shit to backfire at her. "M-Mr. Keaton, I-I'm the one behind the scenes, not an actor!"

"My dear young thespians, I'll give you both some extra credit points and a personal recommendation for college, if you help us out in an hour of dire need and desperation!"

Extra credit points? Recommendation for college? Damn, maybe this guy's crazy, but he knows how to bargain! Extra credit points means less annoying minor classes and therefor more time with Steph. But is it worth it?

"Well, at least we'll die together in shame," I eventually say with a shrug and I see how Steph's nervousness abates a bit. She knows, without her, I won't do it.

"Chloe," my awesome brunette eventually speaks, "I'll only do it, if you're full into this. This means, I'll also need some help to manage the whole show! We do this as a team, no backing out!"

I lean in for another kiss and seal the deal. Dammit, what the freakin' hell did I get myself talked into again?

* * *

Right after Mr. Keaton had left, Steph had dragged me into the dressing room and kissed the fuck outta me. Guess, sacrificing your dignity not only gives you extra points in school, but also for the sack! Because, right now, I'm heading home to get some stuff for tomorrow and to call Katie, and then I'll head back to Blackwell and gonna spend the entire night in Steph's room. Movie night and awesome sex for the win, motherfuckers!

But my euphoria takes a dump, as I see the Marsh's family wagon in the driveway of my home. What the fuck?! Did something happen to Katie? Fuckfuckfuck!

In a fast pace I bridge the last bit of distance to my home. Trying to act normal and not like I'm about freak, I enter the house. In the kitchen, Mom and Richard are already chatting and welcoming humble-me with a soft smile.

"Hello Chloe!" greets me Kate's dad, reaching me his hand for a handshake.

"Heya Mr. M! 'sup?"

"Why don't you go upstairs and see for yourself?" throws Mom in, giving me a warm smile and, immediately I turn around and rush towards my room.

As soon as I spot Katie, my heart skips a beat and I take her into a tight embrace. We haven't seen each other for three months now. A long time in which you quickly can get used to the absence of a person and strong feelings are getting weaker. But now that we're together again, I feel them flooding back. I literally feel how my affection for this little cutie rises more and more, until it hurts.

Right now I'm becoming aware of my bad conscious and doubts. They're hitting me so hard that I wanna cry, but I'm holding it back. No need to pull the drama card, yet. Still, sooner or later I have to confess my relationship with Steph. Kate is very tolerant, so I hope that everything will turn out fine.

"What're ya doin' here, Katie? I thought we see us on Saturday?"

She backs away a bit. Her eyes are red and her cheeks drenched with tears of joy. I can feel her nervousness; can see how she fumbles with her fingers. Her voice is trembling and very quiet.

"I-I wanted to see you again and…uh…I-I need to…to talk about something with you."

"Okay, shoot!" I reply and what follows catches me so off-guard that I freeze on the spot. Kate leans in and gives me a soft kiss on my lips. Not on my cheek, but on my lips! Damnfuckingshit, I expected a lot, but not this! The kiss I longed for a long time. The kiss I wished for, so much, yet I wish that it would never have happened.

Kate breaks the contact and gazes at me insecurely. I see how she reacts to my expression; my shivering lips, the shock in my eyes. Immediately, she turns away in shame, sniffing as disappointment lets her shed tears.

"I-I'm so sorry! I-I thought you…you were…you feel the same."

Truth hurts. It grabs your heart and agonizingly squeezes it until it breaks into a thousand pieces.

"I am," I reply with all my strength, yet I sound brittle and weak. "But I…Katie, I can't."

"WHY?" she yells at me furiously. She's hurt, doesn't understand. "Is it because of my age? Because I'm a Christian? Because I'm ugly?"

"No," I whisper, shaking my head. In the right moment, truth can comfort you. But now is not the right moment. "You're beautiful, Katie!" I wanna touch her, yet my body refuses to raise my arm. "I love you, but I…I…" Truth hurts. "I met someone."

I see her kind heart breaking and it hurts me even more. She doesn't say a word anymore. Kate is young, unexperienced with such fucked-up shit. She simply can't handle it. Isn't able to ask anything else or to make a rational decision. Neither do I.

She runs past me, out of my room. I hear her sobbing; how her dad tries to talk with her. Of course she can't tell him the truth, it would hurt her parents. She doesn't want to hurt them, so she has to keep it for herself, forever and ever.

What have I done! Poor, little Katie! I hear how she leaves with her dad, but I stay in place. Everything is just a big blur. Mom wants to know what happened, but I don't want to tell. I yell at her. Throw her out of my room. I don't give a fuck that I might've hurt her. Pain comes and goes, she's old enough and been through worse with me.

I don't know how long I've cried, but eventually, my phone rips me out of my trance of shit. It's Steph. She's worried; asks where I am. I just answer with a few words. Tell her that I'm an asshole and failure. Then, I throw my phone away.

I see the picture of me, Dad and Max beside my bed and wish me back to a time, where things had been simple. Dad is gone. Max is gone. Those good times are gone. Everything that remains is deep sorrow and pain.

I can't take it anymore. I wanna run away again…forever! I only hurt people, so maybe they're better off without me.

A bottle of sleeping pills and a bottle of booze from my stash find their way, first into my hand and then the content into my mouth. I feel sleepy and I welcome it. My phone chimes again, but I don't give a fuck. Show's over, Steph!

Everything goes dark. I hear someone calling my name, probably death, who finally gets his bony fingers around my neck and I welcome it!


	2. Life is Confusing

**Chapter 2: Life is…Confusing**

I hear my name. Someone is shouting it, repeatedly. It's confusing. Everything is confusing. Though my eyes are closed, I feel the world is spinning around me. Up is down, left is right. I feel myself spilling my guts out before I fall back into a black hole.

I hurt Katie. I hurt Steph. I hurt Mom. I disappointed Dad. Fuck, let's hope I don't meet him on the other side or else I have to live…or be death in eternity with shame. Was it a mistake to pull the plug? What will Max think of me…if she even cares?

Fuckdammit, I'm so sorry! I fucked up again! I was selfish. I don't wanna die!

A mixture of noises starts to surround me, getting louder and louder with every second. Almost deafening. I wanna scream! I wanna run away! I wanna jump up! And this is what I do.

* * *

Gasping loudly, I wake up with a start, only to slump back onto the pillow. Everything is still a blur and out of order. Yet, slowly, everything shapes together. And…yup, I'm in a hospital room…again.

Fuck, I should make a subscription here, maybe they'll gimme some bonus for the third time stay or so.

"Chloe," someone calls and I recognize that voice right away. Steph! And I don't even have to look at her to know that I'm into deep-shit trouble, which is confirmed right away as she starts to yell at me while using my arm as a punching bag. "YOU STUPID, MOTHERFUCKING BITCH! You…you selfish asshole!"

With every shouted word, her voice and hits are getting weaker, until she buries her face in my chest and cries, while embracing me tightly.

I don't know what hurts more, my arm, my ears or my heart. But I think it's my heart. Damn, I feel so guilty and ashamed. Trying to comfort my girl, I fling my arms around her, but instead of enjoying it, Steph backs away.

"Why?" she asks and brings some more distance between us. "Why the fuck did you do this?! Why?!" I look away, shedding some tears myself. "Am I such a shitty girlfriend?"

I shake my head. Oh Steph, I'm so sorry!

"Have I EVER given you the feeling of not being loved or being badly treated, huh?!"

"No," I whimper and feel even worse. I hurt her so badly and expect her to leave in merely a second, but instead…Steph hugs me again, this time even tighter than before and this moment I'm allowed to return the affection.

"I love you, you stupid ass! Please don't ever do this again!"

Her words warm my heart and I feel embarrassed once again. Ugh, I've been so stupid! Instead of trying to ghost myself, I should've talked to Steph. Should've told her what happened.

"I'm so sorry!" I whisper into my awesome girlfriend's ear, pressing her even closer and hope she will forgive me my stupidity.

* * *

A few days later…

As it turned out, trying to kill yourself is rewarded with a stay in the loony bin. Yay!

Okay, cards on the table: it sucks hard! Psychotherapy, group-talks, restricted visits and drugs. The crazy people are at least funny in their way, but the doctors and nurses…? Fuck, it seems like having a stick up your ass is part of the job description. Don't do this, don't do that…UGH! And on top of that: you're always treated like a fucking psycho!

But besides of that, I'm doing okay. Steph visits me every day, telling those asshats that she's my sister, 'cause only relatives are allowed to come here regularly. Mom isn't mad yet disappointed in me. Colonel Cocksucker is still Colonel Cocksucker. And Kate…well, I haven't heard of Katie since she ran away from me. It kinda sucks, but she probably doesn't even know what I did or if she knows, then I'm a freakin' sinner anyway. I think it's safe to say that I'll see her never again and that kinda breaks my heart.

But I need to think positive! Steph still loves me and that's what counts! Sadly, she can't come by so soon today, because she has a lotta homework to do. But it's okay, y'know. She has her own life and I accept that. Plus, that I'm not that needy…aaaand we aren't allowed to fuck in here anyway…sadly…again. Ugh, life is full of disappointments.

In order to keep myself busy, Mom bought an old Laptop for me. It's not the fastest, but it does its job. I'm more into listening to music and watching films than playing triple-A videogames, anyway.

I had just finished watching a random action-flick as it suddenly knocks on the door. My first suggestion who it might be is Steph, the second, my mom and the third, Kate. But fate's a sneaky bitch, so it entirely fucks me over as the door opens and a brunette gal with chin-long hair, blue doe-eyes and freckles all over her cute face stands on the step, gazing at me with a shy demeanor.

"M-Max?!" I gasp quietly as my jaw drops and my eyes are starting to leak. Max, however, doesn't say anything and the reason gets obvious as her lips start to tremble and first tears are rolling down her face. Immediately, she runs towards me and literally collapses on my chest as she whimpers my name.

We both are crying. We both are hugging the shit out of each other. We both are happy. We both are sad.

Then I see Steph, standing in the door frame, wiping away a mushy tear and I know one thing…

Life just got even more complicated.

* * *

I don't know what to feel, everything is just confusing again. For over half an hour I'm holding Max in my arms, never wanna let go of her again, yet I feel the need to rage on her for the radio silence. Ugh, everything's just a big pile of messed up shit! But I need to know! I need to know why she bailed on me.

"Why did you go silent on me?"

The question hovers in the room, increasing the air pressure and turning everything mute. I realize how Max as well as Steph tense up. But while my girl simply remains in her seat beside the bed, Max lifts herself up and looks at me with a pair of sad doe-eyes.

"I'm so sorry, Chloe!" she starts, her voice shivering a bit. "I-I wanted to answer, but…it hurt. It hurt me so much."

Her watery gaze slumps and her hand starts to shake as well. Fuck, whatever's going on in Maxi's head, it's some heavy shit. I literally feel how she suffers and give her some comforting brushes over her back.

"I never wanted to leave you, Chlo! I never wanted to leave you alone with your grief. The day we left, I cried the whole time. The only memory of you that was imprinted into my mind was the moment Joyce told you that William would never come back. I went through therapy and they told me to leave you behind. Told me that I should break contact, because it wasn't good for me. And I…I…" She sniffles and wipes away some droplets with the back of her hand. Fucking shrinks! "…I did it. But I felt worse and then, your mom called and told me what happened and I…I…Oh Chloe, I missed you so much!"

"I agreed to get Max here, 'cause Joyce and I knew how much she meant to you," Steph adds and I'm truly touched.

A bit more passionate than I planned, I grab my girlfriend by the collar of her shirt and pull her close for a long kiss. And while she giggles and blushes, I whisper a heartily "Thank you!" followed by a "I love you!"

Yup, lately I use the L-word excessively and…well, I truly mean it. I'm in love with Steph Gingrich!

Of course, Maxi looks at this whole mushy stuff dumbfounded, 'cause she never saw this uber-goopy side of me before. Or is just surprised that I kissed a girl…and liked it! Well, I guess it's time to explain one or two things.

"Well…um…" I start and scratch the back of my neck. Damn, it's hard to come out of the closet to your closest friend. A friend who you spent your entire childhood with. But Steph, my female knight in shining armor, saves my butt again.

"She already knows about us, Chloe! The drive from Seattle to Arcadia is actually pretty long, y'know."

"Oh," I plainly say, looking at Max again, who starts to blush a bit.

"I-I'm fine with it," she mentions with a slight shrug, like it's the most normal thing in the world. "I-I mean…"

My awesome, yet shy Max doesn't have the chance to finish her sentence as one if those stuck-up nurses barges in and tells us that all visitors have to leave for the day. UGH!

But sadly, if you don't play by their rules, you're pretty fucked. And with fucked, I mean a thick-syringe-with-sedative-up-your-ass fucked. Therefore, I give Max a big hug and Steph a big smooch and say my goodbyes to them.

* * *

Another bunch of days later…

Okay, _Price_-question...sorry for the bad pun! What are people doing when they're stuck in a madhouse and get horny? I mean, surveillance everywhere – even on the toilets and showers – twenty-four-seven. Nurses patrolling the halls and rooms, every thirty minutes. And, of course, screaming lunatics right down the hall.

Everything of this doesn't really help getting in the mood, until…you got an awesome girlfriend!

"You ready?" asks me Steph, sitting on the edge of my bed and her D 'n' D game board on the table of my rolling nightstand, which is hovering over the mid-section of my body.

I'm nervous, yet also giddy. And as I nod and Steph starts the game, I feel adrenaline flooding my with a blanket covered body.

"You're an adventurer on the search for the mysterious city of _Org'gasm_. A city of peace and unimaginable pleasure. Searched by many, but only found by a handful few.

Destiny had been on your side as you found the long-forgotten map of Gingrich in the Academy of the Black Well. A map, which shows those who are worthy the way to the holy city.

Ahead of you, lay the plains of_ Forep'lay_ and the valley of_ Ple'Asure_. Both need to be passed by you, but which way do you choose?"

"_The-High_!" I say, already feeling the palms of my hands getting sweaty as fucked, 'cause this turns me so much on!

"Alright, your choice!" replies Steph and continues. "You chose the path of _the-highs_. A wise choice! The way is smooth and…"

Oh yeah, I should mention that her hand is under the blanket and on its way to where the fun is. And as her awesomely soft fingers touch my amazingly soft thigh, I let out a shaky breath, trying to suppress any lewd sounds that would make my roommate or passing personal aware of mine and Steph's doings.

"You travel along the path. It's well build and maintained..."

Her hand glides all over my thigh, squeezing it from time to time. And the higher she wanders the hornier I get, almost feeling the need to grab her hand and push it into my pussy! Gosh, two weeks without sex are just torture!

"…and without stumbling over any enemies, you reach a crossroad. The path to your right leads into a dense forest…"

"Hey! It's not that dense!" I object, but only receive a firmer grip on my thigh.

"In my stories, the forests are dense, 'cause I like 'em dense. Now, shush!" chides my awesome girl, giving me a few soft strokes as an apology for the hard grip. "Um…where was I…? Oh yeah! So, the _dense _forest to the right and straight ahead the _Depth of Na'vel_."

"The forest! I take the forest!" I almost plead, but if anything, Steph can be pretty sadistic when it comes to sex.

"Sadly, fate isn't on your side this time, since a black mist arises from the ground, accompanied by a guttural voice. _'Who dares entering my lands?'"_

Fuckdammit! I'm already so lost in my arousal, I totally forgot that we're still playing a game. And somehow I've the feeling that Steph enjoys keeping me on a short leash as a punishment for my try to bail on her.

"Uh…m-my…ugh, fuck! M-my name's Callamastia, and I'm…I'm looking for the city of _Org'gasm_!"

Steph lets out one of her eerie laughter and says "_'Nobody is allowed to enter the city ever again! Turn around and abandon your endeavor or feel my wreath!' _The mist gets denser and forms a shape, which materializes into a tall, black monster with two claymore swords in its hands. It radiates pure fear and despair. You need to roll the dice to overcome your fear and fight the dark power, which tries to stop you from reaching the city! Everything above _15_ will let you gather all courage. Everything underneath will fill your heart with despair and let you run away into the _Depths of Na'vel_, which will bring you farther away from your destination."

With my trembling hands – 'cause at the time I'm so horny from this erotic, ambiguous RPG – I pick up the dice and roll. And as it shows only a twelve, _real_ despair fills my _real_ heart and almost makes me cry.

"Oh, c'mon!"

"Deep inside, Callamastia realizes that she's not strong enough to fight this monster…yet! But she doesn't want to give up her search for the city! Heavy-heartedly she decides for the path ahead. Of course, the monster wants to stop you, but taking the way to the depths gives you more space to dodge its attacks. And then, you run as fast as you can. But though she's frustrated, Callamastia vows to herself that she'll train more and harder on her way until she'd be strong enough to return with a vengeance!"

So far, the story's amazing! And I wish it wouldn't be tied to my well-being, because I'm really on the edge here and suffer with Callamastia. But as Steph lets her hand glide upwards over my belly, I take her wrist into a soft grip and gaze deeply into her stunning eyes.

"On the horizon, I see a pair of mountains," I say quietly, "Callamastia, who's a child of the mountains, knows that only there she'll be able to get the needed strength to continue her journey to the city."

"You know that those mountains are far up north?"

I lean in, whispering into her ears. "Lead Callamstia to my tits or I'll become the monster and eat the Gamemaster alive!"

I feel how her hand gets all sweaty as Steph repositions to let it glide where I want it to be and block our doings from the surveillance-camera with her body.

"Hey, your game sounds boooring!" throws in my, also suicidal, goth-emo-teen roommate. Actually, she's pretty nice and cute with her colorful chin-long hairs, but far too emo for my taste, and right now just annoying!

"Shut the fuck up or just leave, bitch!" I yell at her, but everything I get back is a sigh, rolling eyes and that she lazily gets up.

"Fiiine! I leave you two to it," she mentions as she walks past my bed. "Call me when it gets interesting, so I can have some fun, too!"

Both, Steph and me, are following her as her slim body sways towards the open room door. And then, Steph does something I'd never have expected of her.

"Give us ten minutes!"

Wait! Does she really want my roommate to watch me getting off?! That's really kinky!

With a smug smile, Cassy - that's her nickname – gazes over her shoulder. "Thanks! See ya in ten!" And then, she's gone.

With a frown I look at Steph, who only gives me a shrug. "I'm fine if she wants to watch."

"Uh, hello! What about asking me?" I shoot back, which doesn't impress my girl in the slightest.

"My game, my rules! Or don't you wanna play until the _happy_ end?"

Damn! She really wants me to suffer for my suicide attempt and…okay, I'm not sure if it's really a punishment, because I'm so into this stuff and feel horny beyond everything. And I'm reminded of this as Steph reaches my tits and squeezes one of it softly while continuing her narration of the story.

"Callamastia practices each and every day…" She starts playing with my nipples. "…and gets stronger and stronger, the urge to reach the city helping her to access formerly unknown strength and durability." I moan quietly under her treatment. Trying to hide my lust becomes almost impossible. Luckily, Steph realizes this, too and pauses.

"After steeling her body for the upcoming fight, Callamastia decides to head south again, straight for the _Depths of Na'vel _with its six slight hills. From afar, those depths seem easily to pass, but in truth, an evil spell lies upon them. A spell, which fills the minds of humble wanderers with illusions, sending them across the landscape without ever reaching their destination. A labyrinth of death. And not even Callamastia can withstand those mind tricks and keeps on walking in circles."

The digits of her fingers are brushing circles all over my belly. Already experienced from months of mushy time, Steph knows the right pressure, which sets the feeling between tickling and massaging, short: pure awesomeness!

"Of course, Callamastia's innate stubborn head tries to fight the illusions, but you need at least a ten to clear your mind!" narrates Steph and – oh my gosh – I feel already so lightheaded that it takes me several attempts to roll the dice, which sadly stops at a devastating 5.

"Oh eat my ass, come ON!"

Aaaand the torture continues…UGH!

"You guys still not in business, yet?" chimes Cassy's voice as she saunters back into the room and towards her bed, a bag of potato-chips in her hand.

"Shut it!" I bark, getting really frustrated by now. But Steph knows how to keep me motivated, so that, instead stopping this game and simply fuck myself, I just endure this agony.

"Thanks to her incredible thick head, Callamastia eventually overcomes the spell and heads towards the forest. Sadly, the long travel through the depths has weakened her, so that she needs to roll five points higher in every fight to have an effect."

I'm just about to let out a bunch of curses at my devilish smirking girlfriend, until she reaches down into my 'forest' and gives my pubic mound a soft massage, which makes me hiss in pleasure.

"Finally!" mentions Cassy plainly as she noisily stuffs a fistful of chips into her mouth. Damn, she really seems to be entertained and enjoys the show. Still, I give her a stinky-eye because her chewing, cracking and rustling sounds are clearly disturbing my mood.

But a slight deeper brush brings my focus back to Steph.

"The plains of_ Forep'lay_ are laying behind you and you know that the valley of _Ple'Asure _must be close. However, you also feel that evil houses these woods. An ever dark presence, which sends goosebumps all over your skin. Barely you realize how the black mist materializes and the monster from before swings one of its vast swords at you, leaving Callamastia only one chance to dodge that deadly blow."

To tell the truth, I'm at a point right now, where thinking becomes almost impossible. Everything that has nothing to do with sex is merely an inconvenience. But I know the rules. I agreed to this. So, Price, get a fucking grip of yourself and roll the freakin' dice!

"A 15! Now we're talking!" I cheer, but get pulled back to reality as Steph's caressing strokes stop and the Gamemaster pisses me royally off.

"A 15 would've been enough to entirely avoid the attack. Sadly, Callamastia is too much weakened from her travel and only manages to avoid the blow by merely an inch. The impact of the heavy blade is so powerful that you stumble and fall. And if that wasn't bad enough, the cunning shadow-creature doesn't waste any time and kicks you right in the ribs, lifting you up the ground and sending you flying against a tree.

You're severely injured, no help in sight…"

"Dammit, where's Elamond, when you need this fucker?!"

"…The vast creature comes closer, its stomping steps foreshadowing your doomed fate. Stomp! Stomp! Stomp!"

"Well…guess that's it. No _Org'gasm _for you, Chloe!" comments Cassy drily, like she's enjoying my pain, as she stuffs some more junk food into her mouth. This, plus the fact that my uterus cries for an orgasm, makes me so furious that I grab Steph by her collar and hiss right into her face.

"If you end this game and leave me hangin' here, I'm gonna…"

"Break up with me?" she fills in the blank lines and pulls harshly on a bunch of my pubies…OUCH! "Bad idea, babe! You better come up with a plan, 'cause this will be your last chance to turn the tides!"

A PLAN?! Da fuck, Steph?! How am I supposed to get all creative when my brain's only reduced to my primitive parts for procreation? Oh, she's so punishing me!

"Uh…" is the only thing I come up with. Shit, I'm so fucked. I mean...not _fucked _fucked, but…uh…you get the gist.

And as the nurse barges in and says "Miss Price, visitor's time' over!" I almost break down in tears of desperation, because I know there's no bargaining with these motherfuckers, and if you rage, they're simply gonna fill up your ass with sedatives.

But what comforts me a bit is as I see the sadness in Steph's amazing eyes, which tells me, though she tortured me pretty hard, she would've loved to guide me to the city of _Org'gasm_.

"Sorry!" she says quietly with a bowed head, slowly pulling her hand out of my already drenched panties. Gosh, she's really feeling sorry!

"It's okay!" is my truly meant answer. "C'mon, I bring you out!"

At first, I check that my sweatpants are spotless…which they luckily are. Then, I get up while Steph packs the game back into her backpack, quietly. Though I shouldn't, I grab her hand and give it a soft squeeze plus a reassuring smirk, which signs her that I'm okay.

Giving my roommate a short wave with her hand and a friendly "Bye, Cassy!" we both then saunter along the hallway, side-by-side.

"It was an awesome game!" I eventually say to overcome the slight tension that hovers above us. I know…no, I feel that something's going on under that grey beanie of hers. Which gets revealed to me as she suddenly checks our surroundings, takes my hand into a tight hold and drags me into the nearest bathroom.

Still a bit dizzy from the remaining high concentration of blood in my crotch, I barely realize how Steph locks the door, pushes me against the next wall, pulls down my pants and dives into me.

The wave of pleasure I experience as her tongue flicks over my clit is so intense that I can't suppress a loud groan.

Aware that eating me out is inducing way too much noise, Steph gets up again and crashes her full, soft lips onto mine and continues to treat me with her fingers.

"I…mmh…I love you…mmh…so much!" she pants between our tongue-play, filling my heart with joy.

I break the kiss for a moment to catch a breath. We look at each other and I take in every awesome detail of her; every curve; every edge; every perfect part; even every flaw. And I love it! I love Steph and of course I tell her this!

"I love you, too!"

After brushing over her cheek, I let my hand wander deeper until it reaches her jeans. Slowly, I unbutton it and continue my journey past her waistband. And holy fuck! She's drenched down there like crazy!

Normally, Steph's the one who takes the lead in the sack, but not now! Today, I wanna take charge and slide two fingers inside her, which causes her to hold tightly onto me.

Damn, I've the feeling that this kinky version of D 'n' D had turned her more on than me!

Of course, my most loved girlfriend doesn't leave me hanging and returns the favor I'm just giving her. And of course, I'm the first who comes…as always. Though, this time, Steph follows only a few seconds later. Aaaand of course, we can't hold back with our moans, leaving them out as they come…literally!

Barely able to stand and panting heavily, we both sit down on the tiled floor for a moment.

"Gosh, I needed that!" sighs Steph, pulls her hand out of my pussy and licks her fingers clean.

Yup, Stephanie Gingrich, queen of nerds, can be pretty kinky and that's one side of her that turns me on like fuck and makes me come up with some lewd ideas, myself. So, I pull my hand out of her pants and hold it in front of her face. Of course, she understands right away and licks on it as well, but then comes my part, as I stick my tongue into her mouth to taste the mixture of our flavors.

I know she loves it when I do such spontaneous things and I bet we would've gone another round, if a heavy knock on the door and a yelled "Whoever's in there, open this door, right now!" wouldn't have destroyed that wet wish of mine.

Shit, busted!

* * *

Correct me, if I'm wrong, but I've the feeling that in every facility I'm a guest at, the boss of said joint is a stuck-up, bureaucratic asshole.

And where Blackhell has a Principal Wells, the loony bin is under the iron hand of a doctor Larsson, who's also therapist for suicidal kids, like me or Cassy. All-in-all, he's the typical mid-age career-doctor. Young, dynamic, patronizing and a fucking know-it-all.

"So," he says, sounding all-knowing and patronizing as always…UGH! "Your real name is Stephanie Gingrich, right?"

"Yes, sir!" replies my awesome girl, who sits right beside me, with a low voice, knowing that trouble's heading her way. Damn, I won't let her get blamed for this!

"Listen, doc! It was my idea, okay. She…"

"Chloe," he stops my words. "Haven't I already told you several times during group therapy that it's rude to interrupt the conversation of other people?"

I hate this fucker so much! "Uh, yes…sir. But…"

"Then stay quiet and wait for your turn!" he simply adds and as he put on his stupid I-am-so-superior-grin, I just can't hold back a well-deserved yet mumbled "Asshole!"

His dirty smirk falters as he adds "We'll talk about this insult later." and focuses his attention back to Steph. "Miss Gingrich, are you even aware of the severity of your doings? Not only that you lied and pretended to be a family member of a patient, no. You also risked the therapeutically effects on some of our other patients. Quite a number of those other kids have suffered from negative sexual influences and can be easily triggered!"

Shit! This son of a bitch is going full psycho on her! In my opinion, psychiatrists are dangerous, 'cause they know how to enter your mind and try to influence you. I'm a hard case, so surviving such psycho-shit has been easy for me, so far. But Steph? She's not like me.

My awesome Steph is strong and knows how to inspire people to give their best, but she doesn't know such shit. And I see that the fucking doctor's guilt-trip has her in its full grasp as my poor girl starts to sob.

Not on my watch, motherfucker!

"JUST STOP IT!" I yell and jump up, pretty aware that in a few seconds a nurse and one security-asshole will storm the office and sedate me. But who cares? Steph is way more important.

"We get it, okay! No sex in hospital. Great! Super! No fun allowed! Check! But tell ya what, I already got a solution for that problem."

I sit down again and fling an arm around my girlfriend's shoulder to underline how important she is to me.

"I'm done here! I got an epiphany and am healed. Suicide's bad, there's so much to live for. Bla-bla-bla, fuck you! So, gimme the freakin' release form and lemme go home with my girl, 'cause I so wanna get down on her again tonight!"

Though, I meant it pretty serious, the doctor simply chuckles and shakes his head and I know that shit's about to get real.

"Chloe, as much as you wish for it, your therapy is far from being complete and a release not possible within the next four weeks."

My anger rises. I clench my hands into fists. Four weeks? FOUR FUCKING WEEKS?! Okay, calm down, Price! You can do it, as long as…

"Of course, we'll have to take actions that such an incident won't happen ever again," says doctor Larsson, his sadistic smirk back in his ugly visage. "Miss Gingrich, your privilege to visit Miss Price is hereby revoked permanently."

"WHAT?!" I gasp.

"NO!" Steph cries in desperation.

"And to prevent such interactions at all, only her relatives will be allowed to visit."

Okay, that's it. Game's on, motherfucker! I jump up and over the table, yelling directly into his shocked face.

"Are ya fucking crazy?! She's the only thing that keeps me sane! If you take her away from me, I'll…"

I'm not even able to finish my rant as I get grabbed by two security-fuckers and dragged out of the room.

"Lemme go you fucking assholes or I'll swear…I'm gonna…kill you! STEPH!"

* * *

Against all expectations, they didn't pump me full of drugs, 'cause as soon as Steph was outta sight, I turned into a pile of crying shit and I guess they just spared the money getting me high. They just put me back in bed and strapped my wrists onto it.

For the last hours, all I did was crying and asking myself what have we done wrong, aside from doing what all teenagers in a relationship do: fucking?

Okay, maybe it wasn't right to have sex here, but damn! Denying my girlfriend access is so low!

"You hungry?" chimes Cassy's voice through the darkness of our room and at first I'm considering not saying a word, but I think she really cares. Let alone that my rumbling stomach betrays me anyway, 'cause I haven't been in the mood to eat something. But right now…

"Yeah…almost starving."

I hear how her blanket rustles and her bed creaks. Then bare feets patting over the linoleum and the. some rummaging. Eventually, I see Cassy's dark figure closing in and slumping down on the side of my bed. With a click, she flicks on the lamp on my nightstand. Silently, she undoes my bindings and reaches me a bag of potato chips.

Greedily, I rip open the package and stuff a fistful of this glorious, full with artificial flavors pumped pieces of greatness into my mouth.

"Blech," I mumble between my chews, "Sal' 'n' vinega'!"

"You wanna eat or complain? Just appreciate the good taste!"

I gulp down the first batch of junk food and am just so grateful that my stomach gets filled. "Thanks, Cassy! You're awesome!" I say with a big smile before stuffing some more food in my mouth.

My emo-roommate simply keeps on sitting on my bed, gazing at me…well, emotionlessly…like an emo…until I've emptied the bag. And like it's Christmas, she even pulls out a can of soda. Hallelujah!

"Burp!" is everything that comes out of my mouth after I've finished my most satisfying meal.

"You done?" asks my emo-friend with the colorful hair and, of course, I nod and add my typical "Fuck, yeah!"

"Then, let's get the fuck outta this hellhole!"

With a dumbfounded expression and a bigass frown, my sight follows Cassy as she jumps up and starts to pack her stuff.

"Uh…Cassy? What the…?"

Once more I can't finish what I want to say – Damn, why won't anybody let me finish?! – as Cassy presses her lips onto mine and forces her tongue down my throat. Though it's definitely wrong, I'm way too befuddled to do anything and have to wait until the emo-chick breaks the kiss.

"Cassandra Ferryman," she simply states and scoffs, "Hope now that we know each other better it's okay to get intimate."

And as if nothing had happened, she continues packing, while I try to get up with shaky legs, still not knowing what to do or say. Cassy was almost done as she realized that I was still standing in my spot.

"You wanna leave your stuff here?"

"N-no," I reply, but that's it. Gosh, I'm so fucked over right now. Thankfully, my roommate sheds some light into the darkness of my brain.

"Okay, listen! I planned to bail since I got here, but then I got my first nice and very attractive roommate and thought 'What the hell. You can do this with some good company.' But then today happened and I realized that, A: I need to get us both outta here, and B: I need to fuck you.

So, here's the deal: I get you outta this hospital and back to your girl, and in return, you're gonna gimme a good fuck. Deal?"

Holy. Fucking. Shit! The universe must really hate me, 'cause this is such an immoral offer that even Michael Douglas would blush redder than a hydrant. Let's see if I can talk her out of point B.

"Uh, Cassy…point A: no problem there, but B…I don't think so. You know I'm in a relationship and…"

"Do I look like I give a shit about her nerdy slut?" Cassy hisses into my face, interrupting me…AGAIN! "Listen! What I want is a simple fuck, not some lovemaking-smoochy-shit you do with your girl. But, if you prefer to stay in here for the next four weeks, only your mom and this assfucker she calls her boyfriend visiting you…be my guest."

With a plain shrug, Cassy lays back down into her bed, puts her hands behind her head and whistles a soft melody.

And here I am, forced to make another decision I never wanted to make. Sure, giving in to her demands is so wrong, but also is being separated from the girl you love. Plus, not being able to even call her since usage of phones is very limited is definitely fucked up.

Maybe Cassy's right. It would be nothing more than a simple fuck. No strings attached, no emotions. Just plain sex. A small price to pay for freedom. So…

I pull my shirt over my head and drop it. Then I strip down my pants and panties. I'm naked, and as Cassy eyeballs my body with her lustful gaze and a wry smirk, I kinda feel like a cheap whore. But this doesn't stop me as I lay down beside my roommate.

Right away her hands are exploring my body, caressing it where it feels good. She's fast and bold, not as soft and cautious as Steph.

"Ouch!" I call out as Cassy bites one of my nipples. But instead of an apology, I just get a devilish grin.

"You like it?"

Did she really just ask, if I like to get my nipple bitten?! What the fuck?! Okay, if you haven't noticed already, I should confess that – despite my badass reputation – I'm a total softie. I simply don't like to get bitten, spanked, fisted, assfucked or any other hardcore stuff that most of my fans would love me to do.

Do I even have fans? I mean, besides Steph and Max…and maybe Mikey…and Justin…

Damn, I've got a fuckin' community already! Maybe they should make a film or comic or videogame just about me! That'd be so co-…OUCH!

"Focus, Chloe!" singsongs Cassy, once more this stupid smirk on her face. But this time I can't hold back to reply something. And you can tell that I'm pretty pissed already!

"If you bite me one more time, I'm gonna punch you in the face, bitch!"

Of course, this threat doesn't impress her in the slightest. Instead, she combs through my strawberry-blond hair, grabs a fistful and pulls on it, making me groan in pain.

"If you want this to be over, you better start to make me feel good! You got fifteen minutes before the nurse barges in again, so…"

Okay, she wants to feel good? I give her five minutes and then she'll have the orgasm of her life!

I give the clock on the wall a short peek, before I push Cassy on the mattress, pull her t-shirt above her small tits and start to treat them.

"Oh fuuuuck!" she moans and arches her back. "That's what I'm talking about!"

Like my treatment has flicked a switch inside of her, Cassy drops her dominatrix-act and gets all soft and mushy, letting her hands brush through my hair and back…and even gives me a soft smile. Time to give her the full awesomeness of my lesbian experience!

So, I let my hand glide softly over her body and guide it past the waistline of her black pajama shorts until it reaches…HOLY FUCK!

Um…okay, guys. Now it gets a bit…well…special?

She has a landing strip…so far so common. She's already drenched as fuck…nothing special after that treatment of mine. But what's new to me, is a piercing through the clit.

Yes, Cassandra has a pierced pussy and now I'm asking myself how to react on that and almost fear that she might switch back into bitch-mode. But instead, she gives me a knowing smile and whispers "Don't worry, just do ya thing!"

Okay! I'm gonna do my thing. Some standard clit-rubbing. Massaging every inch. But instead of starting with one finger, I get back to her for the bad treatment from before and stuff two inside right from the beginning. And against my expectations, Cassy's pretty tight and inhales sharply as she gets spread. Sorry, but not sorry…bitch!

Okay, time's running out. And I'm actually not planning on doing anything else than fingering her pussy. So, let's get it over with and search for her sensitive spot!

Hmm…let's see…maybe I should push here? Nope, that's where Steph's spot is. Maybe here? Nope! Or maybeeee…

"Ugh, fuck yes! That…that's it! Oh shit…I'm…I'm already…mmph!"

Bingo!

To muffle her moaning – 'cause being too loud would fuck up our escape – I press my lips onto Cassy's.

Damn, her orgasm seems to last like forever and I almost run out of air, but eventually, she comes down. I gaze at the clock again…dammit, six minutes! I should've cut some foreplay!

Without any caution or mushiness I pull my fingers out and give her a pissed-off "Feeling good enough?"

Panting heavily and sweat all over her face, Cassy just nods. But as she tries to touch me again, I simply stand up and get dressed.

"Good, then let's bail!"

"W-wait!" she says, strangely not sounding like a badass at all anymore. "D-don't you want me to…"

"No!" I whisper-yell at her, close in and keep on hissing into her intimidated demeanor. "You wanted to get off, I got you off! A deal's a deal! Now, get me outta here or I'm gonna make sure that you stay here with me! And besides, I'm not really turned on by getting abused!"

A tear forms in the edge of her eye and runs down her cheek. I hurt her; said something wrong. But I don't care! She started this shit, now she has to live with the consequences!

But this sadness doesn't cling onto her for long. In merely a second she switches again, from little mushy-girl to badass-emo-bitch.

"Fine!" she growls and makes her way to the window. And as I pack my stuff and ask myself if I've got anything, my sight falls onto the surveillance cam.

Oh shit!

"Don't worry, it's just a dummy," mentions Cassy as she fumbles on one of the windows. "Out of anger that I wanted to have some privacy while fucking myself, I pulled the cable. So far, nobody complained, ergo: a dummy."

Then a click chimes through the room and the – actual formerly – locked window swings open and reveals to us the dark night outside. A dark night, where it rains cats and dogs. UGH!

"C'mon!" urges me Cassy, grabs her stuff and jumps out, I'm following her stat, a backpack on my back and a duffle bag slung over my shoulder! Lucky for us, the psychiatric ward of the hospital is on the first floor and the leap between windowsill and muddy ground only a few feet.

We run as fast as we can. It took me merely a few seconds to get entirely drenched, but thanks to the shitty weather we're able to leave the vicinities without any problems.

Somewhere on the way Cassy simply vanishes into the night. And somehow I get a bad feeling about everything.


	3. Life is a Bad Dream

**Life is…a Bad Dream**

I'm cold. And with cold I mean, pretty assfucking-son-of-a-bitch-I-need-a-hot-tub kinda cold. My whole body's shivering and my nipples are about to pierce through my entirely soaked clothes as I finally reach the dorms of Blackwell.

Thank whoeverthefuck that it's not the first time I have to sneak in, 'cause I already visited Steph numerous times after curfew and am a pro-ninja!

I bet you guys wanna know how I manage to get inside, huh?

Well, that's my little secret, bitches! Muhaha!

But jokes aside. I stand in front of Steph's dorm room, water literally pouring down my body, forming a puddle at my feet. The hallway is dark, everybody's asleep. So, I knock cautiously, 'cause my fucking phone's still at the hospital. Fascist fuckers!

Of course, I didn't expect an immediate answer and already thought about knocking again, until I hear some shuffling in her room and Steph suddenly opens the door, gazing at me totally befuddled.

"Chloe?!" she says in amazement, entirely stunned, and all that comes into my mind is to just wrap my arms around her body and hug my awesome girl like crazy, not caring that I'm totally drenching her…maybe gonna do this tonight nonetheless with a different region of hers.

"Chloe," Steph speaks again, and pushes me softly away. Her pajama is totally wet, which causes her pointy nipples to be perfectly visible. Gosh, I'd love to get a hold of…

"CHLOE!"

"Uh…yeah?" I reply this time, realizing that Steph doesn't seem to be that happy to see me. What the fuck?!

"What're you doing here?"

"Well…I missed you and…here I am!"

Although I try to lighten the mood a bit by acting all cheerful 'n' shit, Steph simply stays serious and even crosses her arms in front of her chest.

"Chloe, tell me the truth! Did they release you or did you run away?"

Most people only see one side of Stephanie Gingrich: the friendly, all-knowing queen of nerds with a weakness for classic movies and an eye for artistic screenplay. But I…I already experienced a very serious side of her. A side that would tell anyone: _don't fuck with me!_

A bit intimidated, I scratch the back of my neck, just saying "Well…" and that's as far as I come before Steph reacts in a way I never would've even dreamt about.

"I don't believe it!" she says, shaking her head. "Are you insane?! What were you thinking?"

"I…I wanted to be with you and…uh…ugh! Steph, I love you and just imagine four weeks without seeing you…"

"And you think now it's gonna be better?!" she yells at me and I've to take a step back as her tone hits me right in the guts. Boy, she's so pissed at me! "Chloe, you're suicidal and need help! I don't wanna go through this again! I don't wanna find my girlfriend again, laying on the floor in her own vomit, almost choking on it!"

"Steph, it was some stupid one-time-thing." I try to sooth, but to no avail.

"Oh really?" she shoots back and hurts me with this kind of cynical mistrust. "Chloe, if you haven't realized already, all this rage and social anxiety of yours is part of a deep depression. You need help…"

"I NEED YOU!" it bursts out of me, feeling like a big pressure is upon me. Breathing gets heavier as my rage is about take over, because I simply can't believe what my girlfriend's just implying. "I don't need a fucking therapy! I need someone who holds on to me! I need love!"

"Chloe," Steph sighs and gets sad. "You had my love even before you tried to kill yourself and still went through with it. I'm sorry, but I love you way too much to take a risk. I'm gonna call the hospital now and…"

I'm hurt. Her words hurt me. I thought she would be happy to see me, but instead she just wants to get rid of me. I don't wanna go back! I don't wanna be stuck in this fucking loony bin, all alone. I don't wanna be alone…at least, not like this: abandoned and put on a fucking sidetrack.

I grab her hand harshly as she reaches for her phone on the nightstand, giving her an imploring glare.

"Steph, please don't!"

But she stays adamant, ripping her hand out of my grasp. "Chloe…it's for the best!"

"NOOO!" I scream and start to cry, not able to cope that the person I love so dearly stabs me in the back. Panic is taking over. I wanna run away again. "Steph…if you do this, then…then we're done!"

An empty threat, 'cause I love her way too much. Yet, Steph takes it very personally. Who could blame her for that?

"You can't be serious?!" she says with watery, dilated eyes.

Of course, I'm not serious. "I mean it!"

Now I'm the one who's hurting her. She cares, I hurt her. Like with Mom. She cares about me, too and I only keep on bitching. Maybe I need help. Maybe they're right. My heart tells me to stop this shit and get reasonable. But my shitty brain takes over and ruins everything.

With tears in her eyes and trembling lips she says quietly. "Then do what you have to do, but I won't let you hurt yourself again!"

Too late, I'm already hurting myself. I need help, I really do! She's right, I'm wrong. Take back what you said and apologize, Chloe! It's so easy, isn't it?

"Fuck you, Steph!"

With an angry growl I turn around on the spot and run away, leaving my stuff and the loud sobs of a badly hurt Steph Gingrich behind me. I'm an asshole and run away from myself, though I know I can never escape.

The cold rain soaks my body more and more, letting the coldness run through it to the bones. I feel how strength is leaving my body with every step. I'm trapped in the darkness, unaware where I am. I trip over something and fall. I'm getting tired, just want to sleep.

"I'm sorry!" I whimper, as I curl up into a fragile ball of fucking self-pity. "Steph…I'm…I'm so sorry!"

I'm trapped in a nightmare, called my life and wanna wake up. Wanna finally be the person that makes others happy.

Max, Katie, Steph…I love them all; I hurt them all. What I love gets corrupted. Joy turns into agony when I'm around.

A light pierces through the darkness and at first I think it's the light at the end of the tunnel, until I hear the sound of an engine, coming closer. Then I hear the screeching of tires on pavement. It's obvious that some car driver has found me at side of a road.

"Chloe?!" the person suddenly calls my name and somehow…I recognize this voice, but am too weak to raise my sight. I just feel how I get pulled up and sat into a warm place. The rest is only a blur.

* * *

"I hate you, Chloe! I wish you would've just died, so that I could piss on your rotten corpse!" yells Steph into my face. It hurts. It literally rips my heart out.

"Steph, please! I'm…I'm so sorry!" is my whimpered answer as I try to beg for forgiveness.

"Why should she?" suddenly chimes Kate's voice and through my from tears blurry sight I see her taking position beside my ex-girlfriend. "You hurt us, Chloe! You hurt us both, because you're a failure!"

I sink to my knees, the pain gets unbearable. "P-please, stop! I…I can't…"

"Look at this miserable piece of shit!" Steph keeps on ranting. I look up to both girls, only to see them smirking at me, their finger's intertwined.

"Y'know, Steph?" says Kate, shifting her gaze towards my ex-girl. "I actually had planned to give this whore my virginity. Can you believe this?!"

Everything seems so surreal, like my only reason to be here is to get emotionally tortured, which is totally confirmed as Steph softly touches Kate's chin and kisses her passionately, only breaking it to say "How about you give it to me?"

With a timid chuckle, Kate starts to strip and I can't do shit. I'm forced to watch how Steph and Kate, the persons I love, get busy in front of me, glaring and smirking at my pity being from time to time to make sure I'm suffering enough.

"Wowser, that's so hot!"

There's only one person in this universe, which would use such a stupid word like _wowser_. And this very person, called Max Caulfield, wraps one arm around my shoulder and whispers into my ear.

"Look at them! They're so cute and really enjoying each other. You've such a great taste, but I guess I was never your type?"

Turning my head, I look at that cute, freckled face in bewilderment. Never my type? I crushed on Max since I've been twelve, yet always marked it as some stupid puberty crap. But maybe…

"No, you were always my type!" I answer and lean in to kiss her. Sadly, my lips don't find hers as she backs away.

"I don't wanna get hurt, Chloe!" my best friend replies and takes a few more steps back.

"I'd never hurt you!"

After a few steps backwards, Max gets welcomed by Kate and Steph, who are entirely naked. Both fling their arms around here, while their voices become one big echo that hammers onto my mind like a jackhammer.

"_Of course, you'd hurt her! You always hurt people! She's safe with us, far away from your toxic being!_"

"Please!" I whimper again, losing my hope. "Not her! Not Max! Please don't take her away from me!"

"_You cared shit about her for the last few years! Why would it be any different now? Go away, Chloe! Leave us alone and just die already!_"

All three begin to walk backwards, leaving me alone with my pain.

"Max," I cry, reaching out with my hand, "please don't go! Max! MAX!"

But it's no use. They all are fading in the distance, their eerily chuckles chiming in my ears, piercing my mind like hot needles. I scream! Scream out the pain that's about to make my head burst if I don't release it.

"MAAAAAAX!"

* * *

The story of my life: Waking up after being unconscious and feeling like shit.

I know I had a nightmare, but am I still there or am I back in the real world? I just can't tell the difference. Everything feels dull. Every sound is dull.

I hear a voice, but can't tell if it's close or far away.

I feel coldness and heat throughout my body at the same time.

I wanna open my eyes, but everything's just blurry. Shapes are indistinct.

I'm constantly drifting between light and darkness. I wanna stay in the light; wanna wake up! So, I fight! I groan and fight and try to grab something and eventually manage to get a hold onto something soft and warm.

"Hush, I'm here, Chloe!"

This voice! So crystal-clear like an angel's voice.

Angel!

My little angel!

Katie!

* * *

Like it has been a wakeup call, rips Katie's voice me out of my shitty dullness. Out of a sudden I'm able to focus and see her cute face right above me.

"K-Katie?" I manage to say with a hoarse tone, still having some trouble to stay into the here-and-now.

"Shh! It's okay. I'm here!" she says calmly, brushing with a wet cloth over my face. "You're suffering from a strong fever and need to rest!"

The hell I wanna rest! I haven't seen Kate in like forever, and the last picture I had of her was that of a devastated, heartbroken girl. So…pretty much fucked!

I ignore all the pain and exhaustion, sit up and wrap my arms around my little Kate. And there it is again: this comforting, warm feeling in my stomach. And though I would've bet that Katie would smack that shit outta me, she instead replies the embrace and even rocks me tenderly.

Right at this moment, the world is falling down on me. I start to cry. I'm literally overwhelmed by a shitton of feelings and can't do anything else than to have a meltdown.

But Katie holds me. She holds me the entire time. Seconds. Minutes. Hours. I don't fucking know how long. And then something happens that even surprises me: I break the hug and kiss her.

Damnfucking shit! What am I doing?!

Why am I doing this?!

Why isn't she backing away?!

Why am I sticking my tongue into her mouth?!

And why the freakin' hell is she using her tongue, too?!

Our breaths are labored. We moan softly. We're lost in the moment, which is only broken as Kate's mother barges into the room.

Well, shit! Time to faint again!

* * *

Actually, I'm not really unconscious…more in a partly asleep, partly awake stadium. I hear a mixture of voices. It's Kate, arguing with her parents.

"I want her out of the house!"

"Mom, she was just in a delirium and thought I was her girlfriend."

"You didn't seem to feel uncomfortable, Kate!"

"She was just in shock, Janine!"

Yeah, right! Ha-ha! Kate was totally in shock…NOT!

"I want this sinful girl out of my house as fast as possible!"

"She's my friend and I won't throw her out just because you're a homophobe!"

"What did you just call me?!"

"My dear, I already called her mother and she's going to get her right after work!"

"Good! And you're forbidden to see her ever again!"

A door gets slammed shut and what follows is Kate's furious voice. I've never heard her sounding that pissed!

"You can't forbid me to see her!"

Eat my ass! Looks like my influence turned her into a small badass…and I'm kinda proud of it!

I feel how her cute behind impacts on the mattress and hear how she huffs out some air to release some steam.

"You can stop pretending to be asleep, Chloe!"

With a smirk on my lips I slowly open my eyes and…holy shit, she looks so pissed.

"What was that?" she hisses quietly, but if she thought that her little bit of rage is gonna have any effect on me…well, you got the wrong girl!

"As far as I remember it's called a kiss and you definitely enjoyed it!"

And there goes her badassery. Yup, never mess with your master, Katie!

"I-I…uh…I…did, but…" she stammers and I kinda start to feel bad about it, until she steadies herself with a deep sigh and tells me something that almost knocks me out cold. "Chloe, it actually was nice, but it won't happen ever again!"

Now I'm the one who's dumbfounded and lacks any words. "Uh…"

"Chloe, I'm sorry how I behaved the other day and…what happened after that…"

Her eyes are getting all wet and I see how guilt is shadowing her demeanor. Damn, she blames herself for my stupidity! I can't and won't let this happen!

"Katie," I say and hold one of her hands while looking deep into her beautiful hazel bunny-eyes. "It wasn't your fault! This whole shitty situation…it was just too much! Since the first day I met you, I felt that there was something between us…some sort of chemistry. But I struggled. I struggled with myself if this was right and eventually made a decision as I choose to date Steph."

This time, it's me who sighs loudly and has to fight with her tears. "Honestly, I never would've expected that you would be...into me like this. Y'know, because of your religion 'n' stuff."

"That's the point, Chloe." returns my Katie with a sad voice, making me frown at her, because of…whaaaat?! "Since that day I thought about us and my…my sexual desires. And…"

"And?"

Silence. Uncomfortable silence. How much I hate it! The rising tension…unanswered questions…deep thoughts on a killing spree...IT JUST SUCKS!

"I'm gonna attend a convent."

Okay, everyone whose jaw didn't drop right now…PISS OFF!

Kate, attending a convent? A fucking nunnery?! This must be another nightmare…or a fucking joke, 'cause there's no way that this hot gal here becomes a nun and stays off the market!

"You're shitting me, right?" I say with a wry smirk, hoping to get one of her cute giggles in return, but…ugh!

"No, I mean it. Chloe…you started a fire inside me that shouldn't be burning. I had this inner struggle too, and…you heard my parents. There's no way they would accept it and since you were the only…girl for me, I decided to rather spend the rest of my life serving the Lord instead of explaining one day to my family why I don't wanna date any guys."

"Oh…" is the only thing that comes into my mind for quite some time. Okay, everyone might be asking now, why I don't rage or try to convince Kate to get back into action and eventually look for another awesome gal. But you know what? I won't do it, because I know my Katie. She's smart and adamant when it comes to her well-thought decisions. And who am I to tell her how to live her life? If she wants to stay a virgin, then it may be so. Maybe it's even for the best, because – truth be told here – I'm a shitty and complicated girlfriend!

"But believe me, we're still gonna stay friends!" she adds with a warm smile, giving my hand a slight squeeze. "We're gonna write, text, chat and call each other! And when I'm visiting my family, we can meet for a tea or a sleepover!"

Well, that doesn't sound so bad.

"Okay!" is my quiet answer, and it's rewarded with slight kiss on my cheek.

Luckily, we already broke contact before the door swung open again. But it isn't Kate's parents who are crashing the party, but my Mom and…ugh, Deputy Dildo. And their faces are only speaking one language: I'm in big fucking trouble.

* * *

As I already said, I hate uncomfortable silence. And I had to endure it all the way to the car and most time of the ride. I know they're gonna bring me home for the time being until they figured out what to do with me. But I know what I want. No, I know what I _need_: help. Lotsa help. And definitely not from this asshead my mom calls boyfriend, who had already ranted about me while I was dressing.

"I wanna go back to the hospital," I say and immediately realize how Mom and Dickhead-David share some confused glimpses. They're officially speechless, and that's kinda hilarious.

"Sweetheart…?" is everything Joyce manages to say while frowning at me over her shoulder and I give her my very rare _sorry-I-know-I-fucked-up_ gaze.

"Mom, what I did was just stupid, dumb and out of desperation. I fucked over a lotta people with it…including Steph. I…I don't wanna do this anymore! I wanna be better, but…"

"David," my Mom eventually says, shifting her gaze to her – UGH! – boyfriend, "please drive us to Blackwell."

Uh, am I in a wrong movie or why's Mom suggesting dragging my ass to Blackhell? Let alone that I'm still feeling like shit. Of course – all-knowing as she is as a waitress – she gazes back at me again, answering the question that is literally written all over my being.

"If you really wanna change somethin', kid, I'd suggest you start by apologizing to your girl, because god knows that you gonna need as much support as possible!"

Again, everything feels just surreal. Probably a mixture of befuddlement and my fever. But, eventually, we arrive at Blackwell and as soon as I realize that a confrontation with Steph comes closer, my body gets filled with adrenaline and with every step I get reduced to a shy fragile piece of _Ugh_.

It's afternoon, so there are only three possibilities where Steph might be: the drama lab, her room or hanging out with the other nerds. So, my first destination is the main building. But before I wander around the premise like a zombie, I better ask around.

"Yo, Dana!" I call for one of those drama kids, who I randomly see in the hall, "Have you seen Steph?"

At least, Dana's one if them bitches who's actually nice and not judgmental.

"Hi Chloe! She should be in the drama lab, preparing tomorrows drama class." she says and I'm kinda relieved…until she comes up with a very fucked-up topic. "Say, is it true that you two officially broke up?"

Fuck! Nothing stays a secret in this fucking town and this just sucks! Fuck her! Fuck everyone else! I don't even wanna talk about this, so I ignore her and keep heading towards the drama lab. Everyone, who's in my path, gets tossed away.

"HEY! Are you insane, you ugly psycho-cunt-licker?!" yells Victoria as I push her out of the way and spill a cup coffee…or something over her overpriced clothes, not caring if she sues me for that. Keep going, Price, you're almost there!

"Steph?" I call out after reaching the classroom. It's deserted and I'm already about to head for the dorms as I remember that there was also a dressing room. Here goes nothing!

As a push opens the slightly ajar door, a picture presents itself behind it that breaks my heart.

Steph – my ever-strong Steph – sits on one of those fancy make-up tables, her head resting on her folded arms on the tabletop. Her body trembles from numerous sobs, and I, myself, have to fight down my tears upon seeing my poor Steph so devastated. How could I do something like this to her?

"Steph?" I cautiously ask with my quiet, already shaky voice, being reduced to nothing more than a miserable pile of self-pity.

She raises her head, only to gaze at my reflection in the mirror. Her eyes…her beautiful blue eyes are red and puffy, gazing at me with a mixture of hurt and anger.

"What are you doing here?" she hisses quietly and for a moment my voice just fails.

What should I tell her? Just 'Sorry for being an ass'? She looks really bad and it's my fault – mine alone! There's no one else to blame for this.

"I-I…I wanted to apologize for my fucked up behavior. You were right. I'm gonna go back to the hospital and…"

"Stop it right there!" interrupts me Steph, getting even more furious. She shoots up so fast that the chair falls over and then closes in on me until we're almost face-to-face. "You think that you, showing up here, and a simple 'sorry, you're right' will be enough?!"

"N-no…I-I…"

"Do you even know why I'm crying?" she keeps on firing. Now I can't hold back those tears anymore and got a very bad feeling again, because rhetorical questions are always a bad omen. "I'm crying because I made a decision, Chloe! I decided to…to be done with you!"

It hits me like a wrecking ball in the face. My heart stops beating. My brain goes blank. And all my strength leaves my body. Steph's breaking up with me and I can't even give her any credit for that, 'cause it were my own actions which lead to this. I'm the only one to blame. Still, it's hard to accept it.

"S-Steph, I…P-please, I…I love…" I whimper, wet lanes running over my face. I'm just pathetic and my stammered words are fucking underlining it.

"Stop!" Steph continues without any mercy or the possibility to let out my desperate gibber-jabber, brushing some tears from her cheeks. At least, she's calmed down again. "Chloe, you know I'm a person who sticks to her decisions. This is why I can be who I am, without giving shit about what others think. And today I made the decision to break up with you, because…"

She pauses. She's about to say hurtful things and gives me some time to brace myself for the next psychological hammer. She's fair, always has been. She even grabs my hand to gimme some hold.

"We had a great time and believe me, I enjoyed every second of it, but…right now, I can't do it."

Of course I don't understand, and feel my rage rising.

"I know you need any help and support you can get, but I think, right at this point, I can't give it to you. At least…not as your girlfriend."

"What?!" it blurts outta me and I rip my hands from her grasp. Steph, however, stays cool. Even gives me a weak smile.

"See, that's what I mean. There's this dark side still in you that scares me. That literally makes me dislike you.

Last night, when you raged on me, I was hurt and felt how my love to you suffered from this. And I don't want this! I don't wanna see the day you need me the most and I just leave you out of hate. Chloe, you're special to me! But I think right now, I'm more of a help as friend instead of a girlfriend. You understand?"

Of course not. Breaking up to help me, the hell?! But did this come really with a surprise? I hurt her pretty bad and can be lucky that she even talks with me. Yet, I simply lack the strength to reply anything, positive and negative. I don't even manage to uphold my rage.

Under heavy sobs I wrap my arms around my body and wanna do nothing more than to lie down and die. Only Steph's strong hug keeps me upright as I cry into her shoulder, only her soothing, whispered words are keeping me in the here-and-now.

"I'm so sorry, Chloe! I wish it would've gone better, but…"

I know how she means it. I know she wants to comfort me. But I can't take it anymore! I wanna run away again. Just away. Because her closeness is torture for my heart and her touches like hot needles under my skin. I wanna scream! Scream out all that pain. But I won't. Not here, not now! Just run, you fool and get your head fixed before you hurt somebody else!

As I break contact and wanna walk away, I feel how Steph tries to hold on to me. A slight ping of hope glows through the darkness inside of me for a short moment and tries to tell me that she might regret her decision, but right now it gets simply swallowed by this giant black hole of despair again.

I keep on walking through the halls of Blackwell, passing and ignoring other students. I probably look like a total wreck, but I don't care. They probably already gossiping about me, but I so don't give a fuck about that, until I hear this one bitchy voice that simply drives me nuts!

"Karma, bitch!"

Victoria…fucking…Chase!

Normally I'd ignore that cunt, but not today! Not right now. Especially as I see this devilish, gloating grin that she's giving me as she's thriving on my emotional pain like a succubus.

I don't say a word. I don't flip her off. Everything I do is closing in, grapping her collar, pressing her against the next wall and giving her the most deathly stare I ever mustered in my entire life.

The crowd around us collectively gasps and then stares at the show I'm giving them, but again I don't care.

All that bitchiness and arrogance that once defined her being has now vanished as well as the color from her face. Her dilated, watery eyes are staring at me in pure horror as if she fears I'd kill her on the spot…and the people around us probably think the same.

Out of a sudden, I hear some lapping under us and as I look at our feet, I see how urine is dripping from under Bitchtoria's skirt onto the floor and forms a yellow puddle. Yes, aloof Victoria Chase is just pissing her panties and a lot of students are witnessing it.

Being a bit disgusted that my shoes are getting sprinkled by piss and having done enough, I eventually let go of that cunt and continue my way. Out of the building, over the campus, right to the parking lot, where Mom and that pornstache-fucker are already waiting.

And then something happens that I haven't done since Dad died:

As soon as I spot Joyce, I totally lose it. Big tears are falling, heavy sobs are shaking my body and all I wanna do is wrapping my arms around my mom and cry everything out.

"Oh my poor sweetheart!" she speaks soothingly while brushing over my back. I so need that, because, right at the moment, Mom's the only one who holds me together.

It takes some time until I've managed to calm down enough to finally get into the car. Surprisingly, instead of taking the passenger's seat, Mom sits down in the rear beside me and flings one arm around my shoulder to gimme some more comfort.

As Sergeant Shitface gets into the car, he mumbles "What a waste of time!" before starting the engine. But we heard it and right on the spot Joyce tears him a new one.

"One more word, Mr. Madsen, and we'll have the next breakup in this family!"

I'm so glad to have my Mom! I realize that, without her, I'd be lost and…she really cares about me. True, she has a shitty taste in men since Dad died, but one thing's for sure: she's an awesome mom with some minor edges!


	4. Life is a Madhouse

**Life is…a Madhouse**

My dad is dead, squashed by a semi-truck. My best friend left for the big city and broke contact, only to reappear after I tried to kill myself. My girlfriend dumped my ass, because I went bonkers on her and she can't take that shit. My Mom somehow managed to make a nemesis her boyfriend…well, at least she sticks around. And last but not least, my new home is a madhouse…literally.

The first steps on the same ground that I had bailed from not even 24 hours ago, are slow and insecure. My body would just love to turn around, 'cause I feel like the devil, walking into a church. But my mind tells me to keep going; to accept that need for help.

Of course, they are already awaiting me and I already would've bet that the welcome-present will be a straightjacket. But instead, it's just a wet handshake and a smug smile from Doctor Dickhead.

"Hello Chloe, I'm glad you're back!" he tries to greet me, but I simply ignore it and walk past him. No need to exchange a word or to apologize to this limpdick. Everyone follows me as I walk straight back into my room. Only as I throw myself onto the bed and start to cry out my pain, they eventually get the gist that I wanna be left alone.

I just feel how my mom gives me one last, slight hug before I'm finally alone in the dark, feeling empty and lonely.

Steph is gone. Max is gone. Kate is gone. Everyone I loved just crushed my heart. It aches. Aches so much that I'd love to rip it out! And the pain only stops as I finally fall asleep, though I know it will return in the morning.

* * *

"How are you feeling, Chloe?"

_How are you feeling, Chloe? _Not the first time I heard this stupid question, and I always answer it just with a shrug of my shoulders. But today, I can't hold back a snarky comment.

"Listen, dipshit! My Dad is gone. My best friend left for Seattle and broke contact only to suddenly reappear after my suicide attempt to show some pity. My girlfriend broke up with me, 'cause she can't handle my loose screws. And the cute girl, who became my new best friend and I crushed on like crazy, decided to visit a convent to run away from my gay influence. And you're asking if I'm okay?!"

For a moment, Doc Dickwat stays silent, but eventually grins and takes some notes.

"Very good, Chloe! We're finally making some progress. Now that you've opened up, we can work on your depression."

Opened up? What?! Is he serious?! Pft, I didn't… I-I mean, I just… I mean, I would never… I…Ugh, fuck you!

Instead of answering something, I just cross my arms and try to ignore this jerk's victorious grin. Jeez, how I hate this motherfucker! Never thought, that Dumbshit David would ever get some competition.

Sadly, this fucker is far away from being finished asking stupid questions and keeps going on my fucking nerves!

"And why do you think those unfortunate events happened?"

Don't flip your shit! Don't flip your shit! Don't… flip… Ugh, fuck it!

"Fuck, how should I know?!" I blurt back, almost about to jump at this asshole and choke him to death. "Maybe you and the rest of the world just hate me! Everybody hates me!"

Shit, I'm losing it. Actually, I don't wanna get soft in front of that wanker, but… I can't. I start to cry like a baby and just wish my mom would be here to gimme this much needed shoulder of hers.

"Everybody leaves me. I just… I just want someone to be there for me, but… They all leave and never look back. I'm so alone… so fucking alone."

To my surprise, Doctor Dick reaches me a box of Kleenex to wipe all that shit off my face. Does he care? I don't care! I just take it, but can't stop crying. He keeps asking questions, but neither do I understand 'em nor am I able to answer. Everything just crashed down on me, like a fucking giant wall that has been hit by a wrecking ball and now I'm about to drown in all that shit that is flowing out of that insanely hughe hole.

I'm shutting down. It's just too much. He broke me. Barely, I realize how a nurse brings me back to my room. Everything is dull…without any meaning. I try to sleep, but I can't. I wanna stand up, but I can't. It's like I'm paralyzed.

Steph, Max, Kate… I loved them, but I pushed them away. I know why they left. Because of me. It's my fault. My…fucking…fault.

* * *

4 weeks later…

I'm a prisoner of my own mind. Trapped, unable to escape. Doomed to watch while my body's acting on its own.

I follow the daily routine. Standing up, showering, breakfast, therapy, lunch, group therapy, spare time, dinner, bed time, sleeping…repeat. Every day the same shit for now a month straight.

Am I getting better? No. Not by a longshot. Since I came back here I haven't spoken one word. I bet the docs have already stamped me as lost case… Well, except the uber-asshat, Doc Larsson. Which should probably tell me, that he's probably not such a dickhead after all.

He still talks to me, tries to get me involved in group therapy. Still, he has this arrogant touch that tells me that he probably sees in me nothing more than a challenge. A giant mountain he has to climb to prove himself that he's the best.

Okay… I definitely won't let him climb atop me. Blech! And my inner punk refuses to play ball and give him the satisfaction of success. Yet, my subconscious also tells me to break this fucked up vicious circle I'm trapped in and get da fuck outta here!

Summed up: Everything and every day is nothing more than a stressful pile of shit. Only the lonely dark nights give me some quiet quality time. Time, in which nobody gets on my bum and I finally got the possibility to think straight… I mean straight as in…y'know what I mean.

Anyway, sometimes it even feels like I'm in trance… like I can't differ if I'm awake or asleep.

Every night I lie in the dark and think. Think about my life, those fucked up things that happened, Steph, Max, Kate, sex, Suckersergeant David, Mom, how to fuck over Doc Larsson and so on and so forth. You see, lots of stuff goin' on up there. I'd like to think of it as some kind of self-healing… maybe it works…maybe not.

Anyway, it always has something soothing to be alone. No people, no sound, no-…

"-one to have fun with. How boring!"

As Cassy's voice suddenly chimes beside me I yell "FUCKING SHIT!" and roll myself off the bed. Not a good idea since I'm hurtfully landing right on my sweet butt with a groan.

After shaking off the first very unpleasant surprise, I cautiously look over the brim of the bed and there she is: Cassy in all her dark gothic glory, sitting on the bed that she had once been sleeping in.

Damn, looks like they got her and brought her back while had slept in. Ugh! Goodbye, lonely nights. Hello, crazy nympho goth-chick!

"Cassy?! What the fuck…?! Did they get you?"

"Well," she scoffs, "kinda." And then gets super-serious. "Listen Chloe, I wanna apologize for Cassy's stupid behavior. I tried to stop her, but…"

"Wait-wait-wait!" I say as her words don't make any freakin' sense to me. "It was _you_, who behaved like an asshole!"

"No," she replies with a headshake, "It wasn't me. It was Cassy."

"Okay-okay-okay. Timeout!" I throw in again, feeling a bit confused and… Ugh, who am I kidding? I feel edgy like shit! But…I try to keep my calm and be reasonable. "Listen! I get it that we all are kinda insane, but you _are_ Cassy and it was you who blackmailed and actually sexual abused me!"

Cassy, though, doesn't answer right away, but stands up and walks over to me with a warm smile. And before I even know what's going on, she has her arms wrapped around my neck and kisses me like there's no tomorrow.

Okay, you guys probably think I'm totally bonkers because I don't slap her silly on the spot, but… It feels so good after weeks without some mush. Still, I'm not a cheap slut and therefore try to stop this more than awkward situation.

"Cassy…mmh…s-stop! Ugh, fuck! S-stop it!"

She stops kissing me, alright. But only to whisper "Cassandra." And then continues sticking her tongue down my throat.

Softly, she lays me down on the bed and somehow I give in and simply succumb, feeling totally awesome and horny.

"You freed me! You finally freed me and gave me peace!" she speaks, her words still a fucking enigma for me. Not that I'm even able to solve a baby-puzzle anyway as her hand glides into my shorts and starts to play with my clit. "Lemme repay you that favor!"

To tell the truth, it feels good. And with good I mean fucking amazeballs! Because Cassy…Cassandra…whatever…takes her time. She teases me, finds the right spots. Hell, she even manages to find my g-spot and drags out my impending orgasm as long as possible.

"Oh Cass… Mmh!... I'm…I'm gonna… coooome!" I moan out loud as I come like I've never came before, clawing with my left hand into the bedsheets.

It takes me like – I dunno…maybe hours? – to finally come down from my high and get a grip of my surroundings.

"Cass?" I say, breathing heavily. But don't get an answer. "Cassandra?" I'm then calling out a bit louder and gaze around the room, only to find it dark, quiet and empty as before.

"Just a fucking dream!"

With a heavy sigh I let my head slump down onto the pillow again and realize just now that my right hand is buried deeply in my shorts. Slowly, I pull my index- and middle finger out of my still very sensitive pussy. Everything down there is drenched, not damp, simply fucking drenched.

Absently, I lick on my fingers to clean them – Well, what should I say, old kinks die hard – and start to think again. This time about my freakin' hot dream and Cassandra… and how intense I got off by just thinking about this hot goth-chick.

* * *

The next morning…

The entire last night, Cassandra was everything I could think of. I actually thought of her so much that I went another round playing with my pearl until I finally fell asleep.

And even now I can't get her out of my head. She's still there, like a manifestation. Yet, I don't know why.

Yes, I kinda have a little crush on her. Yes, she's sexy and perfect jerk-off material. Yes, I'm thinking about making her my loony-bin girl. But no, those aren't any fucking reasons to keep my mind busy all the time. Besides that I've kind of a bad feeling in my guts. So, I decide to finally break the silence and ask the doc about it. Which actually isn't easy for me since I would give him the impression that he has finally cracked me. But…ugh! But otherwise I'd go totally bonkers…literally.

Sadly, the first step's always the worst… Or the hardest…? Or both…? So, walking to his office alone takes me thirty minutes instead of five. And knocking on his door takes another five.

"Come in!" he orders and with a deep inhale I push down the handle and force my trembling being through the gap.

Doc Larsson sits at his desk, scribbling some shit in his notebook that he always carries around for quick notes. Befuddled he looks at me after he finally draws his attention to me.

"Chloe, what a surprise! How can I help you?"

The smile on his face is honest, not arrogant or victorious. Which gives me – again – the impression that he cares. Or maybe not. But right now, I don't give a fuck! I need to get this shit with Cassandra off my chest, because it's driving me insane.

Timidly, I wrap my arms around my body. I just don't feel like being badass, but brittle and edgy.

"Doc, I…I need your help!"

At first, I would've thought that he might go all aloof on me and would mention how good it is that I finally snap out of it, which would've probably put me into rage-mode right away, but no. Doc Larsson simply replies "Of course! Please…" and signs friendly at the comfy chair in front of his desk. "…sit down!"

I do as he told me and sit down, while he gets comfy too and readies his notebook.

"Okay Chloe, just tell me what's bothering you."

"Well,…" I start and abruptly hesitate as I kinda realize that I'm about to talk about some very intimate stuff. But does it matter right at that point? Should I give a fuck about that? It's not like there's much privacy here anyway. Still, I avert his gaze and start to blush, aaaand of course he notices right away…stupid wiseass shrinks!

"Take your time, and remember: whatever you say in this office stays in this office."

Though I know that he has somewhat sworn an oath to keep crispy details of his patients a secret, I still don't trust him. Which makes things even harder for me. I don't trust strangers. Never have, never will do, and especially no asshats. But what's the alternative? Bottom-line: there's none!

Fuck, I wish Katie or at least Mom would be here!

"I…uh…I kind wanna talk about Cassy."

For a brief moment I look up and – to my surprise – I see that Doc Larsson is entirely frozen, not scribbling anything down or something and that the mostly arrogant and superior demeanor of him had changed into some kind of stiff, non-readable expression that tells me that something's definitely fucked-up wrong.

"So," he then eventually answers with a fake cough, "you want to talk about your former roommate. Okay. What bothers you about her?"

He now looks at me, trying to act normal. But I see through his shitty façade and keep on staring at him, which makes him squirm in his seat out of discomfort. He's so hiding something from me, which pushes me instantly over the edge.

"Okay doc, spill!" I speak with a demanding tone and cross my arms. And for a fucking long moment we just keep on staring at each other, not giving each other even a freakin' quarter. If he thinks he can win this…well, I already pity his schedule, 'cause I've got all time in the world.

And then it happens. Sweet, sweet victory!

"Chloe," Larsson sighs and shakes his head in defeat.

Ha! Suck on this, motherfucker!

"If any, I would've wished to show you this when you'd have been better. But… Are you sure you want to hear this?"

Okay, now this bad feeling from last night is back again…tenfold! What the fuck is goin' on here?

I don't say anything, just stay stubborn as always, and that's it. More isn't necessary to make my opponent sigh in defeat once more. Then, he opens one of his drawers and pulls out a letter, which is packed in a plastic bag.

My quizzical frown shifts between the letter and Larsson, who reaches me the bagged envelope. Hesitantly, I reach for it and a second later it's in my possession. Without any resistance or another snarky comment.

Huh, I'm pretty much unused to that, but don't give any deeper shits about it since I finally wanna know what the hell is going on.

The zipper bag is quickly opened and the envelope in my hand. My name is written on it. And as far as I can tell, it's Cassy's writing. But… Why would she send me a letter?

Shit, this bad feeling in my stomach increases my breathing as well as my heartrate. Something inside tells me to not open that envelope, but my curiosity is way stronger and forces me to rip open the already been opened and resealed paper, unfold the sheet inside and read it.

_Dear beloved Chloe,_

_When you read these lines, I'm probably not around anymore and have gone to a better place…hopefully._

_Firstly, I wanna apologize for Cassy's rude behavior though it led to something very beautiful. This one beautiful moment we shared together freed me! It freed me from a life with shackles, where the only thing I could do was to watch how my body got abused to do horrible things. _

_I wish we would've met under different circumstances, without Cassy or this fucking loony bin. Because the short time we had together, I totally fell for you though I knew that it never would work out and this is why I'm ending it._

_Chloe, please don't blame yourself for this! I made this decision long before we met but only you gave me the power to finally make that wish coming true. _

_But just because I'm giving up doesn't mean that you should give up! I want you to fight! _

_Fight for your sanity! Fight the shrinks! And for fucks sake, fight for your love! I know you can do it, because if anyone, you're the one who can beat 'em! _

_I just wish you a happy life and will always remain in love,_

_Cassandra_

It's hard to read those last words on the tear-spilled and from my clenching grasp wrinkled paper through the blurry vail of tears that are leaking from my eyes.

A suicide note. A fucking SUICIDENOTE?! GODFUCKINGDAMNSHITSONOFABITCH!

"The police found her body two weeks ago at the beach. It's highly probable that she had jumped off the cliffs. She was carrying this letter sealed in her pocket.

Chloe, I want you to understand, and this is why I'm going to tell you who Cassandra really was and why she did what she did. You got that?"

What does he want me to say? I actually don't know what to think or say at all. Cassandra is gone and this makes me so fucking sad that I'd love to be alone right now. But on the other hand, I'd love to know what was really going on with her. So, I just nod and try to listen.

"Cassandra Ferryman had a strong split personality, which she had developed over several years of physical, psychical and sexual abuse. You can see it as some sort of a mental self-protection by putting a placeholder in charge while your true self retreats into the subconscious.

As far as we know, Cassandra's original personality got more and more suppressed by the placeholder, called Cassy as time went by and the torment continued, until only Cassy remained.

Approximately one year ago, her abusive family got killed in a fire. If it was her or just an accident…nobody knows. Seven weeks ago, however, she was brought here, because she had tried to commit suicide. And it wasn't the first time.

My theory is that Cassandra had managed to win the struggle with Cassy, several times and tried to end her misery, but failed. Until two weeks ago."

Cassy. Cassandra. One body, one split soul. I didn't know. But now her words make sense.

The dream. That letter. This was the real Cassandra and I helped her. I helped her to finally break free. But should I feel bad about it? Should I blame myself? I mean, she wanted it. No, she wished for it! She fought against Cassy and – as fucked up as it sounds – won the war. She broke free and I should do the same! I should fight against my fucking depression and get the fuck outta here!

So, I take a deep sniff, wipe my nose and cheeks with the back of my hand, say "See ya in group therapy, Doc!" and get the fuck back to my room to prepare myself to tear up some ass!

* * *

2 weeks later…

Group therapy.

Most people would think that it just sucks to be stuck in a room with a bunch of crazies. But truth be told: it's more soothing and entertaining than _Dr. Phil _and _Oprah _in a double-feature.

Firstly, everyone is sharing the same fucked up issue of being suicidal. And secondly, the stories behind those other peeps are pretty interesting. So, lemme you guys introduce to my group, starting to my left.

There's Steve. A 14-year-old sex- and porn addict, who used to jerk off ten times each day. Well, you might ask yourself what the freakin' hell he's doing in my suicidal group. As fucked as it might sound, but obviously, making their son suicidal was a better reputational choice for Steve's rich-as-fuck parents, than admitting that he's addicted to porn.

Then there's Clarence. He's a very chubby, 35-year-old pro-gamer and streamer, who still lives with his parents. When his WoW-account got banned, because some assholes hacked and abused it, he barricaded himself in his room for over a week, which almost got him killed, if the police hadn't cracked open the door and dragged him to the hospital, where he tried it again, calling himself the _Gandhi of gamers_. Ugh!

Next, there's Annabeth, short: Anna. She's the most fucked-up of us all. 17 years old, pierced and tattooed all over her body and needle-scars all over her arms and legs. As she couldn't afford her next dosage, she cut her wrists and went freely into therapy to get her hands on some meds. The thing is, she kinda likes it in here and refuses to go, underlining it by faking some other suicide attempts from time to time, and hell, is she creative.

Ever tried to kill yourself with a plastic fork or a steak?

Another mate is Kat, or Kathrine. Shy, wearing big glasses and her blond hair in a simple ponytail, she seems pretty inconspicuous. But boy, does she wear a heavy load for her tender age of 16. Abuse, bullying, plus the fact that she wants to be a boy… No wonder that she tried to jump off a bridge and right in front of a train. She became my new roommate 10 days ago and after some icebreaking we became good friends.

Last but not least, there's Erik, 13 years old. This poor guy lost his parents in a car crash and suffers from a heavy PTSD depression and wanted to join his folks by running in the middle of the highway. He survived and got brought here. I know how it feels to lose someone in a car accident and already talked with him about it. But he's far away from being okay and still needs a lot of time.

"Alright," says Doc Larsson as he starts the therapy, "let's talk about everyone's last week progress before we begin to discuss. Steve, why don't you start?"

"Uhm…y-yeah. Sure, Mr. Larsson, sir!" answers the lanky, red-haired dude nervously, blushing like hell, because just that you're a sex addict, doesn't mean that it's easy to talk about your masturbation behavior. "I…uh…I'm now down to twice a day and barely think about naked women."

Of course, everybody is clapping. That's simply plain curtesy.

"Very good, Steve!" praises Doc Larsson, making some notes in his notebook. "You made astonishing progress in the last two weeks. A very positive surprise!"

Aaaand stop!

Most of you guys – and Doc Dickhead himself – might think that this was only the doc's holy doings that encouraged Steve to stop wanking ten times a day, but actually, it was me!

Two weeks ago – after I had decided to blow up some shit here – I caught Steve as he tried to peep into the girl's bathroom. After some cheap excuses he finally confessed what's going on and I made a bargain with him: He would stop peeping on other girls and I would give him one of my panties. But this little creep was very clever. He offered me money plus the promise to stay away from the girl's bathroom permanently if I'd show him my tits.

Well, I'm not a girl who's shy about her body and actually don't give a fuck if someone sees my boobs…and some more cash always comes in handy. So, I just showed them to him.

But the big surprise came as he gave me a piece of paper, which showed that I was 2,000 bucks richer.

Holy fuck! I prostituted myself…and felt pretty shabby about it. But Steve simply refused to take the money back and, of course, wanted more…which was fucking annoying. So I had to come up with a solution to stop this. It took me some time and the realization that my body was the only leverage to outdo Steve's wealth and help him at the same time. Because – one day – his stupid addiction would get him in a lotta trouble.

So, we made a deal. If he manages to stop peeping at the girls and reduce his wanking back to once a day, I'd show him my bush. It was simple, it triggered him, it worked!

Chloe Price, the selfless hero, who could heal a sex addict with her pubic hair! Ha, suck on this, Doctor Dickhead!

But let's move on with the others.

"Clarence," addresses Doc Larsson our pro-gamer. "How are you doing?"

"I'm _kk_, Doc! At first I thought that I couldn't _frag_ that _OP_ depression. But, man, being here was mindblowing, like some _Tangos_ had planted some _C4_ in my mind…_kek_!"

Oh yeah, Big C – how he likes to be called – has a weird way to speak in some sorta gamer-language. Don't get me wrong, I like that nerdy stuff like fuck, but in my opinion he's really overdoing it!

"And what about the fact that your account has been permanently banned and all your game characters are lost?"

Oh fuck!

Though most people think that gamers might be stupid, Clarence simply isn't. He has an IQ of about 150 and graduated from college at the age of 16. Then, he became addicted to games and financed his stuff by doing some shady hacking-jobs.

Anyway, Big C always tries to get out of here by pretending that he's healed. But the Doc knows his Achilles heel and uses it to trigger him… Which often means a giant eruption, lol.

Did I mention that he's a choleric?

It takes some time, in which Big C becomes redder and redder until he explodes.

"Those fascist fuckers! I'm gonna-…FUCK!" he yells and jumps up. Sadly – or even funnily – he's so clumsy that he loses his balance, stumbles over his chair and drops to the ground like a giant mammoth. Right away, two male nurses pick him up and escort him back to his room. Every time, the same shit… like _Groundhog's Day_.

Well, Big C, looks like you gonna stay in here a bit longer. But moving on to Anna.

"Annabeth," the Doc sighs in desperation as he looks at the punky street-girl, who's just giving him a stinky eye while crossing her arms. "Yesterday, you tried to hurt yourself with a spoon. Why in god's name did you do that?"

Anna only huffs and puffs and…answers cynically like a total asshole that she is.

"Well, Doctor, geez! I feel so shitty. Life has no meaning. Bla-bla-bla…"

Ugh, how much I'd love to punch her right in the face!

"Okay Annabeth, I tried everything to cure your…_disorder_. How about we try a diet this week, hmm? Porridge for breakfast. Salad for lunch, and soup for dinner. I think that should work."

While most of the group and the Doc looks at her with a devilish grin, Anna groans in anger, gets up an leaves. Granted, putting her on such a shitty diet is mean, but fuck, she deserves it! She always makes fun of others and annoys us with her fucked up behavior. So…yeah, take this, bitch!

And now it's Kat's turn.

"Kathrine, as one of our new members and this being the first time really participating and not just watching our group, I'm simply asking you: How are you feeling right now?"

"S-scared… Very scared, Mr. Larsson," she answers shyly and I feel sorry right away for this poor thing. Immediately, I stand up and wrap my arm soothingly around her shoulder, though I'm not supposed to do that during this Q 'n' A round. Actually, she's so intimidated that poor Kat is grapping my arm tightly and starts to cry, burying her head deep into my shoulders. Well, looks like group therapy is over for her. But at least she showed up and said something. That's a huge fucking awesome step!

"It's okay to be scared, Kathrine. You shared your current feelings with this group and that's a huge step!"

See, what did I tell you guys!

But enough boasting. Let's move on to our last member, Erik.

"Erik, being this your first time in this group, you're free to watch and listen. But, if you want to say something, just go for it, buddy!"

_Buddy_?! Oh jeez, always when you think the doc couldn't make himself a bigger embarrassing dickhead, he tops it with shit like this! Erik is a cool kid and in some ways waaay more mature than most grown-ups…or even me.

I see that he wants to say something. That he's looking for some courage to speak. But, sadly, he just does what every-freakin'-one of us did during the first time: he cries. And I'm there for him, too. Hugging him and telling him some soothing words.

Fuck sometimes I have the feeling that I'm everyone's big sister in here… Well, except for Anna. She's just the life-sucking, scrounchin' far-off relative that you would like to get rid of by kicking her off the next cliff.

And then there it is, my moment. My few seconds in the spotlight before the real shit starts. Doc Dickhead gazes right at me with a shit-eating smile and I already predict that shit's gonna hit the fan, as he says "Last but not least, _Chloe_!" Just the way he pronounces my name let my shitstorm-is-on-its-way-radar go off like shit.

However…right the opposite happens.

"Since your participation in this group, you've made quite some progress. And I'm more than proud to announce that you've rightfully earned your ticket home!"

Do you guys know the feeling when something really awesome happened and you just wanna scream and shout out of joy, but you're so freakin' stunned that you can't just say one, little fucking word? Instead, my eyes are starting to leak, making my vision blur. I realize that the others are putting some applause to it…everyone, except Kat.

Shit! I know I should be happy, but as I realize that Kat is gonna stay alone in here, I feel actually sad as hell!

I look directly at her and see the hurt in her beautiful green, welled-up eyes. She's so fucking hurt right now and I can't blame her. Sobbing heavily she leaves the room and I follow her not a second later, not giving a shit about the Doc or the rest of the group.

Kat runs, she wants to get away, maybe…maybe even hurt herself!

Shit! I can't let that happen! Not on my watch, dude!

We end up in our room. And as I arrive, Kat is already rummaging for something in her bag: a small pocket-knife, nobody has found in the secret compartment of her bag… Well, except me who saw her fumbling with it the other night.

I hid it…between my panties. Not very creative, but at least nobody would dig through 'em… Well, except Steve. But he wouldn't dare. Not with that deal we have goin' on.

Kat is clever. She knows that I took it. But before she could go all Hulk on me, I wrap my arms around her skinny figure and brush with my hand over her blond hair.

She buries her face in my chest and sobs like there's no tomorrow, and I join in, feeling pretty shitty upon leaving her alone.

My dream came true: I'm gonna get outta here. But it has a bitter taste, making me wanna vomit on the entire universe!

* * *

A few hours later…

Sometimes, it doesn't need any words to comfort someone. I think there even was a band that sung about this. My dad used to listen to them now or then. But what was their name? Deep-… Depth-… Moron…? Ugh, I can't remember.

Anyway, after crying arm-in-arm for god-knows-how-long, Kat and I had moved to my bed and lay down. She snuggled close to me, while I give her soothing brushes.

"I wish I would've been a boy," she says out of nowhere, letting me just answer with scoffed "Why?"

"Because my step-father is a homophobe," is her plain, yet very heavily loaded answer. And I instantly know that I'm about to hear a story that could've been written by the wicked lord of the underworld himself. "He never would've touched or…or…f-fucked me. Just the beating, no fucking…that would've been nice."

"I'm so sorry!" is everything I manage to whisper before my voice breaks again and press her even closer to me. But it doesn't last that long, as Kat lifts herself a bit up to look directly into my eyes.

"You're the first person who actually cares about and protects me! Who actually makes me feel loved, and…that's what I do, Chloe. I love you!"

Okay, just a little question: Is it possible that every freakin' girl is falling in love with me? Steph, Katie, Cassandra and now even Kat?!

I mean, I get it. I'm the cute, sexy, punkish girl that could be the dick-magnet of a movie or videogame. Too fucked up to be the protagonist, but definitely the gal of your wet dreams. But life isn't a fucking movie or game, so…what the fucking hell?!

"Don't worry, Chloe," rips me Kat out of my train of thoughts as she lays back down on my shoulder and starts to draw random patterns on my chest, right above my boobs…which kinda turns me on. UGH! Stupid body! "I'm not like this. I-I don't even know if I'll ever be able to have a sexual relationship. Still, there are…needs and…and they scare me."

"Dude," I answer and try to keep my hormones under control, "Just give it some time and don't ever force yourself to anything! If you need some private time, then take your hand and go for it. If you don't, just don't. The important thing is to feel comfortable with it and not letting yourself talked into something you don't want."

And there it is: silence again.

Kat's very smart. She thinks about her words…if necessary for hours. But on the other hand, she's very unexperienced, though we have the same age.

"I've never done it to myself," she then mentions out of nowhere and, though I love sex, I kinda feel uncomfortable to talk with Kat about this stuff, since I see in her more a sister than a potential girlfriend. Still, I'm listening and focus on not letting things get out of hands.

"Well, then just do it! It's not much to it. Just go to the bathroom and rub away!"

"It's not that easy, Chloe!" With a loud sigh, Kat gets up and sits on the brim of my bed, her head bowed and her fingers fumbling with each other. "I-I'm scared that…that those memories will return. That I…think about…him. A-about what happened."

"Y'know…" I then answer, sitting up too, right beside her and pull that cute gal in for another hug. "Maybe you should start slowly. Just get some chill. Explore your body. And if everything goes swell, just keep on going."

"C-can you teach me?"

Okay, cards on the table: If I do as she asks, I won't be able to stop. Nu-uh! Brain off, urge for inefficient procreation, on. And if someone catches us, then shit will get real. Let alone that even the slightest shit – even a wrong touch – could fuck her up for good.

Nope! Hands off, Chloe!

"Kat," I sigh and break the embrace. "I…I can't. It would make things complicated and…"

"Is it because I'm ugly?"

"No! Fuck no!" is my immediate reply, and as I look at her again and brush over her cheek to underline my words, I almost get lost in her beauty. Fuck, this is bad! "Y-you're very beautiful a-and attractive a-and…"

I look away to break this enchanting aura of her that almost forces me to get busy with her. My breathing is heavy and my heart hammers in my chest. And of course I'm blushing like hell. Stupid body! Get your shit together, Price!

A deep breath, a big gulp and a huge wave of disappointment is everything that it needs to break this vicious spell at least for a moment to finally wrap this up by saying "Listen, Kat! You're very cute and beautiful. But…I-I don't think that a fucked-up punk-girl like me is what you need. Believe me, I love ya like a sister, but…not more."

I already prepare myself for a big meltdown. Her expression has become kinda unreadable for me. A good sign, because she thinks about her answer…which I receive a few seconds later as she gives me a peck on my lips.

"Thanks for you honesty, Chloe!" she then surprisingly says with a warm smile, almost letting me think that I missed something. But she really means it. "This is why you're the only person I trust in this place. You would never betray or use me for your own good." Then her smile vanishes and sadness takes over again. "And this is also why I'm so sad that you're leaving."

"Hey," I reply and rub her shoulder to give her at least a bit confidence. "I'm not gone for good! I'm gonna have a chat with the doc and convince him that you're allowed to call me any time you want!"

"Y-you think he'll allow that?"

This time I give her my characteristic, copyrighted smirk and answer "You betcha sweet ass he's gonna do that!"

* * *

Later that night…

As soon as the hot water hits my naked body I let out a long, quiet sigh. This will actually be my last shower in this establishment. So, I try to kinda enjoy it. But only a few minutes later I get remembered how much it sucks to be in a loony bin.

I hear how the door gets literally kicked open, then some rummaging and then a naked Anna steps boldly into the shower, not givin' a fuck that I'm standing there. She just shoves me aside and hogs the stream of hot water.

"Hey dude, what the fuck?!" I complain and angrily ogle her being from head to toe. And of course, she simply doesn't give a fuck about that.

"Listen sweetheart, you can either fuck me, keep on showering or just take a hike. Your choice!" she only replies and closes her eyes as she let the water run over her head.

Well…I'd have expected that she'd simply kick my butt out of the shower and that's it, but such an immoral offer…?

Once more I gaze over her body. Tatts, piercings, some scars, well-rounded butt and tits, and – since any form of blades isn't allowed in here – a slight hairy cunt. All-in-all a sweet piece of girl, _but_…

"I'd consider the first option, if you weren't such a giant asshole!"

From one second to another, Anna opens her eyes and stares at me with such an evil, intimidating glare that I'm almost about to regret my words… Almost!

"What did you just call me?" she hisses into my face, but I just cross my arms and repeat "Asshole!"

Faster and stronger than I'd given her credit, she put a tight grip around my neck and pins me against the wall. She leans in, our noses almost touching as her eyes still keeping at staring into mine.

Okay, now I'm regretting my words, 'cause I actually never considered that Anna might in fact be a fucking psycho. I try to keep my cool, but I actually can't hide how afraid I am at the moment. And, of course, she notices it and scoffs cynically.

"Just barks and no bite!"

Okay, that's it! You want a bite? Here we go, bitch!

I gather all of my remaining courage and swiftly grab her arm to push it away from my neck. Her fingernails scratch the skin a bit as she loses her grip and then I use my entire body to tackle her against the opposite wall. She groans as her body hits the cold tiles and I manage to twist her arm behind her back.

Now she's pinned to the wall…and doesn't like it, of course. But I just don't give a freakin' damn and just say "At least I've some dignity left, bitch!"

But what I just receive is somewhat of an eerie chuckle before Anna manages to free herself again. Surprised by this sudden move, I slip and land butt-first on the ground, a very vulnerable position, I might add. Yet, instead of beating the shit outta me, Anna sits down on my lap and softly wraps her arms around my neck. The evil glare has vanished and is now replaced by somewhat of a love-struck gaze.

What…the actual…fuck?!

"Y'know Chloe, once you've fallen so low how I did, there's no dignity left. You do everythin' for a shot. Handjob, blowjob, footjob, anal, pussy… You just sell your soul to get wasted. I can't even remember the last time I fucked just for fun."

Should I feel sorry for her now or just disgusted? I don't know, I don't care. And I have no intentions whatsoever to get busy with her.

"How about you act just for once nice and not like a totally fucked-up asshole? This would at least get you more credit and maybe a good fuck." I just say and try to free me from her grasp, but she holds on to me like a fucking tentacle monster from those crazy _Animes_ and starts to grind her cunt over my thighs.

"Maybe you're right," she whiffs, before she throws her head back and lets out a deep moan as she tries to get off on my lap.

No…fucking…way!

Feeling disgusted and abused, I push Anna of my body and let a hard smack follow. And while I get up and get ready for more, she just keeps on sitting on the tiled floor and starts to cry.

"I'm sorry…" she whispers between two sniffs and pulls her legs close to her body. Heavy sobs follow as Anna – the almighty badass from the streets – has her mental breakdown.

Of course, I don't know how to react at first, but then ignore all possible danger as my too-fucking-good heart takes over and I give her a soothing hug. And to my surprise, she takes the much needed comfort and cries out everything that she has probably summed up over the years.

* * *

Being the _cry-pillow_ and _suggestion box_ for the entire suicide-squad of this hospital is exhausting as fuck… Let alone that it's almost past midnight.

As soon as Anna had finally stopped bawling, I had the chance to finish my shower. Dressed in my pajama-ish shorts and top, I make my way towards mine and Kat's room.

I have almost reached it as a quiet "Pst, Chloe!" catches my attention…and I know exactly who it is and what he wants. Nonetheless I wanna play dumb, just in case he wants something different – and I'm so not planning on pushing his nose onto that topic!

So, rolling with my eyes and letting out a silent groan I turn around to see Steve, peeping through the gap of his slightly ajar door.

"Hey Steve, 'sup?" I whisper as I move closer, cautiously taking a look around that no nurse catches me that late at night, talking with another patient. Alone, I could still say that I used the bathroom, but talking with Steve…? That's just bad you-you!

Sadly, I'm also too fucking tired to react as he grabs me by my top and pulls me quickly into his room. I stumble in and all I hear behind me is a click as the falls into the lock again.

Ugh, dammit! Not again!

"Y-you promised me something, Chloe!" he says with a shaky voice and as I look at him, I see that he's somewhat pretty much fucked-up and edgy…and has a boner in his pajama pants. Blech!

"Dude, it's late. Can't we just…?"

"We had a fucking deal!" is his whisper-yelled reply before I could even finish my sentence. "You promised that I'd see your pussy, if I cut my wanking to once a day."

"You're down to twice a day, hotshot!" I correct him plainly, crossing my arms. "And it was just my bush, not my pussy!"

"I haven't jerked off the whole day!" he screeches – See, told ya he's edgy – and then adds in a pleading tone "Isn't this at least worth a bonus?"

No, it actually isn't. Still, I'm so tired and just wanna go to bed. So, I groan in annoyance and pull down my shorts a bit to show him my crotch.

His eyes sparkle, his jaw drops and…he reaches in his pants and starts to jerk his dick.

"Blech! Can't you little creep just wait until I'm gone?" I blurt at him, pull up my shorts and shove him aside to eventually leave his fucking room.

Shiiiit! Why is this night so fucked up? Lucky for me I'm pretty much at peace with my sexuality, so that such crazy shit doesn't make me go totally bonkers.

As I reach my room, I press my internal delete-button and try to forget those past few hours. Then I finally lie down, pull the cover up to my chin, close my eyes and get ready to sleep.

However, in the silence of the night I hear rustle of fabric, some squishy sounds and Kat's heavy breathing. I slowly turn my sight towards her and see – now that my eyes got used to the darkness – that the blanket above her nether region moves rhythmically.

Well, looks like she already got comfortable with her body.

With a slight smirk on my face, I turn around and try to give her at least a bit privacy. But only after a slightly louder moan signs her orgasm, I'm finally able to fall asleep, knowing that my Kat is alright.


	5. Life is a Rollercoaster

**Life is…a Rollercoaster**

Freedom at last!

The day has come to finally grab my stuff and get da fuck outta this place!

The morning procedure is still the same, but right after breakfast I pack my bag and saunter to the exit. But before I bail, the big, sad Goodbye needs to happen.

Granted, I'm gonna miss some of that loony guys.

Creepy Steve…Never gonna shake his hand!

Big C…Gonna miss his hilarious outbreaks.

Anna…Nope, not gonna miss that insane cunt!

Erik…Hope this little squirt is gonna be okay.

Kat…What is there to say?

Tears are flowing as we say goodbye to each other. I'm gonna miss her so much! Thankfully, Doc Larsson has agreed that she can call me whenever she feels the need.

"Kat," I say, sniffing up some snot. "Whenever you call, I promise to pick up, no matter what! I'm never gonna go silent on you!"

"Never promise what you can't hold, Chloe!" she answers with a weak smile, her deep sadness chiming with her words. But to underline my words, I give her what she wanted last night and get from me as a sign of trust: a real kiss.

I sense how her body gets stiff. How she's so surprised by this that she even stops breathing. How the others stare at us – not that I give a shit about that. But this isn't a kiss of passion, yet sisterly love.

Still, I only leave her warm, soft lips with reluctance, 'cause – damn! – I get sisterly horny from 'em!

One last time I hug her like crazy and then eventually grab my bag, leaving the loony bin and its lovely, not so lovely and entirely bonkers people behind.

* * *

Sometimes, when you think life can't get any sweeter than a fucking strawberry-cheesecake, someone – or something – comes around the corner and puts a freakin' inch of sugared, vanilla-flavored wiped cream on it!

I have just left the psycho-department of the hospital, as I see my mom, waiting for me in the lobby. And as much as I don't want to, my eyes start to leak.

Gosh, I never thought that I'd miss her so much! But the day she had taken my side and defended me against Corporal Cockblocker, literally rocked our relationship.

Speaking of him: Where the heck is Deputy Doushbag? But…pft, who cares?!

We both embrace each other. Just smelling her scent and feeling her motherly warmth let me bawl out of relief…and mom can't hold back as well. We both sniff. We both sob. I love my mom and I'm so sorry for the time I was nothing more to her than a nuisance.

"C'mon, let's get you home, sweetie!" she then says after calming down enough. Me, on the other hand, just nod and wipe the snot outta my face.

Then, we walk back to the parking lot and…get into a new car?! What the hell? I expected David's ugly, artificial dick and not a neat yet old truck.

Of course, Mom realizes how I ogle that new ride with my big, questioning look and says "Get in, Chloe. I'll explain everything to you."

It's spacy, it's loud, it's the vehicle of my wet dreams. And it even gets better as mom finally drops the bomb.

"I broke up with David."

It was like Christmas, Eastern and Birthday on one fucking day! Halle-fucking-lujah!

C'mon, guys, let's sing along!

Mom broke up with David! Mom broke up with David! Mom broke up with David!

Gimme an _awe_! Gimme a _some_! Gimme a _sauce_! AWE-SOME-SAUCE!

"Chloe?!" interrupts my mom's strict voice the carnival in my head. "Are you even listening?"

"S-sorry!" I reply, looking out of the window to hide my shit-eating smirk. "I'm…I'm kinda tired. Last night wasn't that swell."

She gives me her famous sigh of annoyance – Guess not everything changes – and then tells her story again. But this time, I'm listening.

"Right after we brought you back to the hospital, David couldn't stop complaining about you. Even after I'd told him to finally give it a rest, he kept on ranting. And as he brought brochures from boarding schools and military academies it was just too much. I told him that, if he doesn't accept you like you are, he can leave…and that's what he did."

I see the hurt in her face; the tears at the brim of her eyes. Mom is hurting and…it hurts me. Fucking David! How could he do this to her?! I hope his dick starts to wrinkle and is gonna fall off!

"I'm sorry!" I say, truly meaning it. In some ways, I know that this is partially also my fault. All those fights, those provoking taunts. I think I overdid it. I corned him and now…

"It's not your fault, Chloe!" throws Joyce between my thoughts like a stick in my legs, making me hit the mental ground hard. "David had his way to deal with things. Which wasn't good for you and I didn't see it, until…" She sighs, probably feels guilty.

Damn! That's a really fucked situation and we could probably play the blame-game until kingdom's come. But this wouldn't help anyone. We all had our part in it and now have to live with our decisions. So, I lay my hand on my mom's thigh and give her an honest smile.

"Mom, I don't blame you and you shouldn't blame yourself either, okay?"

"And neither should you!" she adds, and in return, lays her hand on mine.

Fuck, this is a real mother-daughter-moment! It feels kinda weird, yet cool. And if we wouldn't be on the road, I would hug her senseless.

* * *

Home, sweet home!

And now that Doofus David is gone, it's actually true again.

Still, it's weird to be back after so many weeks without any contact to Mom or any of my friends. But that's what I wanted. I wanted to go through this by myself. Without any pity, without any visits, without any awareness of the shit that's goin' on in this crappy world.

As I enter my room after god-knows-how-many-weeks, it…hasn't changed at all. Everything's still at the same spot, except for a pile of letters and my phone on my desk.

The first thing I do is to throw my bag in my dirty-laundry-corner and walk over to my desk and slump down on the chair.

Most of correspondences are letters from Blackhell and some get-well-cards. Not being in the mood to read this pity-crap, I toss it in one of the drawers – probably forgettin' about it for a long time – and continue with my phone, which I had Doc Dickhead given my mom.

Being out of commission for such a long time, I plug in the charger and fire it up. It takes some time, but eventually it shows me that I've a lotta missed calls and a shitton unread messages on it. Just seeing this fuckload lets me just sigh and throw the phone back on the desk before I move my sexy yet lazy body onto my bed.

There, I keep on staring at the ceiling and just enjoy the silence. You can't even imagine how quiet it is in comparison to a hospital. No screams, no constant chatter, no beeping machines, no annoying check-ups, no group therapy, no appointments…just silence with a few sounds of nature in the background. I close my eyes and simply keep my mind drifting, thinking about various things that just pop up in my brain.

Mom's at work, but that's fine. Need that space anyway.

I think about some of my former, fellow inmates.

Cassy…I hope she's in a better place now.

Anna…rot in hell, bitch! Though I somehow hope that the breakdown she had, finally screwed her head right.

And then there's Kat, my cute sister. Though, my mind quickly slips into incestuous thoughts as I remember yesterday. And somehow I ask myself: Is it really that bad to have kinky thoughts about her as long as I keep my distance? Y'know, look but don't touch kinda style.

Before, however, I get the chance to answer that, I realize that my hand has already slipped into my pants and was rubbing the fuck outta my pussy… And it feels soooo good!

No need to be discrete or quiet anymore. No danger to get caught. Privacy at last! So, I literally rip the clothes off my body and give in to my big pile of summed-up urges. My mind starts to drift again and suddenly, Steph appears in my sight.

Steph. My sweet Steph! I start to think about our first time at the cliffs and all those numerous great sexual endeavors that followed. I'm home alone, so I let out my moans as they come, until I come.

Fuuuck, I so needed that!

What follows, is quietness. I breathe like I've been running miles. My body is all sweaty and my mind keeps on spinning like riding a rollercoaster on alcohol.

Steph…

Haven't thought about her for weeks, too busy gettin' my head straight again. Now I realize how much I miss her. True, we didn't part in peace, but… Fuck, so much time went by. She must've forgiven me by now. Or at least calmed down enough, so we could talk again, and maybe give us another chance.

Truth be told: I still love her and want her back. Hopefully, she wants the same.

* * *

The walk through Arcadia Bay is actually pretty nice. The autumn-weather is still warm and sunny. Now and then a fresh, salty breeze of wind brushes through my hair. No people around, since it's the middle of the day.

Freshly showered and styled…well, I just shaved my armpits and put on a fresh shirt and my black hoodie…I'm on my way to Blackwell. It's almost lunch break, so I hope to catch Steph and have a chat with her. No pressure, though. Just a nice talk and maybe some lunch to rekindle and make up for that fucked up shit I did.

When I've finally arrived at Blackhell, the courtyard is already crowded as hell by students who want to enjoy the last warm days of this slowly but surely passing year. But being back isn't as great as most of you might imagine it. I think, everybody knows what happened to me and where I've been those last months. They ogle me. Whisper and snicker. The only one who doesn't is Victoria Chase, who seems to be on her own. No minions or Vortex bitches around. Strange!

But you guys know me. I simply try to don't give a shit about the others! I'm only focused on finding Steph, who I spot by the picnic tables, playing D 'n' D with Mikey. And as soon as our sights connect, she freezes in her doings, just keepin' on staring at me.

I smirk, her jaw drops. I walk towards her, she jumps up and runs towards me. But what we both do, is hugging the shit outta each other.

"Hi Steph!" I say quietly as I try to hold back some tears. I feel how she's pressing me closer. A very good sign! Maybe this will really work out between us.

"I missed you, Chlo!" she replies and breaks our embrace. "Since when are you out?"

"Just this morning. Listen Steph, I…uh…"

"Let's go to my room and talk, okay?" she interrupts my started apology and leads me kinda quickly towards the dorms. At least I got the chance to shout a holla to Mikey. So…why are we heading for the dorms already? I mean, we could still have a chat outside 'n' stuff. Or is it possible that she wants to… Nah, this would be just too awesome. Although…

"So, how are you?" chimes Steph's beautiful voice and disturbs my beginning smutty thoughts…probably for the best.

"I'm good. Free at last, I guess."

"And…mentally?"

This question came out cautious and quiet, like she fears she might trigger something. But it's okay. Steph worries about me and that's totally fine.

"Actually, pretty good. I found my chill, learned to accept stuff I can't influence. Y'know…"

"I'm glad," is her simple answer, paired with a soft touch on my shoulder and a…kinda strange smile.

Okay, guys, something's pretty off here. Steph acts…strange. She seems so nervous and distant. Maybe she doesn't know yet how to handle me. Maybe our fight broke more than I'd thought. Maybe she's horny as fuck and can't hold back any longer…

Thank goodness that we finally arrive at her room. She unlocks it and we enter. Everything feels so awkward. So…wrong.

"Please, sit! Want some soda?" she says, almost overdoing it with her hospitality. But I agree and slump down on her sofa while she gets me my drink.

I take a look around her room. Not much has changed…besides some more photos on the wall. Since when does Steph have a knack for vintage Polaroid pictures? Ugh, I'm probably flippin' my shit here. And this really awkward silence between us doesn't mean anything. Right? RIGHT?!

"Chloe, there's something…" she starts to tell nervously, avoiding my gaze, but then her phone goes off. She takes it out of her pocket and says "Sorry, I've gotta take this!" before answering the call and retreating to the other end of the room.

Like if I can't hear her that few feet farther away. Duh!

"Hey, Max! 'sup?"

Max?! What the…?

"Yeah, I'm good. Listen, did you know that Chloe is out of the hospital?... No… No, not yet… But…"

Steph lets out a deep sigh and then turns towards me, somewhat of a sad and afraid look, before she reaches me her phone. I take silently, having a really bad feeling in my guts.

"Uh…hello?"

"_Chloe? I-it's me…Max! Gosh, I'm so happy that you're back!"_

My voice is calm, steady…maybe with a slight undertone of fear. Deep inside I'm glad to hear my little geek, here.

"Hey Maxi! Thanks and uhh… How's it going?"

"_Oh, I'm good. I applied for Blackwell, next semester!"_

I'm happy.

"Hey dude, that's great! Maybe, we'll have some classes together and blow some shit up."

"_Arrgh! The Arrrrcadia Bay pirates arrrrgh back in action!"_

I'm laughing, feeling totally giddy.

"Oh man, Captain Bluebeard and Long Max Silver back in action. This is gonna be so awesome!"

"_Yeah, but…there's…there's something else you need to know."_

I know my Max. Her insecure voice tells me that I'm about to hear something I'm not gonna like. Now I feel anxious.

"O-okay…"

"_S-Steph…um…Steph and I…"_

Don't, Max! Please, don't!

"…_we're kinda dating."_

The bomb got dropped and explodes in my mind. I freeze, my hand clenching around the phone.

"_Chloe?"_

I look at Steph, who sits on her bed, timidly avoiding my gaze. She already has a bad conscious.

"_Chlo, listen! I-it just somehow happened, a-and…"_

I cancel the call, not in the mood of hearing some cheap excuses. My sight is still fixed on Steph, who finally decides to make eye contact again. But as me, she stays silent. I know I'm in shock, my mind doing its rollercoaster-thing again, but Steph…? Why's she acting like this? Is she sorry? If she knew how I might react on this, then why did she do it in the first place?

This silence… This fucking silence is driving me nuts! I can't take this anymore! So, I do what I always do in such situations: I run away. Or at least, I wanna…if Steph wouldn't have closed the door again in front of me.

"Chloe, please, lemme explain!"

I just scoff, not able to hold back my cynicism.

"What's there to explain? You and my best friend are dating, period. Guess that's pretty obvious."

"Please don't act like that," she tries to scold me, but I'm not in the mood to get scolded. Not from her!

"Oh, what do you want me to do, huh?! Roll over? To be happy for you two?" I blurt back, feeling the rage inside me boiling like a hot ocean of lava. But I mustn't let it take over control!

Luckily, Steph's smart. Very smart. She knows when to start a fight and when not to. "Chloe…" she sighs with a headshake and I know what she wants, but as I already said: I'm not in the mood for cheap excuses. And I think she understood it as she lets me open the door without any resistance.

"I accept it," I answer her plainly, stopping one last time without turning around. "But that doesn't mean that I have to like it."

* * *

Everything's a blur. My mind fights this inner darkness that tries to take over.

Damn, I knew that life wouldn't go easy on me, but gettin' it stuck to me so soon…? Well, let's just say that I never expected such a pile of shit right after being out again.

Actually, I don't know how to deal with this shitton of feelings. Should I feel mad…? …or sad? …or hurt? …or should I simply give a fuck?

Back in the old days, I simply would've raged and be pissed of like hell, only to treat it with a big fucking joint. But since I stopped smoking this shit and my unpleasant visit at the looney bin, I developed the habit of categorizing and evaluate my feelings. It helps me to unwind them. To channel my angers and rage into finding and solving the problems, instead of just ignoring them or to blame others.

At least, that's the theory. And I thought I would get some time to practice it, not going all in on my first day.

I end up at the beach, though I don't even remember how I got there, slump down on the sand and watch the waves, crushing onto the land.

The salty wind, the sound of the ocean, screeching seagulls…it all calms my mind. Helps me to think straight. I'm actually so deep in thoughts that I don't even realize how someone approaches me until said person suddenly sits down beside me, a little pup joining in as well.

"So, you're finally out of the can, Price?"

"Hospital, Frank. I never was in jail," I answer and turn my sight towards Frank Bowers, who looks at the ocean as well, smoking a joint and petting his little – and gorgeously cute – doggy. The bittersweet stench of burning weed crawls up my nose as he holds the blunt in front of my face.

Politely, but adamant I refuse by shaking my head, making him chuckle. Sorry, Frank, I'm not your costumer anymore.

"So, whassup with the long face?" he asks, once more surprised that he even cares about me. But maybe he's a better person than his badass street-cred makes him look like.

"Well, I just found out that my ex started dating my best friend while I was in the looney bin." I tell him plainly, and get a typical bold answer.

"So?"

"So?!" I blurt back, trying hard not to rant about this shitty, unfair world. But Frank… Well, he isn't even impressed by my outbreak and just shrugs.

"Yeah, so? You two broke up, right? So, what's the problem of her moving on?"

"Yeah, but… Ugh, fuck!"

I let my body fall onto the sand and stare at the blue, lightly clouded sky. His words make sense…as always. Ugh! Steph and I indeed had broken up. Judging her for moving on would really be a dickmove, but… Why Max? Why of all that gals, her?

"What about your damsel in distress?"

My whaaaat?!

Quizzically I look at my ex-dealer with a frown, which causes him to groan in annoyance and gimme a soft slap on my head. OUCH!

"Idiot! I man this little religious nut-job you saved."

Katie! My little Katie! Out of a sudden, my mind gets flooded by a hellova lot memories, like Frank had bombed open the floodgates. And there it is again: this warm and amazing feeling in my stomach. A feeling I've never felt for someone else. A feeling that lets me touch my belly and paints a smile on my face. But also has this bittersweet aftertaste.

"Nah, man! Kate's about to become a nun. Y'know, celibacy 'n' shit."

With another scoff he stands up, brushes the sand off his pants and says "Wouldn't stop me. Pompidou, come!"

And then, he's gone again…like the last time. Like every time. That's his style. And again it's my part to think about his words.

* * *

"Chloe, no!" scolds my mom, her hands resting on her hips. "Kate's parents were very adamant about this. Janine even threatened me with a lawsuit if I wouldn't keep you away from her daughter."

"And you listen to this bigot bitch?!" I yell, not believing what I'm hearing from my mother. But you guys know Joyce…and sadly so do I.

"Listen, sweetie," she then says calmly, but with determination. She doesn't want a fight, neither do I. "I know how much you care about Kate, but…she also has made her own decision as she went to the convent."

"She did it out of desperation, because she thought I would never answer her feelings!"

Mom sighs in defeat, lacking any other words that wouldn't start a heated discussion. She knows me. Knows my stubbornness. Knows that I give a fuck about legal consequences. She knows that she can't stop me. So, she takes the only option left.

She takes her purse from the counter, pulls out her car keys and drops them into the bowl in the living room. With wide open eyes I watch how she simply heads for the front door, calling out "I'm off to work. It's a beautiful day, so I'll walk. If you have some time, please take the truck and get some groceries! Maybe you can refuel it when you're at it. There should be enough money left in the bible. Bye, sweetie!"

The door falls into the lock and I'm alone, entirely befuddled about what just happened. Slowly, my mind recovers and I walk over to the bookshelf. As I open the old bible, I almost fall from my grace. In it are 1,000 bucks.

Money, truck and a blank check. Holy fuck! Mom just indirectly allowed me to take her ride and go to Katie.

My phone chimes and as I read the message I almost scream out of joy.

_Take care and good luck, sweetie! Please bring the truck back in one piece and regard the traffic rules!_

_Kisses and a big hug, Mom._

A tear rolls down my cheek while I smile at the display.

_Best Mum 4e! Luv ya! _I write back and immediately run upstairs into my room to pack some stuff.

Money, keys, my stuff, some supplies. Katie, here I come!

…but, where to?

Shit, I totally forgot that I don't even know Kate's address. Fuck!

Mom probably doesn't know. Her parents won't tell me, even if hell freezes over. Under all those calls and messages was not even one from Kate. She possibly wasn't allowed to contact anyone others than her parents and sisters.

Wait! That's it!

Carla, Kate's younger sister should know where she is. Hmm…looks like my first destination is St. Mary's school for Catholic indoctrination.


	6. Life is a Sin

**Life is…a Sin**

Granted, I – somehow – always was the girl who has good grades. So good, that Mom and Dad even had discussed to send me to an elite boarding school. And with that I mean a school with uniforms 'n' shit. But it never happened, since **I **never wanted to bail on Max.

Fuckin' irony, isn't it?

Anyway, St. Mary's is almost the same: school uniforms, strict rules, no fun. Though instead of tomorrow's future, they mostly breed bigot nut-jobs like Kate's mom.

Well, gladly the propaganda doesn't seem to work on Kate and her sisters, who are actually awesomely cool!

My plan is pretty simple: get your ass inside, search Carla and ask her about Kate's whereabouts. She will definitely gimme the answer, no doubt there, but getting close to her to even ask the question is a whole different story. Problem is: access to the school grounds is highly restricted. So, the only way to get in touch is, when she leaves to head home. This is also difficult because she and Lynn are getting picked up by their mom or dad.

Okay, I'll admit it: my chances are pretty much fucked, yet I won't give up! I just can't. There has to be one freakin' chance to talk with Carla…just a minute would suffice.

So, like a creeper I saunter up and down along the school's fence, which separate's real-world sanity from odd, bigot insanity, only leaving my post to get me some grub. And then a well-known, much beloved sound chimes: the school's bell that signs the beginning of the lunch-break.

The doors fly open like a floodgate and kids are storming the courtyard like a swarm of angry Zergs on steroids… Well, at least they're trying, until they're gettin' immediately cock-blocked by a bunch of stuck-up teachers.

Oh, did I mention that this is a girls-only-school? So, no wonder that Kate became a lezzy by all this cuteness. Shy catholic school-girls in uniform like in those Animes? Praised be Jesus! Fuckdammit, I already consider to convert and enlist in this school!

But enough of those cheap porn-movie thoughts! Let's focus on your mission again, Miss Smutty Wet-Pants!

Trying to be as inconspicuous as possible, I scan every girl on the yard. Lotsa girls, no Carla or Lynn, making me think that this is the wrong school, until a familiar voice startles the shit outta me. Must be some sorta Marsh-family-thingy.

"Chloe?"

On the other side of the iron fence stands little Lynn Marsh with her cackling friends, staring at me with big eyes, like I'm the freakin' boogieman. And now it dawns to me that her mom probably told her kids and every other poor soul in her community lotta shit about me. Which gets confirmed as one of her friends, a little black-haired girl whispers…okay, she tried to whisper, but it was so loud that even I could hear it…"Is that this sinful girl that tried to touch your sister in indecent spots?"

But like Katie and Carla, Lynn is very smart and doesn't believe every bullcrap her mom tells her.

"No, she didn't," is her determined answer, which fills my heart with joy, because this awesome girl defends me and therefore makes a stand against her mom. "She might be strange, but has a kind heart. Kate likes her very much and so do I and Carla."

"Hey Lynn, thanks for the flowers, dude! How's it goin'?" I say with a wry smirk, but little Lynn stays serious.

"Actually…I'm not supposed to talk with you." is her timid answer, which doesn't really surprise me. And genius Chloe already has the right reply for that.

"Well… _Actually_, you're talking with nobody, yet have an epiphany that you wanna show your sister somethin' that you found in the bushes over there."

A sign to the green, dense bushes at the fence close-by, an added wink, plus a toothy grin aaaand off she goes! Smart kiddo!

"But she did talk to you! You're a liar!"

Okay, that this black-haired bi-… I mean: the black-haired dipshi-… Ugh! This stupid cun-… Uh…this awesomely annoying…um…GIRL would make some trouble was already clear as glass. So, play it cool, Chloe!

"Nobody likes wiseasses, Miss Smartiepants! Now, beat it!"

Subtle, Chloe… Very subtle. UGH!

"I'm gonna tell Miss Mavis that you said a bad potty-word!"

I just watch her running away along with all the others, probably getting the next teacher available. Shit! Let's hope Lynn finds Carla quickly or else I'm gonna be in big trouble.

So, I hastily make my way to the bushes…no pun intended…and wait, keeping my eyes peeled for trouble. But luck is on my side as Carla breaks through the thicket. But she also doesn't seem to be very happy to see me.

"Lynn is trying to hold of Miss Mavis as long as possible, so make it quick!"

Her boldness, paired with her crossed arms surprises me. Does she also think that I'm a bad influence on her older sister? Did Janine's propaganda work on them? Is she even gonna tell me Kate's whereabouts?

"Uh… Hi Carla!" I start, scratching the back of my neck insecurely since I don't know her status towards me. And again, her boldness takes me aback.

"Chloe, my Mom is literally gonna kill us if she finds out that we talked to you. So just say what you want and…"

"I wanna know where Kate is."

Well, she wanted me to be quick, so I didn't waste any time and got to the point. Now also being a bit surprised, she stares at me for a short moment. I can see in her blinking eyes that she already found out what my intentions are.

"Hey! You there!" it suddenly yells over the courtyard. Shit, looks like time's over. Lynn did her best, but at her age, it's as good as you can do.

Out of a sudden, Carla steps closer to the fence, grabs my arm through it and pulls me closer.

"_Holy George Convent_ near Longview, Washington," she whispers and puts a faint peck on my cheek, adding "Good luck!" before she disappears in the foliage again, out of sight of her teacher.

Yup, she still likes me! But speaking of teacher…time to bail!

"HEY! Hold it right there!" I hear her yell behind me as I run towards my mom's truck and hit the gas. Well, looks like I got a roadtrip to a gas station in Longview, Washington State ahead of me.

* * *

One day and a shitton of driving later…

Holy George Convent, near Longview, Washington

In my imagination, I always painted the standard _nun-bunker _as a fancy, cathedral-like building with some houses around it and a battalion of rigid old nuns patrolling the premises.

In reality, it's more like a mansion-like complex, pretty close being similar to Blackhell. A courtyard, a main building in brick stone attire for administration and classrooms, a dormitory, a gym and even a greenhouse...Boom! You got your convent.

The only difference towards Blackwell is the fortress-like wall around the property with only one giant-ass gate with a guard-house beside it as an access. So, getting in there won't be easy, but…that doesn't mean that I won't try it the easy way, because, primarily, I simply wanna talk to my Katie, not elope with her. Or at least, not right away.

So, instead of sneakin' in, I'm gonna be honest and polite and knock at the door and tell them, that I wanna visit Kate.

Said and done!

I park the truck on the parking lot, probably already drawing some attention, and then make my way to the gate with my big backpack slung over my shoulder.

Of course, the gate is guarded by a limp-dick mall-cop like dickhead David, whereas this one doesn't take his job that serious, hence he just sits bored like hell in his small room and reads a porn-magazine…probably for the umpteenth time.

"Hey! Jo!" I yell in the speaker, almost throwing him out of his chair as he gets startled like crazy. And I can't even suppress a chuckle.

A bit pissed, but still way too bored to be angry, the guard just frowns at me, saying "How can I help you?"

"Um…hi!" I respond, "I'm here for a visit."

No need to already mention names, 'cause I don't know if I'm already set on a black-list by Kate's mom.

"Sorry, Miss. Visits only possible with an appointment. No visits are listed today, so,…" He suddenly looks on a sheet on his desk and then back to me…several times. "Oh…you mean _visit_."

Uuh…whaaaa'?!

"Please report to the administration, Building A, Miss Baker!"

The small gate at the guard building opens. In my head, a choir of angels starts to sing and the entrance gets enlightened by a holy shine. For a small glimpse of a moment, I think about telling the wannabe cop that I'm not this _Miss Baker_, but then again…

I heard what he said before and if Miss Baker has a ticket to access this tight as fuck bunker, then why shouldn't I borrow her place and get to my Katie? If something goes wrong, I can still improvise and bail. Easy-peasy! So, I decide to take the juicy bone like a starving dog in dire need for something to eat… Actually, I really have a need to eat something…mega-pun here!

"Thanks, dude!" I eventually say with a toothy grin, shoulder my pack and saunter towards the main building.

* * *

Like at Blackhell, nobody is strolling around the premise during classes. The courtyard, the hallways, just everything is deserted like a graveyard. Though at this place, it's way eerier.

After a short walk I reach the administration, and so far, I'm pretty much surprised. Everything looks normal, apart from your common crosses around every corner, and the countless biblestory-pictures of saints 'n' sinners. And as I enter the office, it still looks like everywhere else. Even the nun behind the desk wears somewhat normal garments, consisting of a dark-blue blazer and skirt, not that cloths you normally see in the movies.

Actually, she's pretty cute! Straw-blond long hair, bound into a ponytail. Glasses, a few freckles, and a real cutie-face…just FUUUCK! Looks like I have a kink for those bible-chicks.

"Good day! How can I help you?" she asks monotonously, but in a nice tone, letting me snap out of my stupor of horniness.

"Uuh…hi!" I say in response, trying to stay focused so that I won't babble out who I really am. "Baker, my name. I…"

"Oh yes, Miss Baker, our new applicant!" she says with a friendly smile and starts to rummage through a pile of files.

APPLICANT?! Oh, fuck!

She then pulls out one of the folders and opens it, frowning as she compares my appearance with the photo of a grumpy-lookin' blond girl, who doesn't in the slightest look like me. Oh, I'm so fucked! Talk for your life, Chloe!

"Uh…it's an old photo. Dunno why they put it in there."

I add my sweetest grin – which probably looks more horrifying than cute – and am totally surprised that it works out.

"Oh! Well…Then please, take a seat while I call Matron Corwin!"

MATRON?! Oh, I'm so royally fucked! Let's hope that this sister can't read my entirely fucked-over demeanor. Just keep your cool, Chloe! You got this!

"Miss Baker!" it chimes from the door a minute later with such an authoritarian voice that even I stand up right away, staring with awe at a woman in her fifties, who has her black, partially gray hair also bound into a strict ponytail. Her absolutely thin appearance, plus this stinging cold glare complete the picture of a typical cunt with a freakin' stick up her ass that you don't wanna fuck with. "I am Arlene Corwin, matron and headmaster of this convent. And you already made the acquaintance of Sister Helen," she says, which I answer with another toothy grin and a stretched out hand.

"Uh, hoya, Mrs. Corwin! I'm…OUCH!"

She grabs my hand, alright, but so swiftly and with such strength that tears are leaking outta my eyes as the pain overwhelms me. And it doesn't get better as she hisses her bad breath into my face. BLECH!

"We don't say _hoya_ and we don't shake hands! It is good morning, good day, good evening and good night and your hands serve only two purposes: to work and to pray! And whenever you address a fellow sister, it's with the prefix _Sister_! Sister Corwin, Sister Helen or in your case, Sister Violet Baker. Are we clear?"

Okay Chloe, calm down! Suppress your inner punk and stay cool! You can do this…for Kate! Gosh, just imagining that my poor Katie has to live with such a hag under one roof…RAGE!

"Uh…yeah…sure. Can I have my hand back now…please…Sister Corwin? 'cause I need it to pray and work."

I can see the twitches in her right eye as I give her my pissed off glare. She so doesn't like me and I'm kinda proud of it. Honestly, I'd love to push her some more, but this wouldn't bring me any closer to Katie yet more into trouble. So…peace out, Chlo!

With gritted teeth and a scowl she finally lets go of my hand and straightens her body – probably to regain her composure – and then turns on the spot, mentioning "Well, you will soon learn our rules and ways. Now please, follow me!"

Without another word – 'cause silence is gold 'n' shit – I shoulder my big backpack again and follow her, just letting her swell of words flush over me.

"It's still a mystery to me, why the council started this program or why you decided to go this way. But I tell you right away, this won't be an easy trip. I will make sure that you either fit in or be out of here. I'll bring you to your class now. Treat everyone with respect, obey the rules and live the Lord's way and we will get along fine."

The rest of the way she thankfully keeps her pie-hole shut. I just wonder what that program might be and – since they buy that I'm this Violet-chick – what in the hell would a person like me doing in such a place? But…who gives a fuck?!

Eventually, we arrive at our destination. The matron just knocks at and opens the classroom door and signs me to get in.

The class consists of 15 students, all of them female plus a brunette teacher in front. I let my sight wander over all those girls in front of me until it got stuck on one person, who's staring at me with big brown bunny-eyes: Kate!

Thanks, Fortuna! I just wanna smooch ya!

We just look at each other, sights locked and immediately I feel so full of joy that I kinda wanna jump at her and kiss my Katie from head to toe. Only Corwin's harsh grip on my arm prevents me from causing a big scandal.

"This is our new sister, Violet Baker! She said herself lose from that sinful life she had been living before and wants to join us on the righteous path. But she needs our guidance to do so and therefore I need someone who accompanies her for some time and shows this lost soul our ways. Any volunteers?"

Of course, most of these timid bible-gals just avoid even givin' me a freakin' glimpse, like I'm the personification of the seven sins…or maybe just _lust, _'cause I'm hot as fuck…who knows… But a fact is, that nobody wants to take care of me. Nobody, except Katie.

"Sister Marsh, as exemplary as always!" praises Corwin, with a faint smile. "For the rest of the day you will be freed from any other lesson, so that you can show our new sister around and can help her to settle in. Now, please follow me, so that I can fill you in on the details!"

As shy as the cute bunny she is, Katie nods and follows that uber-cunt out of the room, while the teacher asks me to take a seat.

And so I wait…and wait…and wait…always under the curious and partially disgusted glares of the other students, like I'm an ugly alien from outta space. So much for Christians and their charity…

The teacher asks me something about chemistry and I give the right answer, since I already had this simple shit in school, last year. And only what felt like hours later, Kate comes back and excuses us both for the remainder of the lesson.

"Sister Violet, please follow me! I'll bring you to your room before I'll show you the entire vicinities. My name is Sister Kate, by the way. So, if you have any questions, just ask and I'll try to answer them as good as possible."

She says those words plainly like a professional guide, who had already spoken 'em for the umpteenth time, without showing a slight hint that she might know me.

Of course, I play along, answering "Just lead the way, sista!"

As we walk along the hallways, me following her, I can't do anything else than let my horny sight wander all over her body. Gosh, I'm so in love with her! It really needed a freakin' lot to figure that out, but now I'm surer than ever!

During our way to the dorms she already shows me the one or other thing, tells me something about the convents history and even some basic rules. And I'm listening to each of her words, though I actually give a fuck about the content. Just hearing her angelic voice is like sweet music in my ears. It makes me smile, gives me hope. It just makes me feel home.

I ask her a few questions and she looks at me politely to answer them. This glistening in her eyes, then the faint smile and the slight blush. She's happy to see me, yet keeps her distance. But there's more goin' on under her cute surface. Something I can't quite figure out.

Eventually, we stop in front a wooden door and she says "So, this is gonna be your new home. Now, c'mon in!"

The door unlocks with a click and swings open, revealing a rather common and boring room with a double bunk bed two wooden closets, plus two tables with chairs.

I saunter inside, past Kate, and throw my backpack on one of the chairs, only to hear that the door gets closed and locked again. I spin around on my feet and see Katie, standing there and gazing at me with watery eyes.

"What are you doing here?" she asks with a shivering voice. Not the reaction I would've anticipated, but it gets even crazier as Kate dashes towards me, tiptoes and pulls me in for a deep kiss.

A jolt of electricity rushes through my body as our lips meet, making my heart go wild and my mind go blank. This is a moment I never want to end, so I wrap my arms around her and keep her pressed tight. Only with reluctance we break the contact in need for some air. Katie sniffs and buries her head in my chest and even I can't hold back the leakage of my eyes.

"You need to go!" she suddenly whispers out of the blue. There's no hint of a joke in her voice, she truly means it and that makes me sad. So, it's no wonder that I ask a weak "Why?" while looking into her eyes in desperate hope to find the hoax, but to no avail. Yet, her answer makes total sense.

"Chloe, if Corwin finds out – and she will – that you're not this Violet Baker, she'll call the police and…"

A loud and sudden thudding on the door breaks this private moment and lets us both jump in our places. And as the uber-cunts barking voice sound from the other side, we both know that we're in big shit trouble. FUCK!

"Whoever is in there, open this door in an instant or the police will, as soon as they are here!"

The heavy thudding continues and I know that I'm so fucked, but not Kate. I fucked up again and the hell I will let my Katie suffer for my stupidity.

"Kate, open it!" I say with a heavy tone, because I can already picture the consequences. "Corwin doesn't know about us. Just tell her that…"

"No!" she negates with a headshake, pressing me closer again. "I won't let you hanging there. I…I don't…"

Now the knocking changes and Corwin's voice gets replaced by a male, even more authoritarian one.

"Miss, this is the police! Open this door right now or we'll use force!"

Well, shit! Fun's over, the authorities are here and shit's about to get real, and I so don't wanna Kate get involved in this. So, I give her one last kiss on her forehead, shove her aside and open the door, which gets immediately forced open. Two police officers storm in, put me onto the ground and arrest me. I don't hear what they're saying. I don't care that it hurts as they cuff my hands. I just look at my poor Katie, who cries a flood of tears as she has to witness how I get dragged out of the room…and it breaks my heart!

* * *

A few fucked-up hours later…

There are moments in your life you're proud of and some others you're not.

Sitting at a police station counts definitely to those fucked-up moments you should entirely avoid, 'cause – let's face it – it just sucks hard! The worst thing isn't just that your ogled and treated like a freakin' thug and get locked into a room all by yourself, but that you're also have to face a shitton of fucking consequences. So far, what I figured out, I'm gonna be framed for fraud, trespassing as well as sexual harassment of minors. You see, lotsa problems, plus that I won't see Katie ever again. If that isn't a reason to finally go entirely bonkers, I don't know what is.

Finally, the door of the room I'm sitting in gets opened and a good-lookin' black-skinned police woman saunters in. Her name is Boudreaux, Charline Boudreaux and she's pretty cool. At least, she treated me like a human being and didn't go all stereotype on me.

The first thing she does, is un-cuffing my hands before sitting down on the other side of the table and puts my stuff on it.

"You're lucky, Chloe," she says with a smile. "Thanks to your girlfriend, you're free to go. But don't ask me how she convinced that hag of a matron to don't press any charges against you."

_Girlfriend?!_ Did Katie tell them that we're a thing? That kinda makes me totally happy, but also sad, hence the bittersweet taste because she put her sweet ass on the line for me and that I will never see her again to thank her.

"We also called your mom. She didn't seem surprised to hear from us and said that you should finally be done filling the truck with gas and move your keister back home."

I can't do anything else than scoff. Yeah, Mom predicted this. Still, I'll get my portion of rage as soon as I'm home again. But I deserve it and won't be mad, 'cause my mom is just freakin' awesome and gave me a try, though she already knew the outcome.

Then, it softly knocks on the door and – to my awe – Kate walks in with timid steps and bowed head.

With a wry smirk, Boudreaux mentions nonchalantly "Well, guess I'm gonna give you two some space, huh?" and then leaves, closing the door behind her.

Seconds pass. None of us moving a limb or saying a word, until we can't hold back anymore. I jump up and wrap my arms around her. We hug, we kiss, we cry. And I say the three magical words, I normally fear to use.

"I love you!"

It feels good to say them. It feels just right.

Sniffling and snuggling her face into my shoulder, Kate immediately replies "I love you too, Chloe!"

We both know that this moment, these awesome feelings are running on an expiring-date. Because, as soon as we leave this station, we're gonna go our separate ways. She will become a nun and I will be a student at Blackhell again, probably go to college if I don't fuck up and then live my life without her. Without her. Without…_her_.

Those two fucking words are ramming their freakin' sharp claws into my mind and let me despair. I start to bawl again, feeling already empty, and Katie joins in, likely feeling the same. I thought, after my dad died, that I would never experience such a shitpile of loss again. But I was wrong!

How should I live with this? Would I try to kill myself again? Will I fall back into my old behavior? Katie was the reason I changed in the first place. She gave me strength and courage. She gave me a fucking reason! She actually makes my life better. Without her, me and Steph never would've experienced those awesome weeks together. Without her, I never would've met Max again. I know that a lotta shit also came with it, but if you ignore this, then it was just amazing!

Fuck this nun-bunker! Fuck Corwin! Fuck the consequences! I wanna leave with Kate! I wanna…

Unexpectedly, my phone starts to blare one of my favorite rock-songs through the room. It's Kat's personal ringtone and instantly I get a bad feeling in my guts. It could be just a holla, or a test that I really gonna hold up my promise to be there for her. But no. This is serious!

With reluctance I break the embrace and give Katie on last kiss on her tear-spilled cheek, saying "Sorry, it's…it could be important. I…"

"It's okay," she replies quietly, yet not with anger, but understanding. She believes and trusts me, underlining our deep bond.

I wipe away the wet lines on my face with the sleeves of my black hoodie and take one last deep inhale to steady myself, before I pick up the phone and take the call.

"Hey Kat, 'sup?"

"_Chloe…"_

Her voice sounds brittle and panicky, which gives me another sting in my heart. Something bad happened.

"Hey Kat, what's wrong?"

I try to sound as soothing as possible, but still she keeps on weeping, each and every one of her sobs fueling my desperation of not being there for her.

"_Anna…she…she…"_

Anna! Just hearing this fucking name almost makes me spit poison and bile. Now my voice gets cold and dead-serious. If Anna is involved, some really big shit happened. And just imagin' that this fucking cunt played her psycho-games with a fragile girl like Kat, makes me wanna kill her on sight.

"Kat! What did she do?"

Kat sniffles. She tries to be strong. Tries to trust someone again. I already feel that Anna destroyed a lot what I once had built up over weeks.

"_She…she abused me, Chloe. She… I didn't want it. I told her that I wasn't ready. But she… Oh Chloe, I was so stupid! I'm such a fuck-up! I don't deserve to live!"_

Oh Kat, why?! Why her?! You knew better than this! You knew that she's a psycho. Why the fuck did you fall for her tricks?

But there's no use in going all ballistic on her. It wouldn't change anything and just fuel her viscous circle of self-destruction even more. No, she needs support, not rage or chiding words. No patronizing bullshit. Still, my teeth are grinding like a mill while I'm about to destroy my phone with my clenched hands.

"Okay Kat, I know it sounds like empty shit, but you need to calm down and focus! Where are you right now?"

I hear her deep inhales. How she tries to steady her labored breathing. While I wait, I look at Kate, who gazes at me with concern. She cares, isn't annoyed by the disturbance of our moment. She feels that this is serious.

"_I'm…I'm in my room. I…I have a knife, Chloe. I…I don't wanna… I promised you. But…it itches. Chloe…I need you! I don't know how long I can stop myself."_

Shitfuckinghell! Where the fuck did she get that knife from?! I took hers away, and… It doesn't matter right now. I need to keep her mind busy!

"Does anybody else know about this?"

"_No! I-I just trust you. The others wouldn't believe me. Nobody else believes me! They hate me!"_

Dammit! Kat is entirely done. Anna managed to break her. And I'm in the middle of fuckin' nowhere, hours of driving away. I sigh, knowing that my next words will be hard for her.

"Listen Kat, I'm outta town recently. But I promise that I'll jump right now and come to you. Just do me a favor and hold…"

"_You promised to be there for me!"_ she yells, already making me feel like shit for leaving her alone, though I know it's bullshit. _"You said you'd be there when I need help, but you're gone and just give a shit about me, like everybody else. You lied to me! You're a fucking liar! Why should I stay alive when every fucking person gives a shit about me?"_

I feel my inner rage boiling up. How could she say something like this?! I was always there for her, never left her. I…

Just calm down, Chloe! You know right away that it's just this fucking depression talking. Stay calm and reason with her. Inhale…exhale!

"Kat, if I wouldn't be there for you, I'd never picked up my phone. I care for you! You know that I love you like a sister. You're my awesome sister and all I'm asking you, is to sit tight and wait for me, okay!"

She sniffs and sobs again. Poor Kat! Poor little Kat! Please don't do it. Please, don't bail on me!

"_Okay." _Her voice is so weak and brittle. _"Please hurry!"_

Yes! Thank the universe!

"I'll do! Just hold on tight to your phone! I'll keep you posted on my ETA. Got it?"

"_Mm-hmm! Just hurry, please!"_

"I will. See ya in a bit!"

As soon as the call got canceled, I feel like breaking down in a mixture of depression and hate. But thank gods, Kate is with me and holds me tight.

"I need to get to her. I'm so sorry, but…"

"Then we need to hurry, let's go!"

Though Kate's words were spoken in a hurry and she already pulls on the sleeve of my hoodie, I just freeze and frown at her. Did she just say _we_?! And – as always – she literally reads my mind.

"Chloe, I don't wanna stay here. If I'd stay at the convent, I'd be living a lie. I'd break the highest rules that I wanna uphold and I don't want that. I wanna be with you, even if it means a break with my family. I choose you over everything!"

Moments I lack words are rare…literally. But this is one of 'em. Like a stunned idiot, I just manage to nod and whiff "O-okay!" before we both embark into a crazy adventure to safe my loony bin sister.


End file.
